The Four Seasons. Ch1

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Chapter 1
Narrated By
Brutus Cerberus

It's raining in here; it seems like god's vomiting his throat out, disgusted by his own creation's sins.
Everyone is running around in search of a shelter, making a desperate attempt to save their already soaked clothes.
But not me; what do I have to worry about? I don't care if my vest and my torn denim get wet, they will dry again by themselves.
I look around me and all I can see are bloody dogs and bitches, just looking for a chance to slit each other's throats and steal each other's possessions. These dogs and bitches divide themselves on the basis of their furs. Dogs of different furs burn each other's houses and orphan each other's kids. The sewers of the city are filled with blood and rotten corpses. Rats feed on them and grow as large as cats and dogs. They invade the streets and spread deadly diseases.
Plague ridden orphans beg, steal or even eat each other to survive.
Poverty, crime and plague clutch the city in it's deadly claws.
Seeing all this I feel sick and finally decide to seek shelter.
Of course my first choice would be a restaurant.
I find a decent one after walking a couple of blocks.
In here the only thing edible is their burger.
I devour my burger as quickly as I can, then once again start my journey home.
As I walk, I pass by some old, abandoned houses and the now barren playground I once used to play in.
Suddenly I hear some muffled voice crying for help, coming from the corner of the street.
I run to help.
There I find several men with chains and guns surrounding a girl about 15 or 16.
Immediately I feel adrenalin pour into my blood. My blood pressure soars up and my canines grow longer.
I jump into the scene and grab a man's hand with my paws. I twist it and it breaks with a snap.
Then I grab another one's head and and punch him hard on the nose. Blood gushes down his broken nose.
After that I didn't have to do much, they run away as they should.
I bet they had peed in their pants.
Seeing all this of course the girl is petrified but at least she is safe.
“Thank You.” she says.
“Anytime.” I reply blushingly.
Well, actually I would've walked right away after scaring those morons away, as I am not much of a social guy; but for some strange reason I wanted to talk with her. It was the first time I was experiencing something like this, and I kinda enjoy this feeling. The funny feeling in my stomach indicates the secretion of adrenalin once again, causing nervousness this time.
I offer her to escort her home and obviously she agrees.
As we walk, bathed in the moon light, our eyes often meet; and I can see her cheeks go red and I bet she can see me blush too.
After walking half an hour, her home finally came.
“I hope to see you again soon” she says and then walks inside her apartment.
“ Tomorrow in the playground?” I ask sheepishly.
“of course.” she said, smiling at me.
Then we finally parted for the day, and I walked to my home.

I am not able to sleep tonight, I just cant take her out of my mind.
The funny feeling in my stomach is happening again.
It feels good in a strange way.
I just cant wait for tomorrow and meet her again.
Last edited by spike71294 on Wed Aug 05, 2009 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Female
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Reviews 150
Hey there spike71294!

First I'd like to point out that I liked your story! But I noticed some things:

I don't care if my vest and my torn denim get wet, they will dry again by themselves.


I think you should state what the torn denim is, jeans or the vest itself?


They invade the streets and spread deadly diseases.
Plague ridden orphans beg, steal or even eat each other to survive.
Poverty, crime and plague clutch the city in it's deadly claws.


You may want to add some detail as to what happened to the city to make it that way? Or do you want that mysterious affect?

surrounding a girl about 15 or 16.


years old?

Immediately I feel adrenalin pour into my blood. My blood pressure soars up and my canines grow longer. I jump into the scene and grab a man's hand with my paws. I twist it and it breaks with a snap.
Then I grab another one's head and and punch him hard on the nose. Blood gushes down his broken nose.


That gives the impression that he turned into something when he felt that adrenalin, is that right? If so, you might want to give more detail to describe it.

“I hope to see you again soon,” she says and then walks inside her apartment.


period :D

Of course.” she said, smiling at me.


capitalize :D

Other than that I think the story's good!

Hope you find this helpful! :) Keep writing!

-Irish
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

Teacher: What do we, in the U.S enjoy from places like Mexico?
Student: Wait, legally?

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People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
— Leo J. Burke