THEM

Hi,
So this long and might be boring to you novel is hopefully going to be my first. I hope to write 12 books for this series and I know it is a lot to aspire for, but for the damage and repairing that I plan on doing to THEM I need 12 books.
I am truly attached to these characters, I actually wonder what they are doing sometimes when I am sitting and watching TV. (I am not crazy!)
This is a chick lit so save your self now if you do not like that genre of books.
Please do your best to help me, as this probably needs some work.
I am unsure of some of the chapter names so if you have any suggestions please do tell!
PM me if you have any questions!

Love,
N

hmm... i guess i'll do it. i need the points, and i plan on posting my own five-chapter work very soon. i would advise you to also put a .txt file up along with the what i assume is a word doc. Just when you go to "save as" below where you say what it is is a drop down. Pick what shoudl be something like ".txt" or "text only" or "text file". that way people without word can read it. also, i can put it on my mp4 player...

give me a week to finish, please.

EDIT:

please give me an extra four days for i was in DC. sorry for the wait, but it is a lot of work...

sorry for double posting. here is your review:

there are a few points i want to get clear:

a) name brands are bad. you never know when the fads and stuff will be out. if you plan on selling this book in a few years those will kill it same with current stars, songs, ect.

b) you are misusing pronouns, making us not be sure of who "she", "her", and "him" are.

c) you are switching paragraphs at inappropriate places

My comments throughout the piece are in red and enclosed in brackets. At the end I shared some general thoughts I had on the piece. I hope I could help you with this a little!
If you have any thoughts or want me to elaborate on a point I made (and I'm sure there are places where I'm not making any sense or didn't say enough) let me know. Also, if there is a specific portion or thing within the piece that you were looking for feedback on and I didn't do ithat, let me know and I'll try to correct that.

-Pattycakes

This is the first time I've ever done a AC so I'm not sure if I did it right sorry I put any nitpicks I found throughout the story in comments and red text and my general overveiw at the bottom. I hope this helps! And if you want any explainations on what I've mentioned, feel free to PM and I'll eleborate k?

Good job by the way

--PandaPez

Here is your review: there are a few points I want to get clear:

a) Name brands are bad. You never know when the fads and stuff will be out. If you plan on selling this book in a few years those will kill it same with current stars, songs, ect.

b) You are misusing pronouns, making us not be sure of who "she", "her", and "him" are.

c) You are switching paragraphs at inappropriate places. Some WILL be long, others will be very short.

d) You need to put commas in where it would make sense to the reader, not just when they are needed in order to abide by the laws of the English language.

e) Don’t get “enter” happy, as I mentioned before.

I am tough with my critiquing. I know you probably want to kill me by now, but that is my job ^^. How about this: you make all the corrections you think are needed that I have mentioned in the text, then I want you to print out the whole thing, put it on your desk, get a good led pen that has a full eraser, and read through the whole thing. Not at once, of course, but when you have time. Mark up your writing as if it was one of those prompts that ask you to fix and add to the story in order to make it the best It could be. After you go through all the pages, not leaving one word unread, marking up everything, I want you to go back to your computer with those papers and then make the corrections to your typed document. You may find that you want to add even more, don’t like a correction you made, ect. That is okay.
The idea behind this is so you can visibly see how much you changed with your story. I do this to every draft, and it has helped me to become a better-than-my-age group writer in a little more than six months. (That is not my opinion, by the way, I was actually told that in a review of mine. Made me feel all tingly inside ^-^).

The plot:

You wouldn’t believe how sorry I am for not finishing my yelling at you for doing stuff. (^-^). I know I may be missing a HUGE part of the plot, but I could not review any farther. From what I read it is VERY UNINTERSESTING (minus the parts about the various underwear, hehe. I’m a healthy man. What do you expect?). There is no pull at the beginning. I saw that your earlier draft you started at the part where they are gossiping about the girl that… okay, I’ll stop myself this time… but, seriously, wouldn’t that be kinda… cold? Or are you talking about literally raw, like with blood on it still? (Shutting up now).

I would happily review it again once you finish fixing it up. The whole thing this time!

Hope I helped,
~Otaku (n_n)

I'll take a look! Do you want me to read the recently edited version someone posted, or edit the original?

MJ

Hi,
I have a newer, newer version. I did some editing my self.

Hey, I'd like to take a crack at this. You'll have to give me a few days, considering this is longer then a normal review. I'll hopefully be done in a few days. But, I'm not making that a promise. I do promise, that I'll do it. It will be my first advanced critique. But, I'll do my best. All I ask for is patience.

Hey! I finished it! I put comments in red, and I put some overall comments at the end. I really enjoyed reading it.