Untitled

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I always seem to submit my poems into this category, cause I never know where they belong...This is something I wrote after my grandparents died, just kind of letting emotions flow.
Take a chainsaw to it!



A polished rock stands
On a hillside gently sloping
Like a lone ship out to sea
Quietly rocking against waves of green.

Spring has given birth
To new life, new colors
How utterly ironic,
In a place where neither belong.

Seasons change; a guarantee,
Grass turns crisp and leaves fall amber,
And then again, resurrected,
A second chance in a constant cycle.

This stone, though, will never die.
Yet neither will it live,
The wrong sentiment
For this reality.

Tracing fingers against
Cool, hard stone
An unfitting symbol
For those it represents.

Similarities stop,
For stone has no hope,
Thank God that blood
Gives chance for rebirth.


I don't have a good title, any ideas? Review, Please and Thank You!!
Last edited by jenni321 on Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
On a scale of 1 to Random, I'm pretty ADHD.




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Even if you hadn't said that you wrote it after your grandparents had died I still would have been able to get that you were obviously a bit upset or depressed whilst writing this. Despite that though, it was a good poem, there was feeling behind it and I love that in poetry :)
The opposite of courage is not cowardice but conformity

Bee is in the house bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




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Sweet, no one worth mentioning would take a chainsaw to something you wrote from the bottom of your heart. You did a fine job describing life's futility and rebirth, the annalogy with the stone was just right. As for the title, may I suggest that it remain untitled? There are some things that you cannot put a single name to. I am very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to loose someone you love, but, in their death, there is rebirth. This poem is proof of that. You honor their memories.
Those who dance are thought insane by those who don't hear the music.
Those who fit well into their world don't generally go about changing it.




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I like the poem. Very emotional. I just want to point out one or two little errors to make it perfect.

Like a lone ship out to see


see should be sea as the boat is on the ocean and you have used the word for catch sight of.

Now that i look through again that is actually the only error in the whole piece. I like how you personify the rock and you are very talented.

Keep up with the poetry.
Dan is my name... What more is there to say!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1090
Reviews 19
I like the poem. Very emotional. I just want to point out one or two little errors to make it perfect.

Like a lone ship out to see


see should be sea as the boat is on the ocean and you have used the word for catch sight of.

Now that i look through again that is actually the only error in the whole piece. I like how you personify the rock and you are very talented.

Keep up with the poetry.
Dan is my name... What more is there to say!



You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein