Hello there! I haven't posted something in a while. Anyway, this is my most recent project and I'm looking for some good constructive criticism. This actually isn't the full first chapter, but I had to split it in half because it was too long. Anyway, here is the first part. Please let me know how I can make it better!
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Chapter One
I stare up at the blue-haired boy standing on the porch. He doesn’t look familiar at all, and most people who visit House I either know personally or have seen before. Blue-Haired Guy doesn’t fall into either of these categories. He’s looking down at me with a blank expression on his face, a short white stick hanging out between his closed lips. He’s moving it around too much that I can’t tell if it’s a cigarette or not.
“Well hey, kiddo,” he says around the white stick, his speech only slightly muddled. “Are there any adults here?”
Well there goes any chance we had at having a nice relationship. I glare at him.
“I am not a ‘kiddo,’” I retort.
He blinks.
“Right. You’re what, 9 or 10? You’re a big girl now?” he questions, though it sounds more like a practiced statement.
“I’m seventeen,” I say, straightening up and sticking out my chin in an effort to look my age. “And what are you, a person I have never seen before in my life, doing on this porch?”
As he looks me up and down once with dark brown eyes which are somehow cold, his expression doesn’t change and it takes a moment before he speaks.
“Is Lex Charrimore here?”
“Is he expecting you?” I frown as I say this. Lex didn’t say anything about a visitor today.
“Mm, no.” Blue-Haired Guy turns the white stick over in his mouth twice. “But I’ve something to show him.”
I study the guy for a moment. With the way he so rudely assumed my age based on my appearance I should bop him on the head and send him away. But, if Lex found out, which he probably would, he would scold me and I wouldn’t be allowed to have peanut butter cookies for a week. And we cannot have that. So, after another silent moment to build up the suspense even though Blue-Haired Guy doesn’t seem to be affected at all, I sigh.
“Fine, come on. Don’t touch anything.” I nod my head, signaling for him to come in. I step back to let him in, but instead of coming in right away, he let out a low whistle to something or someone near him. A boy maybe around my age with shaggy brown hair emerges, hands clasped behind his back, smiling sheepishly at me. I watch him as he enters the house with Blue-Haired Guy behind him. I shut the door. “This way.”
I lead the two boys out of the foyer and down the hall to the basement door, occasionally glancing back to make sure the boys aren’t trying anything. I stop when we get to the basement door and turn to face them, my eyes trained mostly on the cute brown-haired boy.
“We are about to go downstairs where Lex’s study is. Only certain people are allowed in. If either of you are just playing a joke or trying to steal something or… just up to anything bad, then…” I smirk. “Pray that Lex has mercy on you.” They stare at me. “As Lex’s second assistant, I’m required to say that to anyone besides House’s tenants.”
“Second assistant?” The boy with the brown hair speaks for the first time, his grey eyes wide. “You’re… a child.”
I nearly growl. Twice in one day?
“I am not a child. I am seventeen years old. Look!” I point to my chest. “I have boobs!”
The boy with the brown hair blushes and looks away. Blue-Haired Guy, however, examines my only-slightly-noticeable bust and raises an eyebrow.
“If you say so,” he says finally, looking past me at the basement door.
I shoot him an evil look that he doesn’t notice, and then open the door and lead the way down the dimly lit stairs. We have to walk through the lounge area in order to reach the study. No one is down here, as per usual for the morning hours, and I’m relieved. I don’t exactly feel like dealing with the others at the moment.
I open Lex’s office door without knocking. He is sitting at his desk, the only light coming from one dying floorlamp, and is busy writing something. I can tell it’s important by the way he is slouching down and holding his forehead like he has a headache. He jumps in his seat when I flick on the overhead light. He squints at us, lingering in the doorway.
“Div?” he questions as he runs a hand through his messy cinnamon-colored hair. “Who are these people?”
“I don’t know,” I answer before I can remind myself that that’s probably not the answer Lex wants to hear. “I-I mean… they said they have something important to show you.”
Lex watches warily as Blue-Haired Guy claps his hand on the other boy’s back and pushes him forward.
“My name is Tuesday,” Blue-Haired Guy says. “I happened to find this poor one at the Fountain Portal and was told to bring him to you. Many people around here know of your work with poor ones.”
Lex purses his lips and narrows his green eyes. “So they do. What is this boy’s name?”
“Uh-“ the other boy begins after Tuesday gives him a look. “My name is Rory. I’m from… I’m from Colorado and-“
“You’re wondering where you are?” Lex guesses.
Rory nods.
“Welcome to Dream,” Lex says, his tone anything but welcoming.
Recently I’ve noticed how different Lex greets newcomers from when he first greeted me. Of course, I arrived when I was young and there was probably some law about being nice to little kids, and most of the people who arrived now are older. But his greetings seem so cold. Lex is not a cold person in the slightest; in fact, he is the closest person I have to a father figure here. But anyone now who is meeting him for the first time would never guess that. And it makes me sad. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because he’s aging and is learning more about how to deal with poor ones. He was in his mid-twenties when I came here, having only recently started House. Now, in his thirties, it seems like the life is slowly being sucked out of him.
“Dream?” Rory echoes. “So you mean I’m dreaming?”
“No, no.” Lex sighs and laces his fingers together in front of his lips. “You are somewhere other than your world. An alternate world, if you will. Dream is a world that makes you feel as if you’re in a dream.”
“It’s like Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz,” I add in. Lex shoots me with a brief grin.
“Divinity is right,” he says. “It’s almost as if you’re in a storybook.”
“So… I’m not on Earth anymore?” Rory asks, his voice uneven. I wonder if he’s going to cry. People have done that before.
“Technically, you are, seeing as in this dimension it is the same planet. But if you mean are you in the same world as your friends and family, then no. This isn’t some place that you can just take a bus ride back home. Oh, no.” Lex smiles, showing perfect white teeth that, if you look close enough, emanate light. “If you want to return, it’s a much bigger deal than that.”
“Well what are my family and friends doing right now? You mean I’ve just disappeared from where I was before?” Rory’s voice is quivering with tears so I position myself near the end table in case I need to make a quick grab for the tissues.
“To your friends it’ll appear as if you just excused yourself to go somewhere else,” Lex explains.
“My parents? My sisters?” Rory presses.
“They’re not even thinking about you. It’s as if thoughts of you have been erased from their minds.” The way Lex puts it sounds so horrible. He certainly didn’t say it that way when I first came. He told me my parents were being assured that I was safe and would be away for a while. Until recently I haven’t given any thought to that, but after hearing what Lex tells others about their families, I sometimes wonder if my parents are ever thinking of me, their only daughter.
A sniffle comes from the doorway. I look up to see two tears running silently down Rory’s tan cheek. Nearly knocking over the end table with my swiftness, I grab the box of tissues and go to hand it to him. He doesn’t seem to notice me, however, and instead wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his black sweatshirt.
“So I’m gone? Gone from my home? I can’t go back?” His breathing is heavy.
“You can go back,” Lex says. “But it’ll take work.”
“I’ll do it,” Rory says without any hesitation at all, as if he didn’t even think about his answer before saying it. My mouth drops open as I stare at him.
Lex looks Rory over as if sizing him up. Finding myself feeling sorry for this boy in front of me, I almost reach out for him, but just as soon as the thought comes, I pin my arm to my side, wondering what in the world I was doing.
“That’s a big decision,” Lex says casually. “Are you sure about this?”
“Sure as I’ve ever been of anything in my life,” Rory replies. “I have a future back home. I have a family, I have friends, I have college applications to turn in, I have Calculus to pass, I have a girlfriend I’m planning on proposing to next summer, I have a dog to take to the vet… I can’t leave it all. I’m not going to throw away everything I’ve worked so hard to get.” His voice is hard, determined, sure, reminding me of the heroes in movies who make long speeches about goodness before defeating the villain. I then decide: I admire this boy. I admire his strong will and his scruples. I admire his strength to stop his tears.
“Well, then.” Lex grins again. “Looks like you’re going to have to go on a Pilgrimage.”
*
Lex sends me upstairs to show Tuesday out as he discusses the Pilgrimage with Rory. However, as soon as we reach the top of the stairs, Tuesday asks for some water.
“Water?” I repeat. “Why?”
“It’s hot outside,” he answers as if that’s all he has to say.
I roll my eyes and head over the other side of the house where the kitchen is, hoping that no one’s in there. But of course, Brinn is there making grilled cheese while Sky sits at the island, watching her. Brinn’s auburn hair is pulled back into a messy bun as always and some loose strands stick to the back of her neck, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She turns slightly and grins at Sky when she catches him looking at her. His dark, golden tanned skin darkens more on his cheeks and he buries his fingers in his black hair.
“Hey, Div,” Sky says when I walk in with Tuesday. “Who’s the punk dude?”
Brinn turns around at this, giving me a smile that fades away when she spots Tuesday.
“He came earlier to drop off a poor one,” I explain. “He wants water.”
I head to the fridge to get a bottle of water. Brinn stops me with a sound of exclamation.
“Give him a glass, Div,” she says, her perfect tinkly voice echoing through the room. “Bottled water isn’t as good for you.”
“Do I care?” I scoff. “He didn’t ask for annoying health tips. Water is water. Besides, he’s about to leave.”
I pull out a bottle of water, all the while challenging Brinn with a look. She shrugs, unfazed, and turns back to the grilled cheese.
“Nice dye job,” Sky says to Tuesday as I hand the blue-haired guy the water. “Where’d you get it?”
“It’s natural, actually,” Tuesday replies. He takes the white stick out of his mouth, which I now realize is a sucker.
“Really?” Sky squints at him. “Don’t believe you.”
Tuesday glances at Sky as if he doesn’t really see him, and then shrugs. He examines the purple candy in his hand closely before biting the rest of it off, licking the stick clean afterwards. Sky scowls at him before pointing a sock-clad foot at the trash can in the corner. Tuesday throws the stick away and then looks after it with the first emotion I have seen on his face: depression. Brinn notices this, of course.
“Is something wrong?” she asks, her almond-shaped brown eyes which give away her Asian background widening in concern.
Tuesday looks at her.
“Candy,” he says with a shrug. “Now I have to wait until I get home for another one.”
“Oh, well we have some suckers.” Brinn turns to me and I try to look as busy as possible. “Div, could you get him one of the suckers from the pantry?”
Apparently picking at the wood on the island doesn’t count as “looking busy.” Bummer. I sigh and head to the pantry, which is right across from where Tuesday is standing by the trash can. The giant bag of suckers is at the way back of the dark pantry. I pull out a random one and then head back. Tuesday is leaning against the door frame with his arms folded. With the light from the kitchen shining behind him, he looks only like a shadow. I hand him the sucker and we step out together. He unwraps the candy in one swift motion like I’ve never seen before and licks it before pushing it into his mouth.
“Are you going to leave now?” I hope my voice sounds as insufferable as I want it to be.
He shrugs, walking to the island and picking up his bottle of water. He places it on the side of his face, looks around the kitchen at the three of us, and exits the room. I go to follow him out. When I see the door close behind him, I sigh in relief knowing I won’t see him ever again and return to the kitchen where both Brinn and Sky are eating grilled cheese sandwiches.
“I want one,” I whine.
Brinn looks up.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know. The stuff is still out if you want to make your own,” she suggests.
I shake my head. Too lazy. Instead, I go to the cookie jar labeled, “Divinity’s Stash. Get Your Own.” I pull out three of the peanut butter cookies Brinn and I made two days ago and start eating. Brinn sighs.
“You can’t eat cookies all the time,” she scolds.
“I don’t,” I protest. “I also eat chocolate cake and popsicles.”
“But you also need to eat real food. I keep saying if you’re hungry you can eat a ham sandwich. They’re easy to make.”
“But are they as accessible as peanut butter cookies?” I don’t give her a chance to answer. “I didn’t think so.”
As I munch on the cookies, I watch Brinn and Sky. They had been an item up until yesterday afternoon when they decided they were better off as friends. The two have taken it quite well in my opinion. In fact, the only difference is that they no longer go around holding hands and cuddling and you aren’t scared to go onto the veranda for fear of catching them kissing on a lawn chair. Now as they eat grilled cheese together, they chat casually about the upcoming party and about the new play’s opening night that all of us were invited to. It’s a sweet thing to watch. Normally, Hannie says, breakups are messy and the people can rarely go back to being just friends. But it seems to work out perfectly for Brinn and Sky and that makes me warm inside. There must be hope after all.
After Brinn and Sky are finished eating, Brinn starts to wash the plates just as Lex comes in with Rory trailing him.
“This must be the poor one,” Sky says, leaning back against the island.
“Mhm,” Lex answers. “Where’s Hannie?”
Just then Hannie enters the room from the opposite doorway.
“Here!” she exclaims. Her golden blonde hair is curled to perfection, her yellow dress is strapless, checkered, and hugs her curves. Not for the first time, I feel jealous of her natural beauty.
“Hannie, this is Rory. He’s a poor one,” Lex says.
“Nice one,” Hannie comments, looking Rory from head to toe like a butcher sizing up a cow. Rory blushes.
“He’s decided to do the Pilgrimage.”
“What?” Her face immediately falls. “Why? Why are you doing this? Don’t you want to stay here?”
“I’d like to go home,” Rory says with all the conviction he had downstairs. His face, which before I had thought made him look younger than he is, now seems to have the hard angles of a man, though with some boyishness yet to be shed. He is quite handsome, I note, not that I would ever tell that to anyone but my friends.
Hannie pouts. “Too bad. We could have been friends.”
“Anyway,” Lex continues loudly. “You three and Micah are going to accompany him.”
“Great. Another Pilgrimage,” Sky says.
“Glad to see you’re enthusiastic about it,” I murmur so only he can hear me.
“Yeah, like you want to go,” he replies in a low voice as well. “Midget.”
“Dumb butt.”
A corner of Sky’s mouth twitches. Not hiding my own grin, I nudge him. He scoots away from me and I sit on the corner of his chair without invitation.
“What about Cupcake?” Brinn asks.
“What about Cupcake?” Lex tilts his head in confusion.
“Well, you told Div to be Cupcake’s caretaker. She’s can’t take care of Cupcake if she’s off on the Pilgrimage.”
Right. Count on Brinn to be the responsible one. Sometimes I just don’t understand why Lex assigned me the job of taking care of the eccentric Cupcake. Cupcake’s personality isn’t much different than mine. How could he expect an irresponsible person to take care of an irresponsible and childlike person? It should have been Brinn’s job.
“Right.” Lex scratches his head. “Forgot about her.”
“How can anyone forget about that loon?” Sky mutters.
“Shut up,” I say. “That’s not nice.”
“And you’re a perfect saint.”
“Well, my name is Divinity.” I grin.
“Cupcake will have to go, too, then.” Lex sighs in defeat.
“What?” I screech.
“Well you’re my second assistant so you have to go, and I can’t keep Cupcake here and throw her on someone else so she’ll just have to go with you.” He rubs his head. “I trust that you’ll keep her safe.”
“We will, Lex,” Brinn vows.
Sky, Hannie and I snicker. Lex shoots us a frown. We shut up.
“You’ll leave tomorrow.”
I look at Rory. He doesn’t seem too happy about leaving so much later, but seems to accept it. He keeps his chin down and never makes eye contact with any of us. Again I find myself feeling bad for him. When I came here, I had never thought much about my future. I only lived in the now, much like I do nowadays, and so it never occurred to me that by staying I would be giving up my normal life. But Rory is obviously older than I was then and he has plans. He’s probably thinking about how his family won’t miss him, he’s probably wondering if his girlfriend is going to give up on him and find someone else. He’s probably wondering if he ever will get home. And once again, I want to reach out and touch him, reassure him, even though I have no idea how.
Nice sudden addition here.