Mirror as a Mirror

Mirror as a Mirror

Your left, his right;
opposites seen alike.
Mirror their image,
generations' lineage-
of hate, lies,
and law it defies.

Break the glass,
replace the mass-
with smiling faces,
of gratified races.
Mirror all wrong,
for us to be strong.

Mirror as a mirror mirrors!

Hey Bailecielo, Im Des.

Hey I think this was superb.

And I like the ending:Mirrror as a mirror mirrors.
Kinda biting my tongue when I say it.

Two things though, when I added the word "the" mentally to the sixth line of the first stanza it seemed to help with the flow. The other thing is about the ending of the stanza. I felt that it ended abruptly, and I was left wanting more. But I still loved it anyway!

Wow...i like the poem very much..


you have done a great job...

- Anshita

Hey there Baile, Juniper here!

It's been so long since I reviewed poetry properly, so I'm sorry if anything I say is kind of off/against my better judgment. Let's have a stab:

Your left, his right;

opposites seen alike.

Mirror their image,

generations' lineage-

of hate, lies,

and law it defies.

Reading through this kind of raised a few questions. I thought it was creative, but on that same note, it's rather confusing.

I say this because it's like, you're looking at your reflection at first and then you're talking about lineage. I see how that connects to reflection-- it's all of the place you've gotten your looks from, but what about the hate, lies, and defying of laws?

I understand that rhyme is an important factor in this poem, but I feel like you're pressing it hard here. The rhyme is restricting you, rather than propelling you, and I think that this is a hold-back, because we have to jump between ideas quickly, without enough elaboration on one idea.

Break the glass,

replace the mass-

with smiling faces,

of gratified races.

Mirror all wrong,

for us to be strong.



Mirror as a mirror mirrors!

Hm, this is also confusing.

In the previous stanza, I felt that it was a peaceful sort of mirroring, but now, this seems almost violent.



««

So, here's what I thought:


I thought you had a very creative idea, along with a creative way of presenting this idea, but I honestly felt that you limited yourself with rhyme.


I feel that you should have let the words flow, carry you rather than carry it. I feel that you could expand your ideas more on this.


Keep it up, dear! Well done.


Juniper

Thanks for all the reviews. I'm just a bit upset that people didn't quite understand the real message of the poem. It was supposed to have more depth than it was awarded... it was more of me expressing political aggressiveness against the government and reminding people to do things differently. I used a"mirror" to represent the thought that we ought to do the opposite of what they're doing. Opposite, you ask? Notice the first stanza. It explains the idea that a mirror never reflects the EXACT things you do... it reflects things oppositely (sorry, I'm not a genius at physics, so i can't remember how to explain scientifically LOL!).

* In my country, we're in SERIOUS need of better leaders... I hope that explains the angst!:D

this is an awesome poem!