walking bodies

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he walked
like dead men walk.
when fingers move,
mouths yawn open,
their red fissure
breaking bare.
sometimes, the sounds
of scrambling bodies
seemed like naked sticks
across dust and dirt.
he would walk in woods,
looking through soot:
endless, fruitless soot.
the children he saw at dawn
would ripen into carcasses by dusk.
broken words
rang from shriveled head to toe
like through hollow trees,
like bullets through cannons
and then through the
children, roars that could have
saved the moon from her flames.
white skin
would bond with bone;
hunters would use
hides of children
they found in the forest
to keep warm at night.
at times, hunters would
walk like men; but
the men only walked
like children.
Last edited by Gadi. on Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




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Gender Female
Points 15961
Reviews 661
I love this. The first sentence is great.

I love;
"their red fissure
breaking bare"

and

"ripen into carcasses".

It flows very well and the end is powerful. My only little niggle is with the word "looking". I think something stronger would work more effectivety.

Hope this helps.

Jas
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1055
Reviews 6
Good job! Gold star. I love the absolute creativity in this poem.
I <3 Macaroni&Cheese!!! :)

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We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot