From Loves Balcony:the prologue to an epic

from "The D.O.R.A.O.H"

Prologue: from Loves Balcony

The Universe is a Grand Theatre
Existence a symphony, Life an opera
The moment you enter, you are on stage.
The spotlight is on you, a star shines for everyone.
You illustrate with your body, dialogue with your heart, and monologue with your mind.

With spirit and soul, you soliloquy.

The Universe is indeed that grand, grand theatre.
No better view than ones own perspective.
No better role than as oneself.
The perfect script is Nature, That of ourselves and the world around us.

Cast by fate, we are introduced-
to the lime light, that sublime light, that divine light, THE divine right:
“TO BE.”
----------
Also
There are many elements that oversee the play of the universe.
One of them is Love.
From the balcony of Love, this paradox is observed:
In the depths of space, all of the celestial bodies are separated by eons and darkness,
conundrum and chaos
and yet they are forever seeking to unite.
Against all odds and logic
To form groups/galaxies/families under the purest aura of the KOSMOS

“Love”

However
Microscopic humans in tiny countries, on a small planet,
Born into Proximity by simple physics and fate
Will never see similarity and will never align under that same light
Any occurrences that say otherwise are miracles in themselves
And will fade before following suit is found to be a plausible option.

But those few phenomenons are worth admiring.

As quoted by Albert Einstein
“Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love”

Hi there!

I don’t think I’ve reviewed you before, so it’s lovely to meet you. ^^ Your poem is, I believe, best fitting a spoken word piece, it’s almost the prologue to a play, in its feel.

However, I think that some of your lines are too long (You illustrate…mind)and your flow suffers with the odd formation of these lines. You’ve made most of these lines into sentences rather than breaking them into sections, which can work sometimes but I don’t think it works here. I feel almost that it’s trying too hard to have me like it – even though I do like it – it’s intelligent and there’s something about it that immediately feels of the epic, but it’s stretching too thin over the frame for me.

Your use of punctuation is interesting, if in places too much for me. And the use of the break part way though feels wrong, odd. I think most of all that you need to consider thoroughly what you’re trying to do here, while it works for the most part it’s also choppy, feels awkward and uneven. If you considered condensing this, pulling it together into central ideas and then expanding from there, you could probably produce several poems of a very good quality. This, however, feels almost mashed together, you show us too much in too little space. From this, I can see the epic is probably something you’ll enjoy, and be good at, but this is too short, too awkward to be something I love.

The ideas are awesome, keep them, but I suggest dividing them into separate, concrete ideas and going from there. If you do change this at all, PM me, I’d love to see the finished product.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.