And I thought I lost You, Forever

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As I walked into my house, after a good time being with good ol' mom and dad, I walked upstairs and headed for the computer. This was pretty much my daily routine, being twelve and all. I began IMing and surfing myspace, when my cell phone started to vibrate. The sound startled me, but I picked it up without hesitation. It was my brother's bestfriend AJ.

"Hello?" I answered.
"Julie, Anthony is hurt, really bad! Hurry over to Brooke's, Now! he's bleeding and he's all cut up please hurry!" AJ squeaked.
"Oh come on, You're joking, I know it. I'm not falling for another prank call again." I replied, obviously not believing him.
"I'm serious, Julie. Please." AJ began to sob.

My heart started to beat a little faster, realizing he wasn't lying. Then I heard the faint cries of Anthony in the background. I jumped to my feet, rushed downstairs and stayed on the line with AJ.

"Mom. Anthony's hurt. bad. I don't know how bad, but we need to hurry! Quick!" I said, speaking fast, as I started to shake.
"What? Talk to your father." My mom replied, apparently not listening and too busy cleaning to actually comprehend what I had just said.
"Dad. Anthony is hurt, let's go!" I screamed this time.

"AJ, we'll be right there." I yelled into the receiver.
"Okay, Hurry!" He cried.


As my dad and I rushed out the door, we piled into the car. Almost peeling out of the driveway, my mom came running out.

"Wait!" she yelped, as she whipped open the door to our light blue Grand Caravan.

We all fastened our seatbelts and my dad began to floor it. I started to squeeze my phone, as hard as I could. Thousands of things seemed to swirl throughout my mind. Is he okay? What happened? Why was he crying? Did someone hurt him? I tried to calm down as I took in deep breaths. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"I've never heard him cry like that..." I said aloud, not even realizing it.
"I'm sure he's alright don't worry." My dad replied, eyes straight on the road.

We pulled up to Brooke's gravel driveway. We pulled in, and then my heart stopped. There was Anthony. Just...lying there. Screaming, and bleeding. There were cuts all over his body. His knees, his arms, and his face... all red and dripping with thick blood. I was at least 20 feet away in the car, and could still see everything.

I couldn't handle it. I began to bawl. I kicked and screamed, clenching my fists and squeezing my eyes shut as soon as I saw him. My warm, salty tears trickled down my cheeks. I couldn't get out of the car, not after seeing him look like that. My dad hopped out, and so did my mom. As they ran over to Anthony, he just laid there, sprawled out on the gravel. I opened my eyes. All I could hear was his screams. I could feel his pain. I could feel it right in my chest. My heart pounded harder than it ever had pounded in my lifetime. I cried even harder, with no intention of stopping.

You see, being a twin... it's hard to explain what they feel. What I can tell you, is that twin's bonds are unbelieveable. Just like most twins, we feel eachother's pain, we can even read eachother's minds sometimes. Anthony and I were and have always been close. He's the only guy in the world I would never be able to live without. If he were to die, the world would lose me to. I would go with him in an instant. I still remember when we were just around five years old and had the same dream about Santa Claus coming down the chimney. We were both in eachother's dream, and it seemed so real. I still remember it all...

"Julie. Everything is gonna be okay." Brooke's voice echoed, and took me back to reality. She leaned in through the car window and gave me a big hug. I smiled just a little, and held on to her tight. I could still hear Anthony. He sounded so desperate for help, so...alone.

"What even happened?" I choked out, as I kept on crying.

AJ was now at the car window with Brooke and her friend Alex. AJ and Alex were both sobbing.

"He sa-said he was going to jump off the golf cart that we were all riding on. I stopped it and said for him not to, and that it wouldn't be funny. On our way back to the house, he just got up and jumped." Alex stuttered, trembling.

"Yeah, he told me he thought it would be funny and I thought he was kidding around, because you know Anthony, he jokes around like that all the time..." AJ began.
"He just jumped off, and then we immediatley stopped the cart and got off and he started crying. We shook him and he was just mumbling and we couldn't make out a single word he was saying. We didn't really know what to do. Alex held his head up while I called 911, and they said they'd be here soon. I just got off the phone with them."

I couldn't even feel my stomach anymore. My heart felt empty.


Years seemed to go by until the paramedics came and the put that stupid uncomfortable neckbrace on him. They taped his long golden-brown hair out of his face, and put him on a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance. My mom stayed with Anthony while my dad and I followed the truck to the Hospital. I kept on crying.

"Daddy, is he gonna be okay?" I sobbed uncontrollably.
"I don't know, Julie. I don't know." My dad replied, with a blank, cold stare on his face.

I had never seen that look in my life. He looked like he had just aged 20 years in a matter of a half hour.

"Call Rachel. Tell her anthony is hurt." he spoke sternly.

Without even saying anything back, I dialed my sister's number. Of course, I get her voicemail.

"Rachyroo. It's Julie. Anthony's really hurt. We are at the hospital. Meet us there. Bye." I hung up, and tried to keep myself together.

I looked in the mirror and saw someone I had never seen. It was me, but I didn't look like myself at all. My face was all red and blotchy, my hair was now matted with sweat, and my mascara was halfway down my cheeks by now.


Anthony was now in his own room. I couldn't bear seeing him in pain. I stood outside the hospital, and finally my sister showed up.


"Rachel!" I ran to her, and we hugged.

She wasn't ever the type to hug, so this was a really big deal. We both exchanged worried looks and I told her everything AJ had told me. We both walked through the ER doors, and down the hallway. It seemed like I was walking to my death. My heart began to be beating slower and slower, or so it seemed. We looked into Anthony's room and saw him all bruised. He took a good hit.

"Get me out" he moaned.
"Crack Brothers"
"Oh come on"

All these responses to the nurse's questions automatically spoke for themselves. He had a head injury. A bad one. I could feel it. I just knew it.

"Anthony, how many sisters do you have?" The nurse asked him.
"One." he kept sobbing.
"What is her name?"
"Julie." he moaned.

Rachel started to bawl. I could see the thoughts going through her head. How could he forget his own older sister? How could he remember me and not her?

Five hours later, my mom and my dad told my sister and I that Anthony was now going to Boston Children's Hospital. I couldn't feel my eyes. They were swolen and heavy from crying for five straight hours.

"He has two skull fractures and a broken nose." My mom told me, while holding my hands.
"He is going to be okay." she reassured.

Everything was not okay. I knew it in my heart something was seriously wrong. Her smile seemed as fake as can be. I could still feel his pain, right in my chest.

TO BE CONTINUED!
Last edited by missjuliesings5 on Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:06 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Hi,

I'm Izzy. Welcome to YWS!

On YWS we have a few rules;

-Please rate your work. This allows it to show up on the YWS main page if it's PG-13 or under! That way you'll get more reviews and young members won't go stumbling into it if it has mature content. So, if there is the F-word or sex, please rate it R and rate it appropriately.

-Do not use CAPs or chat-speak on YWS. For example: THAT WAS GREAT! or i <3 dat! We're all writers here, so please post like one. :)

-Please review at least two pieces of work before posting your own. This is the 2:1 ratio rule and it keeps everything in balance. If your review is less than three sentences it won't count as a review, so try and put as much thought in as possible. That will help other writers improve on their work, and I'm sure there are others who will happily return the favor.

Why not pop down to the welcome forum to introduce yourself!


Okay, so down to the main review now :)

As stated before please reframe from using capitals. If you want to portray a person shouting you can just write;

-he shouted or he screamed

That's just simple stuff but it's better than using capitals.

Secondly I was quite intrigued by this, it's an original idea that I haven't seen before on YWS but there is definetley room for expansion. Maybe you could do a flashback to when they were small and he broke his arm or something, you can go into how upset Julie was then and then say how much worse this is, how much worse she feels.

Feel free to pm me with questions,


Izzy
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Jean-Paul Sartre




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whoaa okay that was intense. I really felt the emotion coming out of this one. You described your pain accurately enough so that even I, who does not have a twin, could understand where you're coming from. I especially like your observations of other people. Like the dad's cold face, something that you never seen before. I imagine everything must still be pretty vivid in your mind, even so early in the morning.

I could't help but notice the little grammar errors. I understand with the cap locks though, you wanted to emphasize the urgency in your voice. A great way to get your story to reach out more to others if there were no little errors like that. I can look past it, but others will scream at you for saying to instead of too. I have a friend who ranted about people writng your when it's supposed to be you're.

So just a few touch-ups and the story should be prefect.
Any man can handle adversity, to test a man's character give him power - Abraham Lincoln

To be the greatest is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark. - ?



Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief