Pusher Man

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Sudeinny
Gender None specified
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Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:54 am
Sudeinny says... · Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:54 am
I see you
Tossing and turning
Although you're not tired
Eyes watering
Mouth aching
Nose running
Cramps in your stomach
It's 4:30AM
And all you want to know
Is where the goddamn pusher's at?
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MissMiaFacinelli
Gender Female
Points 7040
Reviews 78
Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:24 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says... · Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:24 pm
Firstly, welcome to YWS!!

OK
Although I don't get this poem,it flows pretty OK.
Just one thing.
Punctuation!
Remember a line break is not a pause, but a comma is.
Think of someone reading it out loud, or try it yourself!

Keep writing!
Pgsgirl x
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Previously known as Pgsgirl7
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Sudeinny
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Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:46 pm
Sudeinny says... · Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:46 pm
Eyes watering, mouth aching, those are signs of a junkie trying to quit heroin. In the end "Where's the goddamn pusher at?" the junkie decides the psychical symptoms are too great and he's going to return to heroin.
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Tenyo
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Points 30338
Reviews 560
Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:03 am
Tenyo says... · Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:03 am
Hey there.

You've got some good description in this, and you've created quite a strong image by holding nothing back.

The whole thing is a little short, and even though short and sweet can be a good thing, this poem just doesn't seem to be able to reach its full potential in that format.
We were born to be amazing.
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4 posts


i think once every new ywser realizes they can manifest themselves into the quote gen by making a post about the quote gen, they make a very inconspicuous post about the quote gen, but deep in their hearts, they know they’ll see that post at the bottom of the page one day. (yeah, i see you mods. you brought this upon us)
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