The Heart ache

I love the way you look at me,
and the way your eyes always find mine.
I love the way I fit in your arms,
and the way our hands inter-twine.
I love the way you tease me,
and the funny things you say.
I love the way you make me happy,
and how you make all the bad feelings go away.
But sadly I know,
that it will soon come to an end.
Because I know what you did with her,
and my heart is too broken for you to mend.
So now I must wait,
for another to come along.
To fix and make right,
of all the things that you made wrong.
Then just as I think I’ve found myself,
it will fall apart again.
The heart ache, the torture, the fear,
I pray that it will soon come to an end.

Hey there, Baileyboo! Welcome aboard to YWS! How you doin'? Kat's here for a review!

So, on to it!

I liked this, it's good. The rhyme scheme is perfect, thought the flow is a bit messy at some places.
I'm not sure what inter-twine means, so I'll not comment on that. I can't give you much advise. This poem is good, but it doesn't has that something that make sit awesome!
The end is a bit confusing.
I'm really sorry that I won't be much of a help.
Hope someone gives you a better review!

*Kat*

P.S: PM me if you need anything!

awwwww! That was so cute! There's nothing I'd like you to change, though I would suggest that you take the comma off the 13th line, it feels a little awkward. Hope I helped!

Keep writing!

God Bless!

that was cute and kind of sad. Did this really happen to you? If so I hope your heart has or is healing.

Yes, this is good.

I really like

'and my heart is too broken for you to mend.'

However, the poem is too predictable. It gives too much away. I think you could make this poem more accessible to the reader if you hid more between the lines. Otherwise, the emotions are just too obvious, almost like a cliché.

Try using more imagery that draws attention, and avoid overusing 'I'- to make it sound less like a narrative. Find a way into the heart of the poem, but don't just shoot to each separate point. Take a stroll among your emotions; don't run from one to the other.

I hope you find my comment helpful.

Nathan.

Intertwine is one word right? :)

I love the way you look at me,
and the way your eyes always find mine.
I love the way I fit in your arms,
and the way our hands inter-twine.

I love it so much, you know it could be a song.

I love how the poem rhymes and how drastic love could be.

This is bittersweet, and i love the idea.

So now I must wait,
for another to come along.
To fix and make right,
of all the things that you made wrong.

keep up the good work, okay?

Love hurts, big time.

xoxo,

threm.

this is really good - i could picture everything in my head
and it really makes you think <3
good job

aw he, bailey, iloveyou
this is soo sad, and it's so good.
it really makes you think, ALOT.
The words fit perfectly, and your such a good poet !
keep writing stuff like this.
and don't worry, you'll find someone for you <3
im here and so are kira and jamie

Awe ! Bailey !
i love your poetry, i seriously do.
there's nothing edit about this poem.
cause it's just plain perfect, and there couldn't possibly be anything else
for me to say other than this is amazing <3

keep up the great work bailey boo .

-marshmellow-warrior-

Hey there!

Ok, so, i really love this!

It's cute, it flows fine, it rhymes (yay!) and it's not too cliched.

I would think about splitting it into stanzas, but then i just like that kind of thing and it's great like it is.

Sorry I can't be too much help, but seriously, i liked it!

Aqua X