Mrs Jones - Chapter 6

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Heya, folks.
Here we go again. What really happened after the tree hut?? Well, I guess you'll find out here.
And I just wanna say that I'm leaving to go on holiday tonight and will be gone for 8 days, so there won't be any more chapters of Mrs Jones before that time. I have almost finished the two next chapters so it shouldn't be too long before the next one comes up after I've come home ;) .
Thanks to all you guys who actually read my work. You guys are the most amazingest humans in the world.
Please comment on anything that is good or bad, what you like or what you don't like.


CHAPTER SIX:
BLISS


Amanda woke up in a state of total bliss. The man lying next to her was the man of her dreams. Last night had been the best night of her life.
David had chosen her. She had won. Once he woke up he would call Evelyn and tell her that it was over. That he didn’t want to marry her anymore and that the last three and a half years had been one big mistake from his side. Or maybe he would wait ‘till she came back from the States and finish it face to face. It didn’t really matter how he did it, just the fact of it made Amanda feel happy. She was certain that he’d made his choice last night.
Amanda lay on her side with her right hand supporting her head, looking over at David. David was on his back, the duvet barely covering him. His right hand lay outside of the bed frame, dangling in the air, while his left was resting on his stomach. His mouth was open and he was almost snoring, making small grunts every now and then, making Amanda giggle. His hair looked messy, like he’d been outside in a storm, and Amanda found that extremely sexy.
She sighed every now and then, considering if she was gonna wake him or not. She didn’t have to think for long, because shortly after he stretched, yawned and turned towards Amanda.
“Morning,” she told him and he opened his eyes, looking at her with big warmth.
He yawned again. “Morning, Mandy.”
He sat up, and instantly put his hand to his head, while whimpering in pain. “Awh, man!”
“Head ache?” Amanda asked, although the answer was pretty clear.
“Yeah,” he looked down at the duvet, “erm, are you naked too?”
Amanda had to smile at his confused look as he added two and two.
“Oh, man. We didn’t…?”
Amanda nodded. “Don’t you remember? You kissed me in our tree-hut.”
David got a big grin on his face. “That’s right, I do remember.” He leaned in and kissed Amanda again.
Amanda sighed. “You know, you could continue to kiss me for all eternity.” she said smiling broadly.
David’s eyes sparkled and he leaned over her forcing her to lay down on her back. “Oh, really?” He held himself over her and kissed her long and passionate. Amanda put her hands around his neck and played with his hear.
She felt totally light-headed and didn’t have a worry in the world as she kissed David back.
David kissed her on the tip of her nose and leaned back into the other side of the bed. They both sighed as they broke apart. And Amanda couldn’t do anything but smile.
David leaned his head back on the head-board and closed his eyes. “Do you have any pain killers?” He rubbed his temples.
“Yeah, they’re down in the kitchen.” She sat up. “Do you want me to go down and get them for you?”
David looked at her putting his hands behind his head. “Would you mind? My head is killing me.”
“No problem.” She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before she got up and put on her robe and then skipped smilingly to the door.
She entered the kitchen by taking a little detour through the living room just to check its status. It didn’t look that bad actually. A lot of the paper-drapes that had covered most of the ceiling were on the floor or hanging down, looking rather worn. And there were a few bottles here and there but nothing major. She sighed in relief and looked at the watch, it was only 10:00 am, but of course – she saw as she entered the kitchen – Katie was up. She and Lucas sat by the kitchen table drinking tea. Apparently he had spent the night as well.
“Morning!” Amanda smiled to them as she walked in.
“Morning.” Lucas yawned back.
“Mandy, what on earth are you doing up now?” Katie asked surprised.
Amanda laughed. “Early riser??”
Lucas and Katie laughed at her joke. They had both known her long enough to know that Amanda was anything but an early riser or a morning bird.
As Amanda looked through the cabinet over the oven, standing on her toes, Katie asked her another question. “Hey, where did you get to last night? Neither of us saw or heard you come in?”
Amanda found the package of paracetamols and went over to the table.
“Me and David spent some quality time in our old hut.”
Katie was holding both of her hands around her cup, “Wasn’t that seriously cold?” Lucas nodded, showing that he thought that as well.
Amanda couldn’t help smiling. “Nah, we had blankets. It was so cozy though. Good night, good night. You guys had fun though?”
Lucas and Katie smiled at each other and said “yes!” at the same time.
Amanda laughed looking at them gazing at each other, clearly they were still as much in love as the day they met. “Well, the twins are gonna be happy though. You know they are probably gonna wanna throw another party soon.”
Katie broke Lucas’s gaze and turned to Amanda. “Yeah, well, if they get up soon and clean up after it, then it is no problem for me.” She looked back at Lucas.
“You know, Katie, they won’t be able to clean up if you do it before they’re up though, you know that??”
Katie flung out an arm trying to hit her. But missed and they all laughed. Katie was a bit obsessed with having everything tidy and dust-free around her. In some way she was the perfect room-mate. You knew it would always be clean in your house with her around.
Amanda went to the sink to get a glass of water.
Lucas had noticed the packet of pain killers she had put in her pockets. “Bad head??”
Amanda nodded. “No, I am fine.”
Lucas and Katie looked at her with confused looks.
“Oh,” Amanda understood what they were hinting towards, “they’re for David.” She blushed, suddenly realizing she may have said too much.
Katie raised her eyebrows. “David? Is he still here?”
Amanda shrugged. “Yeah, he spent the night on my floor. He didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment.”
Lucas totally bought it, but Katie knew Amanda better, so she looked at her like she was trying to read her mind, or to force the truth to be written on Amanda’s forehead. Amanda stood still and tried to look as it was the most natural thing in the world that David had spent the night in her room. David was her best friend after all.
It looked like Katie gave up and bought the story for now at least, and she went back to sipping on her tea.
“I better get back up with these to him. He did not look very good!”
Katie and Lucas nodded and smiled at her as she went out of the kitchen and ran upstairs again.

“What are you doing?” Amanda stopped still in the doorway.
David was on his feet in his jeans and just sliding his white t-shirt on.
“Getting dressed, I thought that maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea if the others find out that I’ve spent the night…” He sat down on the bed to put his socks on.
Amanda closed the door and sat down beside him. “Here you go.” She handed him the glass and the box of pills.
“Thanks, Mandy.” He left his left foot without a sock and quickly swallowed the pain killers and drank the entire glass of water in one drink.
“Oh, that was good. Thanks again.” He smiled warmly at her.
Amanda could see that he wasn’t feeling alright, even though he tried to smile and laugh as usual, but his eyes were small and it looked as all he wanted to do was to be asleep.
“No problem, but are you sure that you don’t wanna stay, you don’t look very good.” Amanda tried to maintain eye contact with him, but he was utterly focused on getting his left sock on his foot.
“No, I should be getting home before the others find out.”
Amanda shrugged. “Well, Katie and Luc already knows.”
David sent her a worried look.
“Don’t worry, they were up already, you know Katie, and she saw the pain killers, so I just said that you slept on my floor instead of going home. And you couldn’t possibly have taken the car home last night anyway, so you would have to come back and pick that up in morning as well. It all makes sense. Don’t worry.”
David hugged her. “Thank you again, Mandy.”
Amanda smiled at him. “No worries, but are you sure you don’t want to stay a while longer. You could take a shower and you’ll feel better then.”
“No, I need to be getting home. I’m in a real mood for a day on the lovely couch in front of the TV.” He smiled at her. “But thanks for the offer. You know you are the best!” He got up and kissed her on the cheek. Amanda motioned for another kiss on the lips, but David didn’t seem to notice.
He looked around after his coat, under pillows and under the duvet, when he was flat on his stomach looking under the bed, Amanda couldn’t keep it to herself anymore.
“It is downstairs, along with your shoes, you know in the hall.” Amanda said teasingly.
He chuckled. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense!”
Amanda followed him as he headed for the door and went downstairs.
“You sure you can’t stay any longer?”
David turned around. “No, I really need to relax and calm my head. But can’t you pop by later?”
“Yes, sure.” Amanda smiled at him, even though he had turned around and was on his way to the door.
“Oi, morning Dave.” Lucas was standing in the doorway that led from the kitchen to the hallway.
“Morning, Luc.” David bent down to put on his Vans.
“You feeling alright?” Katie had joined Lucas with a glass of water in her hands. Lucas put his hand around her shoulders.
David got up and slid his coat on. “Yeah,” he put his thumbs up, “super-shape!” He laughed. “Just need a little rest and a little peace, and I’ll be in top shape again.”
“Good to hear.” Lucas said, hitting him on his shoulders.
Katie just smiled looking from Amanda and David, and to David and Amanda, hoping to see them sending each other a secret look, but Amanda just smiled, glowed actually. Amanda noticed Katie’s stare and just smiled at all three of them. Trying not to be too obvious what had happened. She felt that Katie had a suspicion, but no way was she gonna confirm that before David had told Evelyn. She wasn’t gonna be the other woman!
“Are you coming over later then, Dave?” Katie asked, still trying to look at both of them at the same time.
“Eh…” David was looking for his car keyes, “I dunno, maybe the Twins wants me over for a bit of cleaning, which in that case I am not coming over.” He made a cheeky grin. And they all laughed.
“Don’t worry though, you know Katie, if the Twins sleep much longer the house’ll be sparkling soon enough!” Amanda said while grinning teasingly at Katie.
“Yeah, maybe I will come over then.” David chuckled. “Has anyone seen my car keyes?”
“Oh, yeah. They’re on the counter…” Katie went into the kitchen again and got them. “Here you go.” She threw them over.
“Thanks. Ehm,” he looked around at the three of them, “well, bye. Thanks for last night.”
Amanda blushed when he said that, but he had clearly said it to them all, so she tried to shake the red cheeks off.
“Ditto.” Katie said, with Lucas nodding.
David opened the door and went outside, Katie and Lucas went back in to the kitchen and cleaned up their breakfast plates, and Amanda stood holding the door smiling at David. “So, I’ll see you later?”
David walked slowly backwards. “Yeah, just pop over in a few hours, won’t you?”
“Sure. See ya.”
“See ya, mushroom!” He waved teasingly at her, and she waved back.
Amanda lingered in the door as he got in the car and when he drove off she sighed and closed the door, feeling like the happiest person alive.
“Amanda, would you like some breakfast?” Katie called from the kitchen.
Amanda went in to the kitchen to find Lucas putting the dishes in the dishwasher and Katie putting a glass of jam back in the fridge. “No, thanks. I’ll eat later, not hungry right now.” She was still smiling. She poured herself a cup of tea and headed in to the living room. The other two followed with their cups of tea, and they all sat down in the sofa. Katie snuggled up in a loveseat with Lucas while Amanda took the big sofa beside them.
“Why did David just call you mushroom?” Lucas said, breaking the silence.
Amanda giggled. “Oh, it’s just stupid.”
Katie laughed, too. “Yeah, it really is, Luc.” He looked up at him, and his face looked like a question mark. “Oh, come on, Mandy, tell him!”
“Ok, but promise me you won’t think I am weird…”
Lucas looked confused. “What is it?”
“Promise?”
Lucas nodded again, with a very curious look in his eyes. “Yes, I promise. Now what is it? I though you didn’t like mushrooms.”
Katie giggled again. “She doesn’t.”
“Then why?” Lucas added with a bit of hoplessness in his voice.
Amanda laughed a little. “Well, I don’t like mushrooms. But, ever since I was little I’ve always ordered pizza’s with them, just to pluck them off before I eat the pizza…”
“Why?”
“Because I like the taste…” Amanda explained.
“But why not eat them then?” Lucas still did not get it.
“Because they are yucky. Everybody knows that. They’re grey and dry and disgusting!” Amanda shook off the chills she got just thinking about them.
“But,” Lucas started, but Katie answered him before he got to the question.
“She likes the ‘juice’, not the ‘fruit’.”
Amanda burst out laughing, glad that she had swallowed the tea before Katie had said that. She put the cup hastily away and held one hand over her mouth and the other over her stomach. Lucas and Katie looked at her not getting what was so funny.
“What’s so funny, Mandy?” Katie asked her, her cheeks turning red with worry that it was herself Amanda was laughing at.
Amanda was still laughing. “Oh, you made that sound so dirty! She likes the juice not the fruit.” Amanda said in a deep voice and then continued laughing, being joined by the other two.
“Ha-ha, I am so sorry I didn’t realize!”
“What’s all this noise so early in the morning?”
Matt and Marcus came in, yawning and rubbing their eyes. This was apparently way too early for them to be up.
“It’s not fair for you guys to be so loud so darn early in the morning!” Matt sat grumpily down next to Amanda only wearing his Gummibear-boxers.
“Yeah, you could be a little quieter…” Marcus sat down in the free love-seat opposite Lucas and Katie. He wore a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers with pictures of crabs on them.
“Oh, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you up.” Amanda said, ruffling Matt’s messy blonde hair.
“Yeah, sorry lads.” Lucas added, while he rubbed Katie’s back.
Katie sat up and stared at Marcus’ boxers. “What the heck is that?”
“What the heck is what?” Marcus asked while he stretched.
“Your boxers!” Katie pointed at them.
Matt giggled and answered for his brother. “He’s got Crabs!!”
Amanda and Lucas burst out in laughter at the same time, joined by Matt and Marcus’ giggles. Katie just raised one eyebrow and shook her head, but she was also smiling. “You know, they look seriously scary? Wherever did you get them?”
This time Marcus answered for himself. “We found a little shop when mum and dad took us to Wales…” He smiled at them.
“Did you get a pair, too?” Katie asked Matt.
Matt looked proud. “Of course, they’re way cool.” Then his smile faded. “Marc, you know where mine are?”
“Awh, don’t tell me you forgot them at home!”
Matt smiled again. “Oh, yeah. I did. I think mum forgot to put them in my bag after she washed them, before we left.”
Everyone apart from Matt and Marcus rolled their eyes.
“Your mother still packs for you?” Katie asked in surprise.
“Yeah, of course.” Matt just shrugged before he yawned, like it was the most normal thing that the mother still packed for her 23 year old sons. Amanda giggled again. She really did know how to spoil them.
“Oh, Marcus. We bought Luc a gift didn’t we?”
Lucas sent a worried look down to his girlfriend. “You did?” he asked with a little worried voice.
Amanda could see that he hadn’t forgotten about their last gift; they had been to Norway with their parents (of course) and had returned with a white t-shirt that had a picture of a three-pointed road sign with a moose on it, and the word “Norway” under it, for Lucas, Katie, David, Evelyn and Amanda. Only David and Amanda had found it not a useless present.
“Yeah, I’ll go get it.” Marcus leaped off the couch and ran into his bedroom which was the closest to the living room.
“What is it you have gotten him?” Katie asked frowning at Matt.
Matt returned her frown with a cheeky grin. “You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
At that moment Marcus came running back in and as he sat back down in the sofa, he threw a wrapped, flat, present to Lucas. He started unwrapping it, and it didn’t take long before a pair of boxers, identical to Marcus’ fell onto his lap. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Awh, you shouldn’t have…” he said in a girly voice.
“You’re welcome, we bought the same ones for David as well.” Marcus said.
Matt continued for him. “We bought something for you girls as well, but I forgot to put that in my bag as well.”
Amanda laughed again. “What is it?” Amanda loved presents, but didn’t like not knowing what was in them.
“We can’t tell you know, it’ll ruin the surprise.” Marcus said.
“That’s right! You’ll get it when mum sends down Matt’s boxers.”
Katie was holding Lucas’ present and looked over at the Twins in disbelief. “You are not expecting Luc to actually wear these are you?”
“Why shouldn’t I wear them?” Lucas answered before the Twins had a chance to.
Katie looked over at him. “’Cause they’re… Well, they’re… Horrid!”
The boys and Amanda laughed again.
“No, they’re not. They’re kinda cool, Katie.” He snatched them back and kissed her on her forehead.
“Boys!” she just added and Amanda nodded in agreement. They were a species all of their own.
“So, you guys happy with the party last night?” Amanda asked, turning to the Twins.
“Yeah, it was amazing!” Matt added with a big grin. “We can sure throw a heck of a party.”
“Yeah, and the house isn’t demolished either,” Marcus added, sweeping his eyes over the living room.
“About that…” Katie started, but Matt clearly knew where she was heading so he interrupted her.
“Ehm, Amanda did you enjoy the party?” He looked at her interrogatory.
“Yeah, it was a brilliant party, guys.” Amanda tried not to smile too obviously.
“I thought so, cause I heard a lot of noise up there when I went to bed last night.” He grinned at her.
Oh, darn. I thought we were quiet! Amanda looked down at her hands that were resting in her lap.
“Did you have visitors?” Marcus asked pretending to be surprised.
“No, or yes. But it was only David…”
Matt and Marcus’ eyes became wide. “Did you and Dave…?” Matt began.
Amanda waved her hands in front of him. “No, no, are you crazy? He just slept on my floor.” She tried to keep her voice steady, and it seemed they all bought the lie.
“Oh, but did he have to jump on the bed again?” Matt asked her.
Thank God for the love Dave had for jumping on beds. Otherwise this could’ve been hard to explain. Amanda sighed. “I’m sorry. He was just so drunk last night, nothing got through to him.”
The Twins chuckled. “Yeah, we noticed. He was in a good mood last night.” Marcus said.
“Bet he didn’t have a good morning though!” Matt added. “Is he still here?” He tried to look around the corner into the hall, like he was expecting David to be standing there for some reason.
“No, he went home like 20 minutes ago, with a major head ache.” Amanda answered feeling in control of her cheeks.
Luc nodded in agreement. “He looked a right mess that lad.”
“Ok, you’ve been up for 10 minutes now, when are you gonna start cleaning?” Katie suddenly asked the Twins. Amanda could see that it had been torturing her not to have set the boys so work sooner.
Amanda and Lucas raised an eyebrow at each other and smiled. Katie was still Katie.
Amanda got up. “Well, I think that is my cue to leave.”
“No, Mandy, don’t abandon us!” Matt said in a voice that sounded like she was his only way off a sinking ship.
She shrugged him off. “Your party lads!” She saw the look on their pouting faces and added. “Ok, ok. I’ll just take a shower then I’ll come and help you with whatever’s left alright. But not for long, I promised David I’d pop over and check on him.” She smiled at the thought. David, she was gonna see David again.
“Oh, could you bring him his present? Since we seem to be forced to clean up here for the entire day!” Matt asked, looking like a little kid whose mum had just scolded him.
“Yeah, sure. No problem.”
Matt and Marcus smiled appreciatively at her.
As Amanda left the living room and headed upstairs, she heard Katie giving the three lads orders on what needed to be done. She laughed again, for the millionth time this morning and was so happy that her life seemed to be perfect for the first time in a long time.
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That's it for now. Wish me a happy holiday! lol
Hope you liked it :D
Love Liz
I’ll be back so soon you won’t have time to miss me. Look after my heart — I’ve left it with you.

Thinking can save your life, thinking too much can take it away - Tusker93




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Have a good vacation!!
Now, I still love the whole general idea of the story, but I liked this chapter a little less. I'd appreciate a little descriptions on everything, light, dark, smell, whatever, you get the idea. It was the first chapter we've seen her talk to her friends that way[goofing off so immensely, I mean], wasn't it? Very interesting in a way, the relationship they all have, no one being left out, no nothing.
By the way, Lucas and Katie, the way they keep so close to each other is so true. Couples in love in real life act like that. Not everyone, but I can think of a few. Way to go on that part.
Okay, so I thought most of it was a bit telly, and that's why I recommend descriptions.
Still love it though.
I thought that David seemed a little awkward - you nearly gave me a heart attack in the beginning. When she's thinking 'I won' [which is a little twisted, if she loves him. Shouldn't she think, he loves me back, instead?] I kept waiting for him to wake up and prove her wrong. Also, he wakes up not remembering, totally stressed, and then in seconds goes to kissing her. A bit strange. I was so relieved when she was right, that they are together!!
Enjoy your holiday, and come back with more!!
ofir
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow




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Hey :)

I also have a problem with the "she had won" it casts her in totally the wrong light, making her look scheming and evil.
And more description needed. (although well done on describing David)

“You feeling alright?” Katie had joined Lucas with a glass of water in her hands. Lucas put his hand around her shoulders.
Personally, I think "arm" would be better, 'cause it would be a pretty big hand. Or maybe change it to "shoulder"

-

“No, he went home like 20 minutes ago, with a major head ache.” Amanda answered feeling in control of her cheeks.
Two problems with this. Numbers sound so much better when they're written out. Like the '20' should be 'twenty' and headache is one word.

But that's about it for errors that jumped out at me. Great instalment. :D

Your dialogue is great, even if you're a bit too descriptive at the end. It's difficult, I know, 'case I have the same problem. Just trust the reader to get the tone, because it does take attention away from the actual dialogue.

Good job!

~ EmmaJane ~
Last edited by EmmaJane on Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:21 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Major oops! :oops: My comment about the speechtag - scrap. What was I thinking?!!
Your = Possession. Your shoes are so sweet!
You're = Omission. You're quite strange...

If you are confused about which to put, simply say in your mind "you are" and see if that fits the sentence. If not, you are looking for your.

Little Macey | Got YWS? | KOTS:BD



Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
— Elias Root Beadle