Welcome to Auschwitz

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1
Children cry in the dead of night
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied
The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi's weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try
My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented
I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret
My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn't matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we're just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line
And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it's common knowledge we don't have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem 'unworthy' those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the 'greater good'
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is 'right'
And what deserves to exist
As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade
To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse
More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was
The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it's all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath
I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I
They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz
&&she's got a smirk and a "screw you" attitude
b/c good girls don't make history books




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 7718
Reviews 136
This was, to me, not meant to be a poem.

It can be seen as an epic, and if thats the case congratulations, plenty of pathos and ethos in here.

The wording of it was very powerful, and the dreary outlook provided by the work was very strong.

Overall the sad images given off by it delivered the point, and the family lost and family struggling aspect was very obvious as well.

I'd prefer to see this as a short story, actually, this is a story that deserves more attention, more of a vivid portrayal through a larger medium.

Very good.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
DixielandMisfit wrote:Children cry in the dead of night
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied
The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi's weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try
My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented
I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret
My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn't matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we're just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line
And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it's common knowledge we don't have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem 'unworthy' those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the 'greater good'
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is 'right'
And what deserves to exist
As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade
To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse
More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was
The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it's all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath
I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I
They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz


Hello, I'm Vernon and I'll be your reviewer. First off you chose a very hard to do theme well, that deserves some credit as ya did obviously try. My main complaint of this is simple:

Children cry in the dead of night
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied

The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi's weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try

My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented

I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret

My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn't matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we're just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line

And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it's common knowledge we don't have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem 'unworthy' those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the 'greater good'
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is 'right'
And what deserves to exist

As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade

To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse

More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was

The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it's all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath

I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I

They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz


Reading through it more as I reviwed I noticed also a distinct lack of grammar as a whole, in a poem like this it's needed! And your rhyme scheme early on put me off reading 'cause as I was reading through it, I saw great potential, but because your rhyme scheme was painful and forced, it lost me. Also, for the whole thing, you go on a little too much, you're trying to evoke sympathy, we know about the place, a common rule in writing is show don't tell. But you just tell us everything which greatly weakens, this, my suggestion cut this down, forget idea of writing something huge, just concentrate on making it powerful. Because it does have the potential, though you sadly flaunt it too much, just making the whole thing seem contrived in the end. Otherwise, it was okay, but if ya rewrote this, I'd gladly read it again and review.

Hope this helped.
VSN
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]



Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus