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Chapter 7- The truth
"Miss." The nurse's gentle voice helped subdue my sobs. "Miss, I already told you: he's going to be fine. It's just a broken arm. He's asleep." I nodded, still unable to speak.
Jared was asleep on the hospital bed next to my chair, a deep rosy cut on his cheek, and his left arm in a white cast. The machine next to him beeped along with his heart, in a nice, steady rhythm. His black hair covered his forehead in a mess that was familiar to me, yet still new. How had I let things go this way?
The nurse touched my shoulder in what I suppose she thought was a comforting act. She was elderly, her hair that was once brown colored a homey grey color, her eyes, hidden behind a pair of thick glasses, were frighteningly blue. Just like a fairy-godmother would look like. "You he's girlfriend, right?" she asked in a friendly tone. I didn't even take the time to think about it.
"Yes!" I said, and the tears that hadn't stopped falling from my eyes since the moment I knew glistened as they fell, but I didn't mind at all. Jared's heart wasn't so steady now; the beeping grew faster. My hand fluttered uselessly at his direction before I let it drop. There wasn't much I could do for him.
He opened his eyes to a crack. "I thought I heard your voice," he whispered, his voice scratchy.
I smiled a wet smile, beaming at him. "I love you," I said at the same time he said "I'm sorry!"
We both bit back a laugh, only it seemed like it hurt him. His face twisted in pain and the nurse got up from my side. "I'll be back with your medication," she said with a smile.
I took in a deep breath: I hadn't been able to really breathe all this time, but at the sight of Jared's green, bright eyes, it all went away. All the bad feelings disappeared, all the loneliness and pain simply vanished. Waves of relief and worry, and warmth passed through me as I looked at his eyes. We were pushed off track, that was true. But I loved him. That knowledge echoed in my mind along with… determination? About what?
"Something went wrong with us," I whispered, my maple curls hiding my eyes. "But I can fix it. I love you, and I'm never going to give up." I didn't know why I was saying it at first. Give up? Fix what?
But Jared understood. He nodded very carefully, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. I think I forgot to tell him how much I loved him out loud, how much I care for him, I realized. Maybe that's why he didn't fight back at that time.
The room's door smashed open. "Jared! Merry! Oh, thank heavens you're alright!" Kelly rushed in, her light brown hair pulled back in a messy bundle, the clear blue-green surface of her eyes covered in tears, like mine.
Kelly is my best friend, said a little voice in the back of my head, a bit resigned. That's that. I love her too. Nothing's ever going to change that. I almost lost everything this time. I flung my arms around her neck. "Kelly!" I sobbed into her shoulder. Kelly hugged me tightly back.
"I'm sorry," she said softly in my ear.
"No, it was completely my fault! I'm so sorry, Kelly!" I pulled away so I could wipe the tears. Kelly smiled at me. We were connected, I was sure of it. Soul mates seemed like a funny word for it, but I couldn't explain it otherwise. I cared about the two of them so much. In different ways, but I still cared. No doubt about it.
Jared chuckled lightly before stopping abruptly. "Everything hurts!" he complained in a moan. At least he could still grouch.
Kelly and I laughed before she dashed to his side. "What were you thinking?" She smacked his head heatedly. I flinched, expecting it to hurt. Jared winced too, but pulled his expression together quickly.
He smiled broadly. "I wasn't." He sent me a short, understanding look and our eyes met. I knew what he talked about: I couldn't really think all this time either. Or breathe. But that was over now, because we were together. The warmth that knowledge spread through me was unfathomable.
The door opened less abruptly this time, but both Kelly and I jumped. "Here are your pills," the nurse said. Jared swallowed them without any complains. He was seriously in pain, huh? The nurse clicked her tongue as she saw Jared swallow. "You were lucky. I haven't seen a car-crash like that in two years now." Still clicking her tongue disapprovingly, she walked away. Jared was lucky. And so was I.
"Didn't you think about what happened to my best friend if you died?" Kelly demanded in a sour tone. Jared nodded slowly, is mouth forming to a grimace. What did he think my reaction would be?
"I'm going to get coffee," I said, standing straight, offering Kelly the chair.
She rubbed her eyes, soothed now that she saw we were alright. "Thanks. I am really tired."
I smiled.
***
The hallway, like everything else, was colored a bleached white, clean and cunning. The shapes of passing people swirled past me until none of them made any sense.
Jared was fine and he still loved me. That was enough for an eternity.
One figure stood out from the rest, and I recognized the golden hair and the hazel-honey eyes that now seemed angry, filled with… hate? Why?
"Why are you here?" I couldn't control my expression, and I didn't know what he was seeing.
Jessie scowled at me. "Couldn't you just leave things alone?" he barked. For some reason, the heads of the bystanders' didn't snap back at the loud sound, they just looked forward, almost as if they couldn't see us. "You had to mess everything up!" Jessie's hands were clenched. I'd never seen Jessie angry before.
It felt like some thin line my mind was balancing on got cut in that second. He was that angry at me. What had I done? Leave things alone? What was he talking about?
"I… I…" I stammered.
Jessie's expression softened, but there was a new edge to his voice. "I don't know what's happening here," he admitted in a whisper. "I never knew… I don't think there are rules for this case…"
Rules? I took a staggering step back.
Jessie cast his eyes down. "I don't want to hurt you," he said grudgingly through gritted teeth. It looked like it pained him to say that.
Go back to Jared, my brain commended. I had a feeling something critical was on the line here. I didn't budge a step. "But you never hurt me," I said in a weak voice. "You're always there, helping me, like…" I tried to think for a term for it.
"Like a guardian angel, right?" Jessie's tone was bitter. I nodded mutely. That was exactly it. "But, if there's a guardian angel, then there has to be an opposite." His hazel-honey eyes seemed desperate. "You humans just haven't figured it out yet."
I shook my head. "You are my guardian angel, what are you talking about? You humans?" He wasn't making any sense.
"The opposite of a guardian angel, Em. Think it through." He waited patiently as my eyes widened and my thoughts scrambled through my head, none of them making any sense.
The opposite of a guardian angel would be… a demon, right? But that… just didn't… make any sense. I felt sick to my stomach.
"Who are you Jessie?" I breathed. Always being there, always understanding, everything always falling apart just when he was there. I thought he had been what pulled me back up. Wrong. He had been what was pushing me down in the first place.
Unconsciousness tried to grab my mind, to force everything to calm down and make sense. I didn't let it. I waited with wary eyes until Jessie looked up. He took a hesitant step forward.
"We're connected, Merry," he repeated my thoughts from earlier, his gentle hand, the one that fit so perfectly into mine, extending toward me, as if wishing to touch me. "The stars say that. We can't run away from it any longer."
I took another step back, moving out of instinct. It was the first time I didn't want Jessie as close as possible to me. I wanted to push him away. I wanted the strange hazel-honey eyes to stop boring into mine, I wanted him to go away and never come back, yet at the same time… I felt pain at the thought of him ever leaving.
"Go to hell…" I said softly, jerking away from his outstretched hand, defying the following I knew would come. I didn't want to go. Not yet.
"Where exactly do you think I came from?" he snapped at me, his eyes fervent and his cheeks colored a faint, angry red.
Oh.
The dream. The understanding. The feeling I felt fighting through my chest, beating away everything I had known about myself, my relationship with Jared, my friends. There had to be some other logical explanation. With horror, I realized there wasn't.
"What are we going to do now?" I asked in a low voice.
Jessie's mouth curled into one of his unbelievable smiles. "We're going to run away," he said slowly, pleased that I had come to terms with it. I didn't even question the fact that we were going to do something. I would go with him to wherever he needed me. He was the one thing I couldn't be with out. Not anymore.
"So...We're running away from… Satan?" I asked, the question feeling twisted and irrelevant on my lips. Jessie shook his head.
"Satan's all about breaking the rules, remember?" he enthused.
I nodded slowly. "So… we're running away from… God?" I asked, this question making a little more sense.
"No," Jessie shook his head, relieved, his golden hair sparkling in the white lights of the infirmary. "Just from his messengers."
I smiled weakly.
"Besides," he continued, taking my hand. My heart hammered at his touch, just like always, and my fingers entwined in his automatically. "I think god is for true love."
