Shadows

Message from author: just the preface to the my story that I'm working on and still working on. But anywho hope you like it and any reviews are more than welcome

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I felt like I was trapped in one of those really boisterous, scary movies. The one where the victim would be running in the opposite direction of his murderer. With fresh bleeding scars along his face and slovenly knife marks endless down his body.
There was only one difference between this apprehensive victim and I. This victim had a murderer, I was already murdered. Murdered inside but with my brain still progressing thoughts a million miles an hour and blood still running through my veins.
After such a troubled past and it only gets more unbearable to live as the days progress, but I couldn't help but to admit that this is what I wanted.
I knew that no matter what was to come after this, I would be happy and although from my past I knew he was the one that I wanted. He was the one that I couldn't live without.
That was what I had decided and I was going to stick with my decision no matter what the cost. So as I took my first step out the front door and into the pouring rain, I kept held of my decision and started to run after the body of my shadow.

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Hi, Marnie! I'm going to review your story now....

The one where the victim would be running in the opposite direction of his murderer. With fresh bleeding scars along his face and slovenly knife marks endless down his body.

I think you could connect these sentences. It might seem long, but here's my suggestion: The type where the victim would be running in the opposite direction of his murderer with fresh, bleeding scars along his face and slovenly knife marks running endlessly down his body. Or else change the beginning of the second sentence. The "With," sounds like it would be connected to another sentence.

I knew that no matter what was to come after this, I would be happy and although from my past I knew he was the one that I wanted.

The bold part confused me a little. Maybe, you could reword it like this: I would be happy, and based on my past, I knew he was the one I wanted.

So, this was a good start to this story and I'm wondering where you will go with it. Keep it up!

very good i liked it

The first part of the first chapter; Something New.
Once again, and comments/reviews are more then welcome. Hope everyone likes it

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SOMETHING NEW

I can't open my eyes. They are glued shut. The only thing I can see is the black scenery and a bright light coming from one corner.
I found myself slowly making my way toward where I was certain that I didn't want to go. There was nothing around me, just black.
I was standing in front of a white wooden door, reaching for the handle as I tried to set my mind to move back a step. It never worked. Every time I felt that I was getting somewhere, my muscles in my legs would feel as though they were melting. I gave up and within a third of a second I would have my hand curled around the door handle and walking into whatever was on the other side if this wooden door.
The bright light dimmed as I pulled the door open slower then I ever thought possible. My foot moved an inch while the bright light blinded my eyes.
I stood there, motionless, as I stared out into nothing but a light with my hand still tight around the door handle.
Suddenly there was a familiar sound. There wasn't anyone speaking, or rather it didn't even sound like anyone was there at all. I wished so much as this point that I could just close the door and walk back the way I came but my body had a different idea: just stand there and wait to be killed.
I listened as the sound got closer.
It was the sound my mother used to make when she walked.
At response, my foot moved froward and my hand left the handle.
. 2 .
SHADOWS

The sound stopped.
“That's it,” a husky yet most graceful of all voices called out from the darkness. “Come in. Come closer.”
It was my mother.
Her face appeared a few feet in front of me. She hadn't changed much since she died. I wasn't expecting her to be quite so much a like. She still had her perfect dark brown hair with waves at the tips of each strand. I remember how she always pulled hair over her left shoulder so it covered her ear. Her eyes were the same brown colour as I remembered.
Mum flashed a smile at me once I felt myself walk slowly forward. If I really was going to die, I hope my mother wasn't the one delivering it. That would suck!
I reached out to touch her but she moved back. What was wrong? I thought that she wanted me to come closer. She was leaning forward so close but she stopped me from touching her.
I wanted to say something but nothing came.
We did not speak to one another but she reached out to stroke my cheek, just like she used to do when she was alive.
I sighed a peaceful sigh but then she removed her had and I couldn't see anything but my mum -with a rope tightly around her neck, hanging from the ceiling of my parents bedroom. Her feet were swaying lightly over the small chair placed in the middle of the room. Her head was bent over, and her hair had moved to the sides so I could see the knot in the rope.

I opened my mouth to scream but all I heard was the sound of the morning radio. I closed my mouth and reopened it to try again but the radio was still going.
The image of my mothers hanging dead body slowly faded as I moved my right leg a little and opened my eyes. The radio was still going so I pulled my arm from under the blankets and reached out to hit the snooze button. I didn't feel like getting up and going to school after that.
Everyone knew what happened to my mother. It was a while back now: when- I was fourteen. I'm sixteen.
“Come on Makayla,” my brother, Nicholas, called out from the other side of my bedroom door. “Get up!” he yelled.
“I am up.”
I pulled all of my blankets off my deadweight body and lifted my legs up from the bed.
It took me a while to fully awaken myself from the nightmare. The thought of my mothers dead body hanging from the ceiling sent a chill down my spine. How could my own mother do something like that? Didn't she care for her family at all? Didn't she care about me at all? My own mother. Gone and left her only daughter to fend herself. Left her only daughter with an older brother who had no idea what he was on about half the time. A twin brother that had no brain at all and a father who didn't care anymore. Didn't care about me anymore.
I shook my head in disapproval and stormed out of my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, Kayla,” Steven chuckled as he stopped just in front of my bedroom.
“Shut up Steven,” I snapped at him and headed to the linen cupboard.
I grabbed a towel and shut the door with more force than intended.
Nicholas came out of the bathroom just in time. He didn't really look like me. He had dark brown with grey eyes. We were twins but we were certainly not identical.
Steven on the other hand looked a lot more like Dad. He had short brown hair but his eyes were brown instead of hazel like our Dad's. We all had tanned skin so we at least looked related in one way.
I ran the hot water in the shower. When the temperature was right, I slowly made my way in.
I washed my hair with my favorite berry shampoo and let my hair slowly drain.
I hated sharing a bathroom with two guys. They make possums eating out of trash cans look like royalty.
I searched for my hair brush through all of Nicholas' over the cold floor.
“Are you ready yet?” Steven called out from the end of the hall.
“No. I haven't even had breakfast.”
“No. I mean are you finished in the bathroom?” Steven's voice was closer now.
“Oh, yeah.”
Out of Steven and Nicholas I liked Steven better. Steven was more polite and friendly. Nicholas was more of a brother. He annoyed me like crazy. He embarrassed me in front of everyone and he is as dumb as ever.
I went back to my room.
Dad refused to sell the house after Mum died. He says that's want she would have wanted. Dad always says stuff like that and it's been two years. If it were up to me I would have sold the house. I don't know what it is but the house has never been the same since Dad came across mum hanging from their bedroom ceiling.
When I got to my room I pulled out my school dress and jumper and dressed myself then I got my school bag and started to pack my books for today.
My dad had just finished his breakfast when my toast finally popped up from the metal toaster.
If there was any kind of conversation between me and Dad it would only be small talk. Something had changed and it wasn't going to go away as fast as it has came.
Dad was already ready for work. He worked as my school football coach, so I saw him around a lot. Dad was in his blue tracksuit pants with the a strip down the side and his white t-shirt that had a little amount of print on it.
“Morning Maddie,” Dad greeted me.
Nicholas was also at the table, eating his breakfast. He always ate like a pig. That's other reason why I hated my mother for leaving: she left me with a group of diseased animals.
Dad was looking at me with a weird expression across his face.
“Morning,” I finally responded.
His expression relaxed. “Going to try out for the school football team, boys?”
The new season of football is starting next month and the school is always involved in it.
“Yeah!” my brothers answered.
My brothers were always in the football team.
“This season is going to be great. I have a pretty...”
-I trailed off as dad trailed on and on about this football session. I knew that I was out of the room in their minds when it came to football. It was like nothing else mattered. I thought of everything I could to drain out the conversation.
Today was Monday so the day would go horribly slow -Great. I thought.
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Hello, and thank you for the review! This was good, an interesting read. Just a few nitpicks though:

the black scenery

Is this because it’s at night? If not, then why you be seeing black scenery? The reader can’t get inside your head unless you open the door!

my muscles in my legs would feel as though they were melting.

This doesn’t sound like a particularly violent, or painful thing to have done to your legs, I don’t know if that was what you were going for, but I would have used something that sounded more emotive.

The bright light dimmed as I pulled the door open slower then I ever thought possible. My foot moved an inch while the bright light blinded my eyes.

In this section you use “bright light” twice, also it is rather awkwardly phrased.

There wasn't anyone speaking, or rather it didn't even sound like anyone was there at all. I wished so much as this point that I could just close the door and walk back the way I came but my body had a different idea: just stand there and wait to be killed.

This is good, but again, the phrasing isn’t great.

froward

Typo!

a husky yet most graceful of all voices called out from the darkness.

Doesn’t sound right to me, I would say something like
A husky voice, which somehow exuded grace, called out from the darkness.
Just a thought

I wasn't expecting her to be quite so much a like.

A like what?
I think you’re trying to say I wasn’t expecting her to be so like she was in life.

That would suck!

This ruins the sombre mood a little for me, you don’t sound serious.

I wanted to say something but nothing came.

I would say no words came.

I sighed a peaceful sigh

Just say I sighed peacefully.

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, Kayla,”

Question mark not comma.

There are more, but I don't want this to sound negative, because I really like it!

Also, you may want to break up the text more in this, it’s quite full on! Another thing, you are coming back to the whole nightmare thing right? It was a bit too “And it was all a dream” for me!

Okay, so there are some things you may want to change, but overall this was good! In parts I feel it’s a bit too jokey, but I like the storyline, an interesting way to begin, I don’t know whether it’s relevant yet, but I enjoyed reading this, my comments were mostly about typos and phrasing, but that doesn’t mean it was bad, I really did think this was excellent, there is plenty of scope for a sustainable plot. Just tell me the dreams will come back into it? I would feel happy if you did! PM me if you post anymore, I would be glad to review it!

Thank you for your time, and for posting this!

~ Roon