Mon Hetero/ It's time for a tea party

We’re having a tea party.
Just you, us and he.

We’ll fondle a hatter.
We’ll tug your guts green.

Cram crumpets we will
down intestinal throats
as I swallow your seed
like chunky soy milk.
I’ll gag, and you’ll choke.

Let's go the clearing
Where mice dance to our moans,
holding eyelid umbrellas:
skin stretched on bird-bones.

Come to our party, oh please
Mon hetero.
Bite back your Beh-jesus
as we strip off our cloaks.

"Just you, us and he." - Suuuper awkward line. Change us to them, or say "Just you, him and them." Just something else, because that line is wrenching.


"Cram crumpets we will
down intestinal throats
as I swallow your seed
like chunky soy milk."

I love these lines! They have great meter, but the last line seems tacked on at the end. I like it, but I think it should be moved someplace else.

Not really sure what this poem was about, but it was interesting. I would also check for a more accepted spelling of "beh-jesus" because I don't think that's correct.

And welcome to YWS! Remember you should try to give two reviews per each post you submit. Keep it up!
~Yoyo

Danke, madame.

Your advice has been lovingly taken into consideration.