Let Me Love You(11)

Chapter 11

The vomiting and constant naps continued up until Gary had to return to the road. Isabella was late; exactly two weeks late, but she wasn’t going to tell him that, not yet, anyway. Before Gary left she promised him she would get a check up with her doctor. She kissed him goodbye, and stood in the driveway until she could no longer see the bus.

Running back into the house, she barely made it to a trash can that was near the living room coffee table. Isabella kneeled on her knees for almost twenty minutes throwing up everything that was in her stomach. Tears pierced her eyes when, during those last few minutes, nothing but pure stomach acid came up. She leaned back and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes.

That doctor’s visit was beginning to be pushed off and off. She had promised Destiny that when the guys left on tour she would help and accompany her while she was on bed rest. It also didn’t help that she had an astronomic fear of going to any kind of doctor, anywhere.

“Belle, you really need to go see a doctor. Why don’t you go to the doctor’s tomorrow? My parents are coming down to give me some company, so I should be fine,” Destiny offered one quiet afternoon after Isabella had done one of her infamous sneezing rounds.

“I guess I should, but to tell you the truth I think I already know.” She kept her glance at the floor a while longer.

“What?” Destiny asked worried.

“Destiny, I think I’m pregnant. I haven’t had my period since the month before Gary and I went up to his cabin. I’m tired all the time, and I vomit every morning or all day long.” Isabella gulped air down and shooed the words out of her mouth as she began to cry.

“Oh my gosh,” was all Destiny could say.

“Please don’t tell. I don’t want any one to know until I’m positively sure.” She wiped her eyes as tear continued to flow.

“I wont tell; I promise. If you need any thing, even just to talk call me, please.” Destiny held Isabella the best she could with her protruding tummy. Isabella felt like she was a little girl and had just fell for the first time. Finally finding out what real pain felt like.

***

Isabella was shaking so bad she could barely get the key in the ignition. She was only kidding herself when she had thoughts of ignoring her notion. Like she wasn’t pregnant at all. The drive to her doctor’s office seemed to take forever; when, in reality, it only takes fifteen minutes. The waiting room was empty and lonely, just right for thinking. In her head she had three options and two sub-options.

One, she could have an abortion. She had always been against abortion. It had always occurred to her as killing a human being. When a pregnant woman is murdered it is considered a double homicide, meaning two people have been murdered. So why, when a woman kills her unborn child, does she not get charged with murder? This was last on her list of options. She couldn’t totally knock it off. It’s always a different story when it happens to you.

Second, she could give her child up for adoption. She doubted she had the courage to do such a task. Plus, most likely they would need Gary’s consent of giving the child to parents more capable of caring for their child. This was second on her lists. It was the most probable choice, but would she be strong enough to make it?

Third, she could keep the child. This is where her two sub-options come in. She would love to tell Gary and have him be her knight in shining armor, but she knew that was highly unlikely. He was no where near ready to make such a commitment, just like she wasn’t. Or, she could skip town and not tell him at all.

Exploring this new option, Isabella’s thoughts were interrupted as a nurse called out her name. Her heart dropped to the middle of her gut as she walked towards the door of doom. She followed the nurse into an icy cold room and waited for the doctor to come in. Clasping her hands together she heard chatter outside the door. Doctor Sage walked in. Her short dark hair covered her stunning green eyes as she flashed a hundred watt smile in Isabella’s direction. She tried to smile back, but the muscles in her face had frozen.

Doctor Sage slapped on her latex gloves, and with every thump Isabella felt her insides churning. So scared. So alone.

“Ok, Isabella, I’m going to take some blood and hopefully within the hour we will know if you are pregnant or not.” Dr. Sage got out her syringe as Isabella turned her head away.

When it was all done she sulked out of the doctor’s office and out to her car. She stuck the key in the ignition, but she never turned it, staring into outer space.

God, what if I am pregnant? I can barely take care of myself, let alone a child. Why is this happening to me? When everything was going so good, I was starting to not fear any commitment with Gary, and then this happens. How unfair.

She slumped back into her chair and thumped her head against the head rest. Closing her eyes she drifted into a daydream.

The baby was crying in her crib. Gary slowly lifted her up and gave her tummy some kisses. Isabella smiled and wrapped her hands around Gary’s waist, making faces at their beautiful little girl. Her soft white hair was barely visible, and she had Gary’s breathtaking blue eyes. Gary was the only one who could make her laugh. As for Isabella, she refused to hold her own child. She didn’t want to get attached in case of-

In case of what? Isabella thought as she reached down to answer her cell phone, which was ringing. Darn phone, it had awaken her from her sleep. Taking a glance at the clock it had been thirty minutes.

Oh my God, I can’t believe I’ve set in this parking lot for so long. Some of these people must think I am homeless, how embarrassing.

“Hello, this is Isabella. May I ask who’s speaking?” She asked politely, aggravated.

“Isabella it’s Dr. Sage. Congratulations, you’re three weeks pregnant. Now we’ll need to make your first appointment for next month.”

“Of course, ummm, let me call you back to make that appointment.”

“Certainly, have a great day.”

“You too,” Isabella mumbled before hanging up.

***

It was the most cruel fifteen minutes of Isabella’s life. All the way home she thought of just leaving, but she knew she couldn’t. As much as it would break her heart, she knew it would break Gary’s heart twice as much. She knew she had to tell him, but when? At home, Isabella cautiously sat upon the couch.

Destiny’s parents didn’t leave until next week, but she was the one person Isabella wanted to confide in most. She wanted to tell her how bad she didn’t want to be pregnant. She wasn’t even engaged, and who knows, maybe Gary didn’t even want to get married. She calculated in her head that she would be four months pregnant when Gary got home from the tour. That’s when she would tell him; she had too.

***

When Gary called Isabella was asleep on the couch, tossing and turning.

“Hey honey, sorry I woke you up.” Gary heard the grogginess in her voice.

“No, its ok. Do you know what time it is?” she asked sitting up.

“Yeah, it’s like 6:30 in the evening, your time,” Gary replied.

“Oh God.” She ran her hand through her hair long wavy hair getting her fingers tangled in a mess.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Gary asked worried.

“I laid down to take a nap, and it was one o’clock.” Isabella yawned as she stretched.

“Well, have you been to the doctors yet?” Gary asked as she got tense.

She knew he was going to ask that, but she also knew she had to give him this kind of news in person so she lied.

“Yeah, it was just a cold, but I’m much better now.” She felt awful lying to him like this.

“I’m glad you’re ok. Belle I miss you,” Gary said.

“I know, I miss you too, but I have to go.” Isabella hung up the phone before he could answer.

Isabella started to tear up. She never wanted to get this attached to him. What if he hurt her like so many others had? What if she didn’t want to stay in Nashville?

Isabella loved Gary, there was no doubt about it. She was just scared because every time she got this close to some one with commitment in mind, she ran away, but this time she couldn’t because she had a responsibility.

A baby, Isabella couldn’t believe it. This was a life time commitment. No wonder Destiny was scared at first, Isabella thought. At least Destiny was married, she wasn’t even engaged. She knew Gary would do the right thing and ask her to marry him, but did she want to say yes?

***

The rest of the three months went by super fast. In no time the guys were back home. Seeing as Destiny was two days past her due date Joe Don was happy to be home. Late one night, Isabella got a call from the happy parents.

Butterflies flew around Isabella’s tummy as Gary and herself went to see the new baby the next day. They quietly stepped into Destiny’s room. That’s when she saw Joe Don holding a baby in a tight pink blanket. Tears sprang at Isabella’s eyes.

“Aw Joey, she looks just like Destiny. What’s her name?” Isabella asked in a whisper as Joe Don handed his little girl to her.

“Her name is Sara Grace Rooney.” Joe Don saw nothing but raw emotion on Isabella’s face.

Will it be this emotionally when I have my baby? If it is, how would I ever survive giving my child up for adoption?

Wow. I really love this chapter<3. But one thing that doesn't make sense is that wouldn't Isabelle be showing by four months. Because when my mom got pregnant with me at 16, she was really skinny and your first pregnancy always make you gain some weight. But that is all I am wondering. But I love this story, I hope you write more, And, OH! I ddin't see any mistakes. You do a good job!

--Jessie.

Thanks for the lovely review

Hey Tiffany! *waves hand* I'm back again.

I. Nit-Picks

It also didn’t help that she had an astronomic fear of going to any kind of doctor, any where.

Join "any where" to 'anywhere' please, because they look better together. Also, I found a few other places with the same problem. Please fix that, as well. ^_^

Destiny offered one quite afternoon after Isabella had done one of her infamous sneezing rounds.

Change "quite" to quiet.

***

That doctor’s visit was beginning to be pushed off and off. She had promised Destiny that when the guys left on tour she would help and accompany her while she was on bed rest. It also didn’t help that she had an astronomic fear of going to any kind of doctor, any where.

***

I actually wouldn't bother separating this part and would instead join it with the following, but it's up to you. It just seems that it's too insignificant to be spaced off like that.

She slumped back into her chair and bangs her head against the head rest. Slowly she slipped into a nap until her cell phone started to ring. Taking a glance at the clock it had been thirty minutes. Isabella couldn’t believe she sat in the car that long.

This is really choppy and is too telly for my taste. Try and be more descriptive instead of just explaining one sentence at a time, because the flow doesn't come as nicely and it takes away from your other beautifully written parts.

“I’m glad your ok. Belle I miss you,”

Change "your" to you're.

She stuck the key in the ignition, but she never turned it. Staring into outer space.

Join these sentences together, because "staring into outer space" is a sentence fragment. You can add onto that if you'd like, too.

“I’m glad your ok. Belle I miss you,” Gary said.

“I know, so do I, but I have to go.”

This sounds like she misses herself... o.O`How about just a 'I miss you, too,'?

“Yeah, its like 6:30 in the evening, your time,” Gary replied.

Change "its" to it's.

II. Speed

It seems like you rushed a bit through this chapter, even thought the length was good. I think this could have been more of a gripping chapter if you'd slowed down a bit more and added some of that lovely emotion I felt in your previous chapter. So do that and I think you'll find this chapter improving greatly.

III. Overall

I loved the thoughts on the end, with abortion. You're very subtle with your foreshadowing, and I want to see how it all turns out. I liked this chapter, and I'll be impatiently awaiting the next!

Hey rascalover!! Pudin's here. I love this chapter it's very interesting especially because I thought Isabella had some other sickness. I liked how you described the events but I think they went by too fast quite unsettling.

My short review.

Isabella was late. Exactly two weeks late, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. Not yet, anyway.

So this could be one whole sentence instead of two or three. So look at this one: Isabella was late; exactly two weeks late but she wasn't going to tell him that, not yet anayway.

She had promised Destiny that when the guys left on tour she would help and accompany her while she was on bed rest.

I think this sentence needs a comma between tour and help

Isabella could barely get the key in the ignition, she was shaking so bad

I think this sentence sounds a little bit awkward. Try putting it like this: Isabella was shaking so bad, that she could barely get the key in the ingnition.

She followed the nurse into an icy cold room as she waited for the doctor to come in

.
This sentence is a little bit awkward too because she follows the nurse as she waits.So instead of as put and.

She slumped back into her chair and bangs her head against the head rest.

The veb is wrong it shoul have been banged.

Late one night Isabella got a call from the happy parents

.
Missing a comma between night and Isabella.

Overall: I really like your piece and how you transmited the thoughts of a teenager girl when pregnant,:the despair, the angst, everything.

I hope you keep writing about this. I love the story
Pudin

Thanks for the great reviews guys

Hey Rascalover! I’m terribly sorry for the wait, it’s been a crazy week, and this slipped my mind. My greatest apologies, and I’ll do my best to give an extremely thorough review.

Running back into the house, she barely made it to a trash can [s]that was[/s] near the living room coffee table. Isabella kneeled [s]on her knees[/s] for almost twenty minutes, throwing up everything [s]that was[/s] in her stomach.

Cut out some of these words, as they’re unnecessary and disturb the flow of the sentences. I added a comma after minutes, to give the sentence a natural pause. It’s a personal preference, but perhaps ‘the contents’ would work better than ‘everything’ in the last sentence.

That doctor’s visit was beginning to be pushed off and off.

I don’t quite like the passivity of this sentence. Perhaps something like, As the days passed, Isabella pushed the visit to the doctor’s further and further back. would work better.

“Belle, you really need to go see a doctor. Why don’t you go to the doctor’s tomorrow? My parents are coming down to give me some company, so I should be fine,” Destiny offered one quiet afternoon after Isabella had done one of her infamous sneezing rounds.

Just thought I’d take a breather and mention that I think this section was written well. The dialogue sounds nice, and the speaker tag adds some good information.

“What?” Destiny asked, worried.

There should be a comma between ‘asked’ and ‘worried’. Also, I think the word ‘worried’ could be replaced with some description, perhaps describing exactly how Destiny looks that would also convey her concern. Maybe her eyebrows knit together, or she purses her lips. This section has a good place to add some ‘showing’ information, versus simply telling.

“Destiny, I think I’m pregnant. I haven’t had my period since the month before Gary and I went up to his cabin. I’m tired all the time, and I vomit every morning or all day long.” Isabella gulped air down and shooed the words out of her mouth as she began to cry.

Since this is pretty crucial information, not to mention scary, take the time to extend this and build up the drama. Try and split some of the information about Isabella and disperse it throughout the dialogue. Also, add just a few more details. Is she sweating? Or maybe he’s hugging herself tightly?

“Please don’t tell. I don’t want any one to know until I’m positively sure.” She wiped her eyes as tear continued to flow.

‘Any one’ is one word: ‘anyone’. I’m also pretty sure you want the plural – tears – over just one ‘tear’.

“I wont tell; I promise. If you need any thing, even just to talk, call me, please.” Destiny held Isabella the best she could with her protruding tummy.

‘Wont’ should be ‘won’t’. Remember that it is a contraction of ‘will not’, and contractions always have apostrophes. Again, ‘any thing’ should be ‘anything’. A comma will smooth things out after the word ‘talk’.

The drive to her doctor’s office seemed to take forever[s]; when,[/s] in reality, it only takes fifteen minutes.

There is a sudden tense change here, and it’s rather jarring. I think that the semicolon should be replaced with a period, and the ‘takes’ should become ‘took’.

When a pregnant woman is murdered it is considered a double homicide, meaning two people have been murdered. So why, when a woman kills her unborn child, does she not get charged with murder?...It’s always a different story when it happens to you.

Again, there is a tense change, as well as a point-of-view change in the last sentence. It’s good to keep a consistency in both tense and POV, so I suggest changing these so it sticks to the past tense, third person POV that has been used in every other section of this story.

This was second on her lists.

Does Isabella have multiple lists, or just one?

This is where her two sub-options come in.

Tense change. Just change the ‘is’ to ‘was’

He was no where near ready to make such a commitment, just like she wasn’t.

‘No where’ is one word.

Doctor Sage slapped on her latex gloves, and with every thump Isabella felt her insides churning. [s]So scared. So alone.[/s]

I don’t particularly feel like the sentence fragments add much. From earlier descriptions, the reader understands how Isabella feels. These are a little unnecessary.

Darn phone, it had awaken her from her sleep.

If she’s been sleeping, you might want to change the earlier mentioned word ‘daydream’ to ‘dream’.

She asked politely, aggravated.

‘Politely’ and ‘aggravated’ pretty much contradict each other. Perhaps adding a few more words would clear things up, so it would be something like: She asked politely, doing her best to hide her aggravation.

“Isabella it’s Dr. Sage. Congratulations, you’re three weeks pregnant. Now we’ll need to make your first appointment for next month.”

There should be a comma after a direct address, so just place one after ‘Isabella’.

That’s when she would tell him; she had too.

In this case, ‘too’ should be ‘to’. Essentially the sentence is saying that she has to tell him, but the ‘tell him’ part has been placed somewhere else. ‘Too’ would be if she had to tell him as well as do something else.

“No, its ok. Do you know what time it is?” she asked sitting up.

‘Its’ should be ‘it’s’, since Isabella is saying “It is okay.”

She knew he was going to ask that, but she also knew she had to give him this kind of news in person so she lied.

I would just omit this sentence. It’s very telling. I’d rather just see her lie to him.

She was just scared because every time she got this close to some one with commitment in mind, she ran away, but this time she couldn’t because she had a responsibility.

‘Some one’ is one word.

This was a life time commitment. No wonder Destiny was scared at first, Isabella thought. At least Destiny was married, she wasn’t even engaged.

‘Life time’ is one word. In the final sentence, I think Isabella’s name would work better than just ‘she’, so things are clearly distinguished.

Butterflies flew around Isabella’s tummy as Gary and herself went to see the new baby the next day.

‘Gary and herself’ should be ‘she and Gary’. If it was just Isabella visiting the baby, you would write ‘as she went to see…’, right? So it still applies when she sees the baby with Gary.

Will it be this emotionally when I have my baby?

‘Emotionally’ sounds very odd. Did you mean ‘emotional’?

I haven’t read previous chapters, so I can’t comment on consistency of characters. However, Isabella seems to be very scared and worried, which certainly makes sense considering her circumstances. I found her actions and reactions realistic. However, I’d like to see just a little bit more depth in this. As someone mentioned earlier, the pace feels a little too fast. You employed dialogue well throughout the story, and I liked the sound as I read it out loud. Some of it did sound just a tad stiff, so you might want to try reading the dialogue out loud and see if any changes should be made.

Add some more details about everything, and that will help with pace, setting, and characterization. One thing that might help would be to reread each section slowly, and imagine the scene in your head. On a separate sheet of paper (or word document), and write down as many details as you can about how the environment looks, the smells in the area, and the minute actions of the characters. Then take a look at what you’ve noted. What details show the most about the situation? Maybe Isabella has a brochure about motherhood in her hand as she waits for the doctor, or the cheery yellow of the curtains make her feel sick. Those aren’t the best of examples, but my general point would be to elaborate on the situation. I have a feeling this is a very important event in the series, and extra care should be taken so it really shines and the readers clearly gets its significance.

I was very pleased with the tone of the chapter; it kept a constant, solemn mood to it, and that really underlined how important this is to Isabella. The voice of the piece really made me sympathetic towards the protagonist, and by the end I was wondering about her decision just as much as she was. The author’s voice in this piece is really sturdy; I commend you for that.

Overall, you wrote this well There are some grammatical things to work on, but I have mostly good things to say about the storytelling. Just don’t be afraid to add in some more ‘showing’ details, and you’ll be on your way to a very solid chapter.

Best of luck,
octo

Thanks so much

A baby? I guess I should've seen this coming, but whatever. You wrote this well. I enjoyed it. Her reaction seems fairly realistic. I have absolutely no experience with this particular situation, but I think you did a good job. I do agree that it was a little fast, but these things can be fixed. Overall, great job! PM me for the next chapter!

Thanks for the review

I loved this chapter but I didn't understand when you said that the guys came back...shouldn't Gary be back if the others are back...other than this and some spelling errors it was great.