Everyone But Me

This is, or at least is supposed to be, a ballad for my language arts class. It's due on Tuesday, so reviews are more than welcomed as soon as possible.
This is supposed to have sort of a country-ish feel to it.
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There are tears in her eyes,
As she trembles with fear,
The pain in her voice,
Cries that her end is near.

It's all crashing down,
It's all breaking loose,
It just will not stop,
Her words have no use.

*Yeah, let God bless the heartache,
And God bless the strife,
God bless the little child,
Holdin' onto his life.

But the pain proves too much,
The price is too high,
She needs to break free,
Needs her time to fly.

And there that girl sits,
On that old porch swing,
Gazin' up at the stars,
Wonderin' what she should bring.

God bless the struggle,
And God bless the crime,
God bless the lonely man,
Just doin' his time.

So she slings on her bag,
And she closes the door,
She's gone from that life,
Forever more.

And God bless the heartache,
And God bless the strife,
God bless the little child,
Holdin' onto his life.

She collapses on the curb,
Her head in her hands,
She simply can't meet,
What this world demands.

And the rain fallin' down,
Matches the tears in her eyes,
Her heart lingers on,
Those unsaid goodbyes.

And through those cracked lips,
Comes a low, mournful cry,
Just a little girl singin',
And waitin' to die.

Oh, God bless the mother,
And God bless her son,
God bless the laughter,
And God bless the fun.

Yeah, let God bless the heartache,
And God bless the strife,
God bless the little child,
Holdin' onto his life.

'Cause in every last person,
In every last place,
There's a yearning, a need,
For the light from His face.

A rising call,
A steadying cheer,
Rings above the rest,
For us all to hear.

And it says:
God bless the heartache,
And God bless the strife,
God bless the little child,
Holdin' onto his life.

And God bless that girl,
As she takes her last breath,
And as she admits,
She wanted this death.

But in the back of her mind,
There's one thought that be:
"God blessed the whole world,
And everyone, everyone...but me."

I don't get it. What boy? What happened to the man? What happened in the beginning?

Maybe you could explain it more.

Besides that it is great.

YAY! Jocelyn, I love it!
I'm not exactly sure what changes you made, but it's awesome!

You should totally turn that one in.

I like your chorus, and the ending is really intense, which makes it great.

Thanks, guys.
That's not very helpful, but thanks.

Wait, is this even a ballad?

I think so. Maybe. Yes, I think it is. It's a story. About a girl.

Joey was right about the little boy holdin on to his life...where does he fit in this story? I'm not quite sure about his placement. Try to make a distinction, or change it a lil to make more of a connection.

Otherwise, stunning. As always.

Love the chorus, love the verses, i can't wait to hear the melody.

-clue.

I THINK THAT WAS FINE NOT THAT BAAD AND NOT THAT GOOD EITHER BUT STILL YOU CAN KEEP IT UP AND KEEP TRYING VERY GOOD TRY NO DOUBT KEEP TRYING AND GOOD LUCK!

Asha, watch the caps in reviews, please .

Thanks, Mary.
And...um. Thanks, Asha. Nice...enthusiasm?