life and mistakes.........

tell me if this sounds right to you........
you do the best you can but it never works.
you go somewhere new and you try to fit in but you only get burned.
i have been in the shoes of all this, but no-one tells me,
if i can or can't write. no-one tells me I'm not a christian.
no-one tells me I'm not.......me.
my life is my own and yours is your own so live it.
and never give up.
if you live to write write to your hearts content, and never let
them tell you, you can't.
we are all the authors of our one destiny.

you do the best you can but it never works.

you go somewhere new and you try to fit in but you only get burned. --> too long[i]
i have been in the shoes of all this, but no-one tells me,

if i can or can't write. no-one tells me I'm not a christian. ---> i don't get it.

no-one tells me I'm not.......me. --> i don't quite get it till here.

my life is my own and yours is your own so live it. --> this line kinda has a negative edge to it

and never give up.

if you live to write write to your hearts content, and never let

them tell you, you can't.

we are all the authors of our one destiny.

**i think its okay. I imagine this more as a song, actually but you know what -- no one can tell you if you can or can't write, you're right about that!!
yeah, we are all the authors of our one destiny.

1.) i think you should improve on the measures of your poem (i have the same problem!)
2.) and i don't quite get what you're trying to say, you're saying many things at once.
3,) improve on your choice of words and how you arrange them in the poem. i think your poem is about inspiring others, despite getting "burned" which means being laughed at and ridiculed? despite others telling you you're not good enough?


anyway, i think it's creative and unique! Continue writing. i'll be following your works!! **

This is unique poem, I like it.

But there is some things you should consider.

1) the poem goes of in strange places. For example:

i have been in the shoes of all this, but no-one tells me,
if i can or can't write. no-one tells me I'm not a christian.

"No one tells me I'm not a christian" is a little bit off the subject of writing. What are you getting at? I would suggest that you make "No one tells me I'm not a christian" another line altogether.

2) It has some negativity.

my life is my own and yours is your own so live it.

I would take out "Live with it" and just keep "my life is my own and yours is your own"

Then i would take out the and in "and never give up.

OR I would put in something like "That's just the way life is"

we are all the authors of our one destiny.

I love the last line!

Overall, this is a very well written poem!

Hya!:)



I'm gonna help you here. I realized that your new. I'm too at the time. One thing I know about poems is that you need to capitalize each line. You also need brake your poem in to sections. At least four line per section. And you also need short lines in each section. Like this:



[T]ell me if this sounds right to you[,]

[Y]ou do the best you can but it never works.

[Y]ou go somewhere new and you try to fit in,

[B]ut you only get burned.



That would be the first section. I put the edited things in the []. I also realized you put '......' on the first line. You should always put a ; or , . Another thing that I had saw was that you didn't capitalize a few things like 'I' speaking for your self. If you folow these steps, your poem will be perfect! Never give up!

Hya!:)



I'm gonna help you here. I realized that your new. I'm too at the time. One thing I know about poems is that you need to capitalize each line. You also need brake your poem in to sections. At least four line per section. And you also need short lines in each section. Like this:



[T]ell me if this sounds right to you[,]

[Y]ou do the best you can but it never works.

[Y]ou go somewhere new and you try to fit in,

[B]ut you only get burned.



That would be the first section. I put the edited things in the []. I also realized you put '......' on the first line. You should always put a ; or , . Another thing that I had saw was that you didn't capitalize a few things like 'I' speaking for your self. If you folow these steps, your poem will be perfect! Never give up!

Hiya!:)



I'm gonna help you here. I realized that your new. I'm too at the time. One thing I know about poems is that you need to capitalize each line. You also need brake your poem in to sections. At least four line per section. And you also need short lines in each section. Like this:



[T]ell me if this sounds right to you[,]

[Y]ou do the best you can but it never works.

[Y]ou go somewhere new and you try to fit in,

[B]ut you only get burned.



That would be the first section. I put the edited things in the []. I also realized you put '......' on the first line. You should always put a ; or , . Another thing that I had saw was that you didn't capitalize a few things like 'I' speaking for your self. If you follow these steps, your poem will be perfect! Never give up!