No Room for Words

So...I'm pretty much an idiot...and don't really now how this is supposed to work. So bear with me!

No Room for Words

Words. Syllables. Letters.
Talking. Chattering. Whispering.
Once ceaseless noise now has ceased;
No more do they ‘sing’.
They are mute.
Not even the echoes of their breathing
Reverberate off the walls.
Like blank mimes they stare,
No expression; no feeling.
No, their tongues have not been cut;
Nor their voices stolen.
They, sadly, have run out
Of meaningful words; sweet words of love.
Now, the silence consumes them;
Swallows them whole.
Leaving an empty, desolate,
Quiet room;
No Room for Words.

I like this but it seems kind of rushed. It has good structure and everything else looks fine. Thats just me though haha.

Yeah, now that I go back through and read it again to myself outloud, it does seem kind of rushed...thanks for the review!

First off, excellent beginning. It caught my attention and I liked the line "Once ceaseless noise now has ceased". You did have some really cool images.

However, I was slightly distracted reading your poem because there's so many random semi-colons. They're not so common, so my eyes just go straight to them instead of the words. I'm fairly certain most of your uses are grammatically incorrect as well, so it's doubly distracting. I stop reading and start trying to remember my middle school grammar book. My advice: bone up on the proper uses of semi-colons, and use them sparingly.

The other major critique I have is...who are they? Why should I, the easily distracted reader, care about them and their silence? The poem could be stronger if you added more details about the setting and the people themselves.

Also, I might suggest adding stanzas, as this could enhance the flow and make the piece easier to read.

Overall, cool imagery that could be made even better with some cleaning up and expansion. Happy editing and keep writing!

niteowl, thank you so much for the review! Concerning the semicolon happiness: I agree. My english teacher this past year called me a "spazz" because in an essay I wrote I got a little too happy with the semicolons. I will ease up and review my grammar. I am pretty rusty! I really appreciate the reivew, I need it!