Aztlan Redux; Introduction.

(this and the lines afterwards are the actual intro to a novel I'm writing.)

I'm from the farming community of Brawley, California, a growing town in the Imperial Valley just north of the border and south of everything else. Life there is a composite of modern society and old-world values and customs that wear a mask of false relevance, just simmering beneath the surface. Its a dry, agriculturally rich place that has developed in leaps and bounds just behind or in step with the whole country.
The people of the Valley are diverse and conformist, liberal and conservative, restless and lethargic. They move through life trying to wave away the stars reaching for them and usually find a place in mediocrity somewhere in that little sandbox. People here want more, but hardly ever work towards if, and always find a way to expose their faults and mistakes without a thought of fixing them. Villains and justice here aren't as clear cut as most places, personal opinions usually sentence a man before the law does. Here, being someone, being a true individual is a double sided coin, you may be well known but it doesn't mean your well liked.
The valley breeds hostilities, rivalry, competition and abuse, but it also breeds community, decency and cooperation and empathy, though often in small doses.
Through all this though, the Valley remains unique in good and bad ways, and has carved a place in Californian society that is coupled with an odd pride in isolation. It is a place that was the starting point for politicians, artists, celebrities, athletes and heroes that have left their mark on the world. Its a place of hypocrisy and of lop sided justice but it is also a place of wandering hope and frustrated activism.
To say I love the Valley would be a stretch, but to say I'll never forget it, well that's the God honest truth.

Exe's and Oh's, Eraqio Jardon Reyes.
PS. Always shoot for the stars and dream with your boots on.

For my Dad, the greatest man I'll ever know.
Love you Apa.

I think places are some of the hardest things to describe because they're made up of thousands of interactions between people and people, people and their environment, and people and themselves. I love my hometown dearly, but I could never do it justice in a summary. I don't know if Brawley, California is a real place or not, but this description reminded me of my own attempts at labeling places. It's as if you're trying to pack a hundred years' worth of stories and identity into a couple paragraphs, and the effect on the reader is, for me at least, too heavy. The sentences are all vague, ideological, all-encompassing phrases. The metaphors are many, while the actual images of the place are, well, non-existent. Looking again, I can find only one physical description of the town besides its name and geographical location--that it's a "dry, agriculturaly rich" place.
My suggestion would be to open up your description to greater length and allow it to flow in the form of imagined stories. Have characters and see what happens to them. Introduce someone older; how has the town changed in the last fifty years? Rather than saying that people work hard, set all your scenes in a warehouse or out in the fields. Put in dialogue, humor, people to connect with. Vary the sentences; mix in some short, basic, informative ones with the convoluted, philosophical ones. As a reader, I crave images: what grows in the fields, how it's harvested, at what age do people start working, what it feels like to lie between the fields on the ruts where they keep the water when it's a perfect blue-sky day and you're too young to have to work. Show me this place. Guide me through it. Tell me its stories.
I think every sentence you have here is worth keeping, individually, but together it's overwhelming and much too slow. Let in the school bus that kicks up clouds of dust. Show me the yellow curtains that someone stayed up long hours to make, now torn to shreds by the new kitten, y'know? I want to witness this!
I really like that you start with the setting. People often neglect it, when in fact it's generally the most important bond between characters.
Can't wait to see more of this! Good luck!

~Sophie

Thanks for the considerable attention you paid to my singular intro.

The work itself is a third person narrative and is told through...well a lot of people actually.

I think I mislabeled this, this is from me, more of a forward than an introduction.