Heart Strings

2 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 3
Your smile fades into a frown
Her eyes are turned down
Lifes all going wrong tonight

Dreams have got you tossing and turning
You have mental photographs burning
In your mind
Now leave them all behind

I See the shadows on your skin
looks like it’ll win
and you cant see past the flaws

Breaking down and taking nothing to start
The sight you pulls the strings of my heart

I cant look at you
Without seeing through your eyes
Into your broken soul

Reaching out for help
Pushing it away
I cant watch you live like this
For another day

A snake is living in your spine
Intertwining all your actions
Your loss is causing all these
horrible reactions

And your…

Breaking down and taking nothing to start
The sight you pulls the strings of my heart

You cant go on
But There’s nothing wrong
With you

Your perfect
You’re a shining star
You could go oh so far

Just take my hand
Follow my lead
I’ll show you what we see
I’ll show you what you need.

Because your…
Breaking down and taking nothing to start
The sight you pulls the strings of my heart




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 6
These are OK lyrics. There seems to be a lot going on in the song though. Generally it's easy to distinguish the chorus but this time I just seemed as though you had new thoughts over and over and there was no real repetitive lyric that the song revolves around.

"Breaking down and taking nothing to start
The sight you pulls the strings of my heart"

This is probably meant to be the chorus but I feel you should add on to it, choruses are usually 3-6 lines long.

All in all it's pretty busy, but I think if you take out some of the lines and add a bit more to the chorus it has potential.
~Caleigh

"We sit and listen and are enthralled anew, for good stories, it seems, never lose their magic." - Libba Bray



Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday