A peom for the legends

I'm still working on a few bits and pieces and thus havn't submitted anything for a few days, so I've got another poem ready to keep my "fans" happy

A poem for the legends

Actors come and actors go, but only the greats live on.
We make them heroes, idols and legends, and have hopes to follow in their footsteps.
But some are taken too early, and it hurts us deep inside.
Still they live on; their legend growing stronger with each heartbreaking year that passes.
River Phoenix, James Dean, Heath Ledger and Marilyn Monroe.
All will have a special place in our hearts until the day we join them.
And all will be remembered for the warmth and happiness and joy they brought to so many lives.
Sadly we all come to realize that a hero today could suddenly become a legend tomorrow.
If it’s decided that their time has come to an end.
But don’t be sad, at least not for too long, celebrate their lives and cherish the work they’ve done.
For we will all soon discover the cruel fact of life that Dickenson once sung.
Is that sadly “Only the good die young”.

First, capitalize your title correctly, "A Poem for the Legends."

Second, I would give each segment after a comma it's own line. For example:

"Actors come and actors go,
but only the greats live on.
We make them heroes, idols and legends,
and have hopes to follow in their footsteps."
... etc.

And last, you seem to be trying in some places to make the lines rhyme. In your last three lines, for instance, with done/sung/young. But it isn't anywhere else in your poem and it feels awkward to read. I would break any incidental rhymes and just let the poem be free-verse.

Otherwise, I like the idea behind this, as a sort of tribute to celebrity legends. Personally, I don't much care for celebrities, but you do make a good point. They do effect our world, and we should be appreciative for their lives, even if they are taken somewhat early. Thanks for sharing!

~Yoyo

Hi burgs,

Come on now. You have to realize how preachy, narrow-minded, and nauseating this sounds as a whole.

burgs2009 wrote:Actors come and actors go, but only the greats live on.
We make them heroes, idols and legends, and have hopes to follow in their footsteps.
But some are taken too early, and it hurts us deep inside.

Some basic questions to ask yourself:

Who is "us", and why? You constantly mention two parties - the greats and the unnamed other. It could be the movie-going audience, the world in general, or the band of hardcore followers and fanatics. Which one is it? Does it matter? As of now, you haven't managed to answer or even bring up any of these questions and it dries up the poem as a result.

Still they live on; their legend growing stronger with each heartbreaking year that passes.
River Phoenix, James Dean, Heath Ledger and Marilyn Monroe.
All will have a special place in our hearts until the day we join them.

The emotions in this piece seem to be stunted and looking out a one-view window. So the year is "heartbreaking". Is that it, then? Is there no transition between the stages of grief, denial, and acceptance? Heartbreaking can't be all that encompasses the coming years.

The entire special place and join them nonsense has been used many times before and that entire line should be deleted.

And all will be remembered for the warmth and happiness and joy they brought to so many lives.

This sounds like a Hallmark card, with all of its hollowness and plasticity. Warmth and happiness and joy are basically the same thing (unless you can point out differently in the poem), so why repeat them? There appears to be no point. And who are these so many lives? How were they touched?

Sadly we all come to realize that a hero today could suddenly become a legend tomorrow.
If it’s decided that their time has come to an end.
But don’t be sad, at least not for too long, celebrate their lives and cherish the work they’ve done.
For we will all soon discover the cruel fact of life that Dickenson once sung.
Is that sadly “Only the good die young”.

This ending is almost revoltingly preachy, as stated in the beginning. You basically tell the reader what to do and what to believe. There's absolutely no poetic element present in any of the piece from beginning to end, something you should work on before anything else. Can you compare the loss? Dissect it poetically? Embellish it with raw emotion and language? You should be able not only to convey the simple presence of sorrow and acceptance, but the electric feel it brings to the soul. This poem doesn't do that, and the emotions themselves need a thorough editing.

In general, poems like this belong printed on one-dollar Get Well cards, not among the annals of truly emotional literature. Try again and embrace the feeling as a liquid, not a word to be stamped on every line and neatly packaged.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

I may get in trouble for this, but sod it.

I'm all for constructive criticism, I think it’s essential in helping new and young writers develop and improve. However, you didn’t seem to offer any kind of help whatsoever.
At no point am I “telling” anybody what to think, I’m merely speaking as a fan whose desire to speak of my loss led to write this poem as soon as I heard the news. Surely from the content of the poem you could have deciphered who the second party was meant to be. I’m sure you’ve read other pieces that have been written using a second party, were they telling you what to think as well?

The Oxford dictionary describes a poem as: “a literary composition in verse typically concerned with the expression of feelings or imaginative description.”
Was there no expression of feeling in that poem?

Next time, if you decide to review more of my work, maybe you could try and be a bit more useful.