Pathways of Trust

Sitting in the moonlight.
The stars blinking at thee.
Wondering why these problems.
Are occuring at free.
You think you trust someone.
And can never trust another.
But really they are opposite.
They contradict each other...

I don't agree with this poem's message. Maybe in an isolated sense, but you apply it to society at large. I think you should have given an example and personalized the poem to drive your point home. I would not say to change much, though. The rhyme scheme works, although appears to force at least one of the rhymes (though not awkwardly), so that's up to your discretion. I would add onto this, but I don't feel well enough.

The rhyme makes it appear so childish in quality - I can only assume this is what you wanted to portray, but I think it detracts from the more serious message you are attempting to convey to the reader, and instead makes the whole poem seem a little...silly? Also, it's too short. As Brad says, you don't force your points home well ennough, not enough to make the reader feel like they should think about your viewpoint. Instead, it becomes a throwaway read that does not play on the mind or stick with you.

hmm... i guess your right... i probably should put my main points. "home"... but thanks a bunch for the comments! :):):):):):):):):):):):)

I liked the overall message you were trying to portray, except, like everyone knows, I'm not one for rhyming poetry. It's a skill most of us aren't good at. And hello, it ain't 1665, get rid of the 'thee'...too forced.

I don't really agree. The message that your trying to tell the reader is very off to me, but I guess I get some of it. The rhyming made me think this was a Dr. Seuss book for a while, it was very childish and the "thee" that you put in the second line was just corny. You should really add on to it, the shortness just made me not like it. The idea overall was a good one, but didnt go too well.

I like the ryhme sceame and the flow. It was a nice poem to read but I don't agree with the message, or what I think is the message, it seemed very vage at what the message was. And also I don't think you should put the dots at the end, it doesn't look right to me.

Its OK, but I have to agree with the other, its not really cutting it for me.

hmm, interesting. I don't really understand what this poem is trying to say, but I still like it.