Round Like The Moon (2)

Chapter 2: Missing page

My head hurts and every other single inch of my body; my legs even seem to feel like they’ve been knocked off. To top it all I felt like a sumo had sit on me.
I knew that I had to wake up. But all I wanted to do was just keep sleeping. I rolled over just a bit, to my surprise I found the floor. It was hard and cold. Not exactly what my body would have wanted. Well what the heck I was awake now.
Well this was nice, a seventeen year old girl still falling off of her bed. I look down at myself to saw that I was wrap-up in a sheet, no bruises. I was wrap-up in a sheet. Oh God I did not. A little peek at the bed told me I did. Great! I had sex with a random stranger I don’t even know. How could I be so stupid! I can’t even criticize Emma now, because at least she knows who she sleeps with.
Part of me is screaming that I should just runaway, get my stuff and pretend that nothing ever happened. The contrary part of me is about to die if I don’t know who the guy is. I surely have all the right to know who I spend the night with.
I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, and taking one step at the time. Since clever me wanted to go with silence, silence decided not to go with me and I stepped on something and fell right on my butt. As if my body didn’t hurt already, dammit luck was not on my side. Right beside me on the floor were two empty bottles of tequila. No wonder I smell so bad.
I got up silently. I would have thought that the noise would wake him up, but no still sleeping. Which is good.
I was right in front of him now. My eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing, it was Connor. I had sex with him, any girls dream come true and I don’t remember. How cruel is that? Is there no justice in this world? Totally not fair!
“I slept with Connor!” I can’t believe it, this so makes me want to cry. “But I don’t remember it.” I feel like I want to throw myself off a bridge. That’ll make my day.
I started looking for my clothes. I found almost everything except my underwear… I found Connors boxers though… So let me think. Yeah! Those should do. I got dressed and out of the room in less than ten minutes.
I have to say the twins house is beautiful either clean or messy, like it was now. Total disaster, there were people past out in the floor, outside was even worse. There was garbage everywhere; the pool was the only thing that remained.
I tried to look for Emma but it was a complete waste of time. Emma was probably sleeping with Luigi, so I figure not to ruin her moment and just meet her at her house. I got some thinking to do of my own.

I got to Emma’s really quick. To my surprise Emma was already there, which was weird. Because I thought she would still be at the mansion. Emma didn’t even let me knock at the door, it was as if she was already there waiting for me. She grabbed my hand and led the way to her room almost running. She sat on her bed, her eyes bright with emotion. Even her curly brown hair seemed to be exited.
“So” she said smiling at me.
“So” I don’t get where she’s going. She raised her eyebrows, like I was missing something. Oh now I get it.
“How it go with Luigi?” Emma’s spirits suddenly went down. Ok. I guess it didn’t go that well. I bet he probably acted like a jerk or something. “What did he do?” Now Emma started laughing, it made me laugh too.
“The real question is what he didn’t do.” She said disappointed and kind of mad. “Gabe, he fell asleep. Can you believe it? Sleeping before sex.” She was laughing. “All those years of wasted dreaming for nothing.”
“I told you not to go with him.”
“I know, but he was drunk, not that much by the way. I was drunker than him.” She said it proudly.”
“What am I going to do with you?”
“Love me. Like always.”
“Don’t I always?”
“Yeah… About last night, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you alone.”
“Don’t worry. I had a nice time.” And just like that her eyes brighten again.
“You weren’t home last night.”
“That’s not a question”
“You’re not going to tell me?”
“Em, I got drunk.”
“For real”
“Yeah”
“That’s new. No guy took advantage of the situation?” I couldn’t hide anything from her, but I should.
“Maybe” Em seemed happy by my response. She straightened up a bit and looked really anxious.
“Was he cute?” It was Connor, Connor, and Connor, total hotness.
“Yes” I responded trying my best to sound calm and failing.
“Did you… You know?”
“I did” She opened her eyes really wide and started screaming like crazy.
“Oh my God! Who is he? You have to tell me everything.” This was the part I didn’t want to talk.
“Em I can’t”
“Why not?” She demanded me.
“Because I don’t remember.” Emma looked really confused. I feel awful not telling Emma that I slept with Connor the guy of my dreams, but lets face it If I didn’t remember, Why should he?
What happened last night was a blank page to me. A page that nobody bothered to find. Something maybe I shouldn’t remember and that should have not happened. Maybe it was better for me to forget and not tell Emma anything at all.

Hey Cynara,

Thanks for telling me about the new chapter! It's very good, just a couple things...

I look down at myself to saw that I was wrap-up in a sheet, no bruises. I was wrap-up in a sheet.

Okay so there's a little bit of a tense confusion going on here. I think it should be, I look down at myself to see that I was wrapped-up in a sheet, no bruises. I was wrapped-up in a sheet.

I had sex with a random stranger I don’t even know

this is kind of redundant, obviously your mc doesn't know him if he was a stranger

As if my body didn’t hurt already, dammit luck was not on my side.

I think this would work better as two sentences- period after already and capitalize "dammit" then put a comma after dammit

How cruel is that? Is there no justice in this world? Totally not fair!

No critique on this, I just liked the little banter, it adds to her personality

“I slept with Connor!” I can’t believe it, this so makes me want to cry. “But I don’t remember it.” I feel like I want to throw myself off a bridge.

I think you should add how the mc said these words. Did she whisper them? Scream from shock? Or were they in her head?

Total disaster, there were people past out in the floor, outside was even worse.

This is a teensy bit too conversational for me, maybe put It was a total disaster? It's just personal preference though

To my surprise Emma was already there, which was weird. Because I thought she would still be at the mansion.

Combine these two sentences with a comma before "because"

Even her curly brown hair seemed to be exited.

Little spelling error here, exited should be excited

“So” she said smiling at me.

“So” I don’t get where she’s going. She raised her eyebrows, like I was missing something. Oh now I get it.

Comma after both so's, and a comma after Oh

“For real”

Question mark after real

Overall: Good chapter! Loving it so far. PM me when the new segment is up!

~Dommy

Heya, that was fast! but I'm not complaining.

Right. Sorry if I sound a bit brisk, but I accidentally deleted my half-done review so now I'm retyping it, damn it! I don't even know what I pressed...

To top it all I felt like a sumo had sit on me.

Try "sat" rather than "sit"

I knew that I had to wake up. But all I wanted to do was just keep sleeping.

Make this into one sentence. ...wake up, but all...

Well what the heck I was awake now.
Well this was nice, a seventeen year old girl still falling off of her bed.

Maybe get rid of the first "well" and put a comma after "what the heck" and then put another comma after the second "well" But I like how you've slipped her age in Good.

I had sex with a random stranger I don’t even know.

Already covered by dommy65 ^^

The contrary part of me

Not sure about using "contrary" sounds a bit too composed when she's in a "omg! I had sex with a stranger!" moment. Maybe just "other part of me"

body didn’t hurt already, dammit luck was not on my side.

Separate into two sentences. ^^

but no still sleeping

You need some punctuation in this, but I'm not too sure which. ";" or ":" or maybe just a simple ","

what they were seeing, it was Connor.

Maybe put into two sentences to give more of an effect.

I had sex with him, any girls dream come true and I don’t remember

This confused me a little. Maybe: I had sex with him, any girl's dream come true, and I don't remember.

found Connors boxers

You need to make it "Connor's" 'cause the boxers belong to him. Can't believe she nicked his boxers though. What's poor Connor got? Her frilly nickers??

people past out in the floor

Ouch. They totally shouldn't have gone near that wet cement. I think you mean "on the floor" and "passed" rather than "past"

There was garbage everywhere; the pool was the only thing that remained.

Since they're quite different, I think you'd be better off separating these into different sentences. Maybe explain the carnage a little more.

“So” she said smiling at me.
“So” I don’t get where she’s going.

Punctuation!! Is she asking a question? Like "so?" or is it a prompt "So..." and I'd add a comma after "she said"

“The real question is what he didn’t do.” She said disappointed and kind of mad.

Speech tags! I always did that before someone pointed it out to me. It doesn't end with the dialogue. so.. Mmm, I'm not good at explaining them. Just.. it should be like this: “The real question is what he didn’t do,” she said, disappointed and kind of mad.

“All those years of wasted dreaming for nothing.”

Um, we get it's for nothing if she said wasted. "all those years of dreaming - and for nothing!"

She said it proudly.”

Probably just an "oops" moment, but you don't need the speech tag.

I shouldn’t have let you alone

Sounds strange, maybe "left" ?

“That’s not a question”

Full-stop at the end.

“For real”
“Yeah”

No punctuation!! "For real?" "Yeah."

“Maybe”

And here.

“Yes”

And here.

“I did”

And here.

“Em I can’t”

And here.

“Why not?” She demanded me.

"She demanded me" sounds really strange. Maybe you missed out the "of" but personally I think it would sound better without the "me" Plus, lower case "s" on the "she" because it's a speech tag

It was Connor, Connor, and Connor, total hotness.

Ha ha.

that I slept with Connor the guy of my dreams, but lets face it If I didn’t remember, Why should he?

Comma after Connor and an apostrophe in the "lets" because "let's" was originally the old fashioned "let us" Oh, and you don't need the capitalisation on the "why"

But that was another great chapter. Hooked I love how you are totally there with your character. You capture her feelings really well in simple snappy sentences. And I didn't accidentally delete my review again Uh oh. Jinxed.

PM me when you post the next one



~EmmaJane~

Hi Cynara. HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT SHOWN THIS TO ME???????
Anyways love love loved it. I think even more than the first storie. Seriously, its really good. Its catchy and you can see your personalitty as an author trough Gabe ( if that makes sense ). Keep writting.

Hey!! I'm loving the story so far. I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'm really anxious. Anyway, just a tip. In the part that you say the contrary part of me, I think you should say the other part. I just think that the contrary part sounds kind of weird, but that's my opinion. Other than that, it was good. Just be a little more descriptive. People thrive and feed off of details. I know what I just said sounds corny, but it's the truth. Now I'm off to read the third chapter!!!