The Bee and the Butterfly

The Bee told the Butterfly; "I will sting you
You always get in the way
Looking pretty everyday
you seem to have not one care
Though you have enemies everywhere
Everyone looks in awe at you
you seem to love it too
You flutter, fly and are small
You annoy me; I will sting you"

The Butterfly told the Bee; "I will ignore you
You say I annoy you
You tell me I have not a care
Just a pretty little thing in the air
That's not true
I am strong inside
To prove it to you; I will ignore you"

Hello dear

This is a nice little poem. =D What I want to know from you though is, do this mean something to you? Is this a subject you care about, or that has affected you in some way? Is there something deeper beyond the mere words that you're putting on paper?

There is something to be said for light poetry, or silly poetry. It can be funny, or refreshing, it still can be a good literary piece, it can be clever. Something important in poetry is making sure that your reader can relate to it. It may not be about something that happens to everybody, but there should be at least some element that people can understand, can relate to.

But above all, you have to care. If you're... indifferent to it, your reader can tell. And after all, if you don't care, why should your reader?

Now I'm not saying this is necessarily the case here, but with the subject you've chosen, it doesn't give us, your readers, a chance to feel very deeply about something. It stays with us while we're reading it, but it's very easy to forget.

Maybe your only intent is to entertain for a moment, and then let us move on. Distract us as we read, then let our attention go elsewhere.

If not, however, I would suggest that you find a subject, an idea, an event of some kind, some thought that you care very much about; that makes you feel raw and vulnerable. Every poem may not be like that, but picking something like that to write about is a very good experience and helps you write poems with more emotion in the future. Poems aren't made of emotion, but they should make us feel emotion. That's part of how you get, and keep, our attention. The rest is writing quality, of course. Coherency of ideas, fluency of rhythm, etc.

Your structure in this poem I don't find as important to scrutinize as the content.
I would just suggest, like I did in your last poem, that you step back from rhyming and see what you can accomplish when you don't have to try so hard to find words that rhyme.

If you have any questions, about your poem, the review, or anything, let me know! =D And, please don't take this the wrong way; I just think you still need to find how to find the right things to write about. =D
Good luck dear.

-Adna