Living in a world

living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i like the way i'm living it

all the mystery, karma, and hope
the ways i seem to cope with things
how each day always brings something new
many friends, turn to a few

i learn more about who i am everyday
everything being harder to suceed at
now easier to fall flat

living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i like the way i'm living it

everyday a new oppurtunity comes
some are once in a lifetime
some are always there to grab ahold of

each mind set on a particular goal
each heart set to one soul

living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i love the way i'm living it.

Hi Julie, Izzy again. Just giving you a quick review


Firstly I shall tell you what EllyMelly told me;

Everytime
That you start a new line
Inside a Poem's heart, (which are stanza's if you didn't know)
The key to brilliance
Is capitalization
From the very start.

[So all of your lines should be have a capital at the beginning ]

The thing I would work on is your imagery. Your lines are wording are pretty subjective and bland (no offense), if your writing about your life surley there should be more passion, more color. There are hadly any metaphors or similies in here, sometimes you can portray a simple boring line in a beautiful interesting way.

For example;

Johnny held her hand tightly.

You could put;

Johnny squeezed her hand for dear life


Yes I know, it's a cliche but it's just an example.


Again, feel free to PM me with questions,


Izzy

Thanks for the tips, I'll be sure to capitalize.

As for the metaphors and whatnot, I kept this poem bland
for a reason. I understand how I could make it more powerful,
but I want it to be simple. That's what I was aiming for.