sarah

There’s a girl who sits in the corner,

Grieving of her father’s death

No one bothers to cheer her up,

They are too busy having fun.



No one knows how it feels,

To lose somebody you love.

She can’t help but to shed a tear,

As she misses him very much.



If only someone would care,

And change her feelings on life.

She feels her life is at its end,

But it’s really only just begun.

defendthelegend wrote:There’s a girl who sits in the corner,
Grieving of her father’s deathPERIOD
No one bothers to cheer her up,
They are too busy having fun.

This stanza is boring. Actually, the last verse ruined everything good in it. You created an atmosphere of something slow, full with sorrow, and then BOOM!-"having fun, yay!" in the last verse.

defendthelegend wrote:No one knows how it feels,
To lose somebody you love.
She can’t help but to shed a tear,
As she misses him very much.

I have a suggestion: This poem would be so much better if you put some rhyme. The rhythm is good, but would be even better with rhyming.

defendthelegend wrote:If only someone would care,
And change her feelings on life.
She feels her life is at its end,
But it’s really only just begun.

Wonderful!
I think you really have that "something" what it takes to be a poet, non clichéd one and without writing about some crappy, boring, emo stuff.

This is not emo.!!!!
I wrote this when my Granddad died.

Meaning I was upset, there fore I am not an emo.


But I can't tell whether it is sarcasm or not, but if it is, I think I will not listen to it, because I try on everything I do.