Pain

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2401
Reviews 95
Something that I think has been all to familiar recently.

Pain

Like an uninvited
Wind, building strength
Gathering more winds
To make a storm

Pain comes not like
A tear dropping,
Pain comes in waves
In flood

But I am a very wide
Shore of sands
And paths of pebbles

I am the sky and
Barren Space

No pain contains me
No pain destroys me
I am always unfilled

and empty.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Jean-Paul Sartre




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 10
Hello ZaddieCaso!

I must say, first of all, that I really enjoyed reading this! Usually when I see a poem named pain, I expect it to be especially pessimistic, however this was the very opposite, which came as a nice surprise. To begin with anyway... :)

So, to review:

Like an uninvited
Wind, building strength
Gathering more winds
To make a storm

Pain comes not like
A tear dropping,
Pain comes in waves
In flood


I like the idea of the storm and the flood, the storm makes me think of physical pain, however the flood makes me think of emotional pain.

But I am a very wide
Shore of sands
And paths of pebbles

I am the sky and
Barren Space


On the face of it this seems as if you are saying that you feel no pain, however I see deeper meaning here. Barren space. This suggests to me that something is missing and emptiness, and it is again seen here:

I am always unfilled

and empty.


Here I sense reference to the ‘jug half empty, half full’ scenario, but what I think shows more is the emptiness and loss.

So to conclude my final thought on this poem is: The pain is emotional, a loss of love or some similar emotional torment, something that was a large part of the person’s life, and thus now they feel empty.

An excellent read, I really enjoyed the depth, beneath the seemingly simple cover, thank you!
Keep up the good work! :)

~MindYourHead
Balian of Ibelin: You go to certain death.
Hospitaller: All death is certain.
My friend flickers~
My photography galery:
http://embraceunreality.deviantart.com/gallery/




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7040
Reviews 78
Wow.
So, this reminds me a lot of my last story, in which the main character feels intense physical and emotional pain after the love of her life leaves without warning.
I love the flow of the poem, but a little punctuation would help - the easiest way to tell is to read the poem out loud and remembering that a "line break" is not a pause, but a comma is.
Keep writing!
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7



I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson