Lilac's eyes (chapter eight) Part two

Sorry, I've been getting MAJOR writer's block, each paragraph has been a huge struggle but this is basically the build up to a major chapter 9. Look forward to it and please reviews!


Part 2

“She just wanted to look around her old home, is that so bad?” I was becoming frustrated, Matt just didn't seem to get it.
“You should have known better, have you seen some of the protesters, what they would have done to her if they'd caught her? She's Aryan Alex. She is breaking the law to be with you and you're shaming your family, your friends to be with her.” Since when was he serious about anything, let alone my love life? Since when did he care about what reckless moves I made, my masochism never seemed to bother him before, but suddenly it was a big deal.
“You think this is some teenage rebellion? You think I don't know the risks involved? Or are you just ashamed of me?” I straightened myself up, attempting a menacing posture. “I ... feel strongly about her.” Matt's face brightened in response.
“Were you about to say what I think you were about to say? You're more messed up than I thought. You ... love her.” My cheeks blazed as he flaunted the obvious truth in my face, as if it were a bad thing. “You actually love her.” The way he said it made it sound so dirty and wrong.
“I've hit you before and I'll hit you again.” My voice gained a genuine growl. He went quiet. “Maybe I do, I don't know... but the point is I'm not going to loose her to some long gone dictator's messed up views and some huffy ursines.” I spoke the word ursine with distance, purposefully separating myself from my race. I would never be like them, those illogical protesters whose idea of free thinking is no more than their knowledge of the people they are fighting against.
“Alex, you need to understand, those huffy ursines may have a valid point. Just because there is one nice Aryan in a thousand it doesn't mean that should make up for the other...” He attempted the Maths, ruining his point in the process.
“How are you suppose to make a huge decision, one that politicians have been fighting over for years, if you can't even work out the answer to a simple sum? Don't you get it, I care more about this one Aryan than I do the entire Ursine population?” He shook his head, brown hair swinging against his cheeks.
“I'm going to go now, because I like having you as a friend, but right now you are being an idiot.” The door slammed behind him.
Everything seemed to always be going wrong. I was finally back with Lilac and what, my best friend was already trying to drag me away from her? I flicked a mahogany strand, a constant reminder of my race, from in front of my eyes. I needed to leave, not permanently, just walk, go somewhere, anywhere that people didn't know me. For a few hours I needed to believe that my life was not going to end up as perpetual torment. My breathing quickened as I slung on a coat, my palms sweat as I fumbled for my keys, my lips let out a scowl as I shut the door behind me.

You wrote Matt instead of Alex at the beginning. Other than that, change the ending to something with a more... rememberable sound to it. You can totally tell this is building up to something. I just want to make one thing clear, as of the moment, if you keep writing the way you write, I will never grow tired of Lilac's eyes. It takes a lot to make up a world. It takes a whole lot more to create an interesting one. And the way you write. And your characters. These combined make me want to keep reading. Anyone who stops looses big time.
PM me if you need anything. By the way, I was so looking forward to Matt's reaction to the paintings. Mind adding that in a flash back or something? Well, right now the tension is building. The storm is in the air, I can feel it. Write more!!! I can't wait!!!
ofir

Hey Arghhh I hate writers block! Poor you This part is still well written though so well done for fighting it

You should have known better, have you seen some of the protesters, what they would have done to her if they'd caught her?

I think you could phrase this a bit better as it came across kind of awkwardly to me, maybe changing the last part to something like 'do you know what some of the protesters would have done to her if they'd caught her?'.

Since when did he care about what reckless moves I made,

To fit in with how you wrote this before, I'd maybe change the comma on the end here to a question mark

Matt's face brightened.

I don't know if 'brightened' is the best word to use here as even though they are having an argument I still don't think he would be happy about this just to prove his friend wrong- maybe instead wearing an expression of disgust or grimacing would be more accurate to show his distaste for the feeling his friend has?

those illogical protesters whose idea of free thinking is no more than their knowledge of the people they are fighting against.

When I read this it sounded a bit odd but I understood what you meant, I'm just thinking maybe it could be phrased a little better. Perhaps if you changed 'idea' to something like 'grasp' it would make more sense?

He attempted the Maths, ruining his point in the process.

Instead of 'attempted' I'd maybe say he failed to show that he couldn't do the maths, and I'm not sure if this ruins his point- maybe just makes it have less of an impact. You could maybe comment on how it ruined the strength of his point instead?

How are you suppose to make a huge decision,

'suppose' needs a 'd' on the end here I think

Don't you get it, I care more about this one Aryan than I do the entire Ursine population?

I'd maybe have a question mark after 'get it' instead of a comma and a full stop after population as the 'don't you get it' part is the question part and the second part the statement.

He shook his head, brown hair swinging against his cheeks.

I think you could maybe use a better word here than 'swinging'- perhaps 'brushing' or 'grazing'?

my palms sweat as I fumbled for my keys, my lips let out a scowl as I shut the door behind me.

I think 'sweat' might be better as 'sweating' here and I don't know about his lips letting out a scowl- I'd either change it to something about them letting out a growl or a sound like that or say that they bent down into a scowl or frown.

Overall: I think this piece got across the conflict between the two friends really well and the trouble they have with accepting each others opinions- I think you are also managing to show how Matt has such an opinion on the matter too. I'm interested in where this is going!

From the last part of this chapter there has been a bit of a jump in scenes and I think it was just a bit too abrupt so I'd maybe add more of a lead up to it to show how they got into this conversation and came to be in his flat. I've noticed that sometimes you do jump a bit and I'd try and make the movement between scenes as smooth as possible so the story flows well I think you do show their actions throughout the argument really well and I got quite a good image of them as they spoke, although perhaps a bit more on how their voices rise and fall would be good as well. I also think that when Matt leaves you could describe a bit more of his exit, even if it is just a few words to show how he stomped towards the door before it slammed behind him.

I can't see anything else I think could be improved on, your writing is still great! Hope I've helped and all my comments are just suggestions! *Star*