'Til Summer Comes Around Chapter Two

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.2.
Dom’s uncle, Sunny, walked into the coffee shop, coming to a pause when he saw his nephew’s slim body slung over the front counter, waist up.
“You okay there, Dom?” Sunny chuckled.
Dom shot upright and pushed his hat back. He grinned and nodded sleepily, “Yeah, I’m good... Just a little stiff...”
Sunny shook his head as he walked over and turned Dom’s face to one side so that the wound on his face was clearer to see, “Yeah... You’d better go ahead and take off, kid, you look pretty done up.”
“I’m fine,” Dom assured him quickly, clasping his hands together in his lap, “Dad won’t be home ‘til later anyhow seeing how he’s fallen into the habit of stopping by the neighborhood bar every night after work.”
By the way that Sunny looked at him, Dom knew he had said too much. Biting his lip, Dom rubbed the back of his neck and squirmed uneasily on the barstool on which he was seated.
“How are things, Dom?” Sunny queried, resting his elbow on the counter top’s surface as he leaned against it.
Dom pressed his lips together and lowered his sapphire gaze to his lap, longing for a customer to walk in. None did, and when he returned his gaze to his uncle he found he was under a heavy examination.
“Fine, I guess...” he said finely, “Different from what it used to be... but fine.”
“Do you want to come stay with Teri and me for a while?” Sunny asked him, “Just until things clear up or...”
“No,” Dom said quickly, hopping off the stool and snatching up his satchel, “No... umm... On second thought... I’m gonna head down to the pier, I think... The light’s perfect for snapping some pictures and all that, so...”
He rushed passed Sunny, “Besides, Chewy’s with Talon at the Ferris wheel so I need to go ahead and get him-“
“Dom,” Sunny interrupted him.
Dom looked over his shoulder at him just as he reached the door.
“You can tell me anything,” Sunny told him.
Dom licked his lips and seemed to feel more apprehensive than before. But he nodded and flashed one of his famous crooked, white grins before he hurried out the door without another word.

Chewy sat at Dom’s feet when Dom sank onto a bench. Dom looked at the shepherd dog and gave his limp ear a fond tug as he sighed, “What are we gonna do, buddy?”
Chewy whimpered and rested his head on Dom’s knee, his liquid blue eyes pouting up at him.
“I don’t know either,” Dom sighed, biting his thumbnail.
He gathered the dog’s face in his hands pressed his brow to Chewy’s saying softly, “We’ll get through this together, though, right, pal? Things’ll calm down some, we just have to get through it all...”
A camera flashed, and he looked up to see one of the most peculiar sights he had ever seen.
A girl stood only a few feet away holding a large camera. That was not what puzzled him. What startled him were the varieties and the patterns of the colors that she wore. Reds, blues, greens, purples, yellows, even oranges. Her hair even had bizarre colors among the long tresses of the natural dark crimson. To anyone with eyes she might have been the most colorful, vibrant person on the pier. She was.
“Did you just take a picture of me?” he asked, knowing it was completely obvious.
She giggled and seated herself next to him, “Well, when inspiration hits you, you might as well roll with the blow. Otherwise, you’ll lose that perfect moment... I’m Red. Well, that’s not my real name; my real name is Evelyn but I told my mother it sounded like some gothic name from the Medieval Times and I don’t really like that time period, so I went with “Red” my favorite color, plus everyone calls me “Red” anyhow, so I might as well just go along with it, right?”
Dom stared at her for a moment. He grinned, flashing a smile as he held out his hand, “Dom... My name is Dom... Short for ‘Dominic’.”
“Ooh, I like that name,” she gasped, “It sounds so strong and superior.”
He grinned.
“You know, you suit your name very well,” she told him, “Especially with all those fighting mars. My friends over there saw you and they said you looked like a ‘bad boy’ or whatever, but I don’t think so at all.”
“Why don’t you think so?” he asked.
“Because if you got those bruises from a fight you wouldn’t be trying to hide them like you are now,” she replied, shrugging, “It’s neat how I do that, huh? My mom’s a psychoanalyst and she’s taught me all kinds of tricks like that.”
He gulped and looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.
Red only smiled, “I tend to a little outspoken... I’m sorry, Dominic... Most people hate me for that. But I am what I am and I guess that means they have to live with it.”
He looked at her again. She amazed him with her willingness to speak to a complete stranger.
“Well, my class is about to move on,” she sighed, “I’d better go.”
She pressed a quick kiss to his lips and said, “I’ll see you around, Dominic.”
Dom watched her go, his head in a daze. He turned to Chewy, who sat there panting with his pink tongue lolling out of his mouth.
Dom turned back to see if he could spy that sprite-like girl, but she was gone. Again, he looked at Chewy, and said, “What just happened?”
Are you a Badfish, too?




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First, I'd like to say that the ominous undertones are rather well done throughout the dialogue.

Something I think you could work on is the perspective of your writing. At some places it feels as if the narrator is a character observing Dom,
[Dom licked his lips and seemed to feel more apprehensive than before.]
and at others it feels more like the story's told from Dom's perspective.
[A camera flashed, and he looked up to see one of the most peculiar sights he had ever seen.]

It could just be me, but I feel that in some places Dom's name is used too often.

I realize Red is supposed to be rather outlandish and unusual, but it seems a little over the top for her to kiss Dom after a couple minutes of conversation. May I suggest something a bit less forward, like giving him her number or kissing him on the cheek?

Other than that, I can't really critique further. The characters seem very real and whole. You did well adding slow but steady development throughout the passage.




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Sorry I couldn't read this till now. I'm liking this chick, 'Red'. She's cool. Very outspoken. She knows who she is and what she likes and doesn't like and that's very cool. Oh, what kinda bothered me about this was I couldn't understand the reference to him fighting. Does he do this a lot? Or is it an event that teenagers like to take part in or something?
I was just confused on that part. I like the drama that's going on here with his family. Not that I like what's going on, I just like how you've written it in and developed it. Its interesting that he isn't taking up his Uncle's offer of help if he's still trying to figure out what to do. I guess it might be a guy thing or a family thing that you don't leave unless it gets really really really bad. Cause maybe to them that would be admitting something is wrong or they want to keep the family together or whatever. Anyway, good post. I'm onto Chapter three!
"You're special." "Like, 'Stop eating the paste' special?"
"For a dreamer night's the only time of day."
"No Day But Today"
"Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint."




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thanks for the reviews!
Sorry, I'm really trying to keep the main issues at hand in Dom's life a bit on the quiet side. Chapter four or five is when you'll actually begin to understand why he's acting the way he's acting. But I'm not sure when it'll be brought to justice. Also, as the story progresses, you'll learn more about his character and Red's, as well. I just like to pace the story and draw people in. The only way I know of to do that is to not spill everything all at once. cliff hangers and undertones have obviously proven effective :wink:
Thanks for reading!

~Frankie Belle~ \m/>.<\m/ rock on my people, rock on
Are you a Badfish, too?



Everything has to be taken on trust; truth is only that which is taken to be true. It's the currency of living. There may be nothing behind it, but it doesn't make any difference so long as it is honoured. One acts on assumptions. What do you assume?
— Player (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)