Rain

Oh! Joyful the sound of the pitter and patter-
its fingers on glass, they do long to reach in;
and she listened and watched all day long, as the gutters,
the streets and the rooftops, they sang out her name.

Well she pulled out her ribbon and threw wide the sashes -
tears of the heavens olled down her fair cheek -
it sparkled like jewels on her hair and eyelashes:
she flew down to greet it with bare legs and feet.

And down through the city; the glistening cathedral;
and shining the cobbles; and rivers the streets.
And hours she sat, on the steps of the hall
and she sang to the city from that lonely seat.

written very very quickly so excuse any errors!

Hey Jemima! I don't believe we've met *shakes hand* I'm Selene and it's nice to meet you! I'll also be your reviewer for today. ^_^

Nit-Picks:

tears of the heavens olled down her fair cheek -

Changed "olled" to rolled.

And down through the city; the glistening cathedral;

and shining the cobbles; and rivers the streets.

And hours she sat, on the steps of the hall

and she sang to the city from that lonely seat.

And... and... and.. *eye twitches* I think we're good on that... you have it five times there in one stanza! Hehe, I'm sorry it's just very repetitive. There should also be a comma after "steps of the hall".

And down through the city; the glistening cathedral;

and shining the cobbles; and rivers the streets.

I do believe you meant rivers in the streets. Rivulets streaming the streets sounds better... but that's just my opinion! That would be far too long anyway...

Stanza-by-Stanza:

Stanza 1- I liked the picture that I saw when I read this. You took an interesting and unique approach on describing rain. I don't really understand your last two lines, though. Maybe you could explain how these gutters sing to you?

Stanza 2- Lovely imagery! This was by far my favorite stanza. You're rhyming was great and so beautifully done. Brava!

Stanza 3- You're rhythm here was a bit off... also your rhyming isn't the greatest. I was expecting much more in this last stanza, and I feel you can deliver.

Overall:

This really is a great poem, dear, and I enjoyed reading it. Your imagery was good, as well as your attention to detail. I'll be looking forward to reading more from you.

Hi
First and foremost....thanks for keeping the poem short and simple and easy to understand.

About grammar.....run this through MS word and you should be ok.

The spirit of the rains was captured beautifully in your poems.Pleasing imagery,and fantastic description of the feelings of the narrator.The poem brought out the beauty of the rains in a very nice way.

And hours she sat, on the steps of the hall

and she sang to the city from that lonely seat.

Great lines.Everyone wants to do something that makes them feels happy in the rains, be it singing alone for hours to oneself or anything else.

Continue to write so well.

Hi! I really like this poem, actually--the imagery and the rhyme/meter give it a Victorian feel that works for the story it tells. The only big issue I found was that you tend to put in "filler" words to fit the meter, which can sound particularly out of place with the style you're going for. These particular lines jarred with me:

its fingers on glass, they do long to reach in;
and she listened and watched all day long, as the gutters,
the streets and the rooftops, they sang out her name.

Well she pulled out her ribbon and threw wide the sashes -

All four of these lines have words that struck me as unnecessary or anachronistic: both "they's" in lines 1 and 3, the "and" in line 2, and the "well" in line 4. Is there any way you could keep the meter without cluttering the poem with frivolous words like this? For instance, the third line could instead be "the streets and the rooftops all sang out her name"? I think it would make the poem feel more authentic.

Also, about these lines:

And down through the city; the glistening cathedral;
and shining the cobbles; and rivers the streets.
And hours she sat, on the steps of the hall
and she sang to the city from that lonely seat.

The first two lines...don't make much sense grammatically. If all four bits were of the *same* structure, even if it's fragmented, that would be one thing; but the first one starts out looking like the beginning of a sentence which you never finish. The second one is a noun phrase by itself, and the other two follow the same pattern of "adjective the noun." It all just feels too fragmented for that Victorian style, too chaotic. Anyway, all these "and's" have the same problem I mentioned above of being filler words that don't serve any particular purpose other than to keep the meter intact. I think you'd do well to restructure this stanza and make sure that a) it makes grammatical sense and b) every word has a function in the sentence.

All this is not to say that I didn't like the poem. I like the Victorian style and the imagery--just a little clean-up and I think this will be excellent. Well done!

Keep writing,

Stripes

Meggy!!!!!
Hi! Thi poem is just amazing. Why can't I write like this. (don't worry I'm not goig to launch into my drama magigy!) i really like this poem it is spectacular. How's the holiday? Anyway this poem could do with a little work on (not) and stop pretending to be a duck!




See ya soon babes
summer
xxxx

Meggy!!!!!
Hi! Thi poem is just amazing. Why can't I write like this. (don't worry I'm not goig to launch into my drama magigy!) i really like this poem it is spectacular. How's the holiday? Anyway this poem could do with a little work on (not) and stop pretending to be a duck!




See ya soon babes
summer
xxxx

Hihi Jem! (=
I really liked this poem. Rain has always been one of my favorite topics for poetry and this is one of the best I've read on the subject.
Now, that being said, there are a few things that can be improved upon.

Oh! Joyful the sound of the pitter and patter-

its fingers on glass, they do long to reach in;

and she listened and watched all day long, as the gutters,

the streets and the rooftops, they sang out her name.

^^ I like the imagery in this stanza. But, the rhythm is a bit off. If you read the poem out loud, the second and the third line seems to have too many syllables in it. Grammar's pretty good too, so I don't have much to say about that. The way the narration occurs is what really bothers me in this stanza. This took me a while to pinpoint; while it isn't really a mistake it kinda disturbs the flow of the stanza. The first two lines are written in an extremely detached manner, which makes the third line seem a little too personal. Then, the fourth line is detached again. So, basically, the way the third line's written is a bit awkward. What I would do is to write it so that the narrator seems a bit less active. xD That doesn't make much sense, does it? Ok, so I'd rewrite it as,
She stood all day; a silent viewer, as the gutters,
This just makes her seem less like the subject of the poem. The way you've written it makes the stanza a little more about her and less about rain.
I would delete the “they” in the last line.
Other than that, it was a great stanza!

Well she pulled out her ribbon and threw wide the sashes -

tears of the heavens olled down her fair cheek -

it sparkled like jewels on her hair and eyelashes:

she flew down to greet it with bare legs and feet.

^^ The narrating in this entire stanza bothers me. The subject of this poem (obviously xD) is rain, right? However, the way the narrator is doing all the actions makes her seem like the narrator. What I mean is that she should be a passive voice and rain should be the dominant. Instead of the first line being "she pulled", it could be phrased as,
Pulling out her ribbon and throwing the sashes wide,
And I would delete the "well" in the first line. personally, I like the entire poem in present tense teh best. Right now, some is in past and some in present...Anyway, the second line is nice; just remember to fix teh olled.
The third line is oddly phrased. I would just switch the tenseof the line. By that, I mean that you can write it as,
Sparkling like jewels on her hair and eyelashes:
And the last line is pretty.
I must say, the descriptions in this poem are amazing!

And down through the city; the glistening cathedral;

and shining the cobbles; and rivers the streets.

And hours she sat, on the steps of the hall

and she sang to the city from that lonely seat.

I love the way the last stanza is narrated; there honestly isn't much to say about it. And it's an amazing ending. As someone said, however, the and's are extremely repetitive. In the last line, I'd replace the and with an as. The third line I'd make it, she sat for hours instead of hours she sat. That's a bit awkward, anyway. The second line is amazing. In the first line, I'd delete the and. That would get rid of most of the repetition and make the flow better.

Overall -
I really liked this poem. The narration was a bit off as were teh tenses, but the subject and the description were beautiful. xD I wish I could write poetry that well!
Anyway, I'm gonna give this a shiny gold star since it was a piece that I truly enjoyed critiquing.
Peace, love, and chocolate,
Flute Loops<3