Here in Gethsemane

This is the end of a story I am writing. The last two lines from the two main characters Jess and Joanie and the poem.

Here in Gethsemane

“We okay Jess?”

“Yeah, Joanie, we okay.”

Here in Gethsemane
the lights hangs low
while darkness pursues the hope
that once shined in our
hearts

Here in Gethsemane
we call out your name
fighting the crucified
for a morsel of truth

Here in Gethsemane
your enemy is your neighbor
your nieghbor is your father
and your father spits on your
grave

Here in Gethsemane
we rejoice your sins
knowning the second chance
will make everything okay

Here in Gethsemane
release comes at a cost
tears dry on unrepeative hearts
and religion is lost in the words
of the priest

Here in Gethsemane
the beast is king
and the pryariah still
is shuned by all

Definately different.

knowing the second chance
will make everything okay

I don't think that really fits with the other stanza's. It sounds too....breezy..I think you should re-phrase it so it fits with the language used in the rest of the poem. If that makes sense.

Apart from that, i think its good. Not your best work though.

Very nice. The feeling and description was nothing short of wonderful. I liked how you started with those last two lines from your story, gave the poem direction right from the start. Drew me in well too. A great read once again, CL.