Confessions of a Clown

It started in fifth grade. I desparetley wanted to make friends, but was much to shy to talk to people. So I started to pull insane stunts in the lunchroom. Within a week I was at the popular table. They just ignored me the whole time until Amanda said "Do something funny" I would then do something really gross with my food. In fifth grade this was fine, but then in sixth grade they would say "Do Something funny" and after tell everybody what an immature freak I was. I was the center of attention for a couple minutes, but I was still friendless. I made "school friends" but rarely left the house. Seventh grade I went to a new school . I did the same things but this past school year I acted super insane to shock people and to make them laugh. I attained tons of "friends" to talk to between classes, but they didn't know the real me. They thought I was just some immature psycho who needed to be institutionalized.

I think that maybe it has to do with my home life. My big brother makes fun of me all the time, and my little seven year old sister treats me as her slave and hits me all the time (and i never hit her back) We have a lot of money problems and my mom has Multiple Sclerosis, and it cheated me out of my childhood. And when I was in third grade there was this one pill my mom had to take that made her go insane. She would say the most hurtful things to me like "your my least favorite child" and "Why can't you be normal" and "I only have to love you till your 18" I was depressed from the end of third grade until we moved in fifth grade. I cried myself to sleep everynight and thought about suicide at 9 years old. She only took that pill for a couple months, and I know that it wasn't my mom talking, but I still feel the pain of those words to this day. right now she is in so much pain that she wants to die. And she had a really awful past. And being a mother she says was the one thing she was supposed to be good at.

This year I "made friends" who ended up hurting me in the end. I went through so much this year that by June I was emotionally exhausted. I didnt turn any work in and got F's on my report card. I am not being held back but I learned my lesson. I cut myself for a bit.

And I always feel that my parents and brother prefer my little sister over me. When I was 6 and she was a baby, we were alone in a room sharing a lollipop. She pulled her head back and choked to near death but was revived. We believe that my mom got sick because of that. And there were a bunch of near death expieriences for my sister, and I understand that when that happens, a parent feels different about the child. I will always feel sad about that.

Thinking back, every thing that happened to me so far happened for a reason. I went through a bunch of unpleasant feelings, but I wouldnt want to change the past. Things happen for a reason. This year, I am going to be my true self, and reach my fullest academically. I have built up my self esteem and self confidence, and I am going to have an awesome 8th grade year! I just needed to come clean!

Whether this is a real life experience or a made up story, it is a good, tense piece of writing and other people who are in a similar situation can relate to the problems the boy did.

However the part you wrote about saying 'my little seven year old sister treats me as her slave and hits me all the time', personally i thought this was a bit extreme but i can understand where you are coming from. Perhaps just keep the part about the brother making fun.

Also the punctuation lacks quite badly in some parts of this story. For example - (and i never hit her back) We have a lot of money problems and my mom has Multiple Sclerosis - This needs editing. Another example could be the repetition of the line 'Things happen for a reason' in the last paragraph.

I really do admire the title of the piece of writing, 'Confessions of a Clown' relating to the boy who had to be the center of attention pulling off stunts to fit into a crowd.

A few adjustments and maybe more ideas could improve this. I give credit to you because i could really feel what you were writing about.

Proud of you!

Hey there, I'm sorry things are so hard. PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Here is an example of editing that needs to be done:

It started in fifth grade. I desperately wanted to make friends, but was much too shy to talk to people. So, I started to pull insane stunts in the lunchroom. Within a week, I was at the popular table. They just ignored me the whole time until Amanda said "Do something funny." I would then do something really gross with my food. In fifth grade this was fine, but then in sixth grade they would say "Do something funny" and after I did, they would tell everybody what an immature freak I was. I was the center of attention for a couple minutes, but I was still friendless. I made "school friends" but rarely left the house. In seventh grade, I went to a new school . I did the same things but this past school year I acted super insane to shock people and to make them laugh. I attained tons of "friends" to talk to between classes, but they didn't know the real me. They thought I was just some immature psycho who needed to be institutionalized.

I think that maybe it has to do with my home life. My big brother makes fun of me all the time, and my little seven year old sister treats me as her slave and hits me all the time; I would never hit her back. We have a lot of money problems and my mom has Multiple Sclerosis, and it cheated me out of my childhood. And when I was in third grade there was this one pill my mom had to take that made her go insane. She would say the most hurtful things to me like "You’re my least favorite child" and "Why can't you be normal" and "I only have to love you till you’re 18" I was depressed from the end of third grade until we moved in fifth grade. I cried myself to sleep every night and thought about suicide at nine years old. She only took that pill for a couple months, and I know that it wasn't my mom talking, but I still feel the pain of those words to this day. Right now, she is in so much pain that she wants to die. And she had a really awful past. And being a mother she says was the one thing she was supposed to be good at.