I paused at the sliding glass doors. I just wanted to stare at his glorious body stretched out on the grass in my backyard. He was bathed in the light of the full moon. I sure that other people thought him average looking but in my eyes there was nothing in the world as beautiful as him. I could feel the beginnings of a lump in my throat but I forced it down. I would not walk through the doors with any evidence of sadness on my face or in my body language. I took a deep breath and joined him in the yard. I slowly walked over and smirked down at him with my arms crossed. I had no idea what to say so I waited for him to initiate the conversation. A wide grin spread across his face.
“You can’t hide from me,” Steele said seeing straight through me. I let my smirk fall and covered my face with my hands as the lump returned stronger than it was when I was behind the glass. “Lay with me,” he whispered. I wiped the tears from my eyes before they had the chance to fall and lowered myself on the ground beside him. He wrapped me in big strong arms and began running his fingers through my hair. I had planned for this moment to be easy, as happy as it could be. I wanted our last moments together filled not with tears but laughter. This was a decision we’d made together months ago. It had seemed fine then, but now that it was time to put that decision into action I couldn’t help but feel like I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Evie,” he whispered. I buried my face into his chest and sighed.
“I think we’re making a mistake. I think one day years from now we’ll wake up and wonder where we went wrong and tomorrow morning will be the answer,” I answered.
Steele’s hand stopped mid-stroke and he remained quiet for a long time after that. I didn’t have to look up at his face to know that his forehead would be wrinkled, a telltale sign of when he was in deep thought. I stole a quick glance at his face to confirm what I already knew. I buried my face again and smiled inwardly, pleased with myself for knowing him so well. When he finally started running his fingers through my hair again he said, “This isn’t the last time we’re going to see each other. We’ll visit all the time. Talk, e-mail, and write all the time. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.” I was sure he was trying to convince himself so I didn’t reply. I just wrapped my arms around him tighter, holding on for dear life, because no what he said deep down I know this where we would end. We would be on opposite sides of the country chasing our very different dreams.
“Sing to me,” I whispered. He chuckled lightly and kissed the top of my head. He had the most magnificent singing voice. It was both rough and velvety smooth in the most heart wrenching way. I held by breath waiting for that voice to fill the night air. I wanted to get my fill of it tonight.
“Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard,…”
By the time he got to the chorus I shaking with sobs. Letting him go was wrong thing for me to do, there was no doubt in my mind about it. I would never love, the way I loved him again. I clung to him the entire night, but I knew that tomorrow morning I would watch him walk away. I would let him go, because it is the right thing for him to do.
*Lyrics from Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat
