An essay about hurricane Ike

Justin Prieto
Vanhuss
7
Hurricane Ike


As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change. My family thought we were prepared, but this hurricane was a new experience for all of us. I don’t think I will ever be the same again.
We waited for the worse to hit as the wind sped up to small blast. Night slowly crept across the plain, bringing the final hour before the storm. I settled on the couch waiting for the storm to begin its feast. Out of nowhere, the burst of wind came and rattled the house and shook the ground. Rain pounded the earth and roof, beating like a fiery heart exploding with anger. Only the snores of my dad escaped the cold roar of Ike.
The explosion of thunder shook me to consciousness. We all jumped 2 ft. high. I ran from the room as the echo coursed through the neighborhood. When I finally made it back to the room, the board slapped the window as a branch collided with it. The cats raced to hide while Rocky, my puppy, shot straight to me as he quivered under the safety of my sheet.
Flashes of light, accompanied with explosions, led people into the dark, lonely night, but the worse was when a slides of sound led us to complete darkness as the beast of a storm moved on. As the dark led to the dimly lit night, we stared waiting for an invading wind to blow us to kingdom come. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Astonished that nothing moved or made a sound, the wave of slumber I was anticipating came, thrusting me into a twirling slumber.
This entire experience helped me learn a lot about my family. As we waited for power, we learned to prepare for the unexpected, but we were excited that we could clean the yard. I hope we will never experience a hurricane like this again.

A few general rules to help with any kind of writing:

1. Avoid "to be" verbs. There is always something more descriptive that will sound better.
- Avoid the passive voice. This is very closely related to the use of "to be verbs".
2. Try to make it as concise as possible without losing meaning. If it doesn't convey vital information, you don't need it. If it does, there is usually a better way to put it to make the whole thing flow better.
3. Always be sure to say exactly what you mean. If you have the time, it helps to just look at every word and ask "Is this the best word to portray this?" and "Am I saying exactly what I mean?" Do the same thing with phrases.
4. Avoid prepositional phrases. They tend to add descriptive language by making a sentence longer. Try to use adjectives instead.
5. Be careful to use the same tense throughout your work. Switching from present to past to future is confusing and displays lack of experience.

Juciebox wrote:Justin Prieto
Vanhuss
7
Hurricane Ike


As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change.( "I couldn't help think" This doesn't work. 1 Either say "I couldn't help but think" or I couldn't help thinking." Best of all, you could just say "I thought" *2) My family thought we were prepared, but this hurricane was a new experience for all of us. I don’t think I will ever be the same again.
We waited for the worse to hit as the wind sped up to small blast. Night slowly crept across the plain, bringing the final hour before the storm. I settled on the couch waiting for the storm to begin its feast. Out of nowhere, the burst of wind came and rattled the house and shook the ground. Rain pounded the earth and roof, beating like a fiery heart exploding with anger. Only the snores of my dad escaped the cold roar of Ike.
The explosion of thunder shook me to consciousness. We all jumped 2 ft. high. I ran from the room as the echo coursed through the neighborhood. When I finally made it back to the room, the board slapped the window as a branch collided with it. The cats raced to hide while Rocky, my puppy, shot straight to me as he quivered under the safety of my sheet.
Flashes of light, accompanied with explosions, led people into the dark, lonely night, but the worse was when a slides of sound led us to complete darkness as the beast of a storm moved on. As the dark led to the dimly lit night, we stared waiting for an invading wind to blow us to kingdom come. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Astonished that nothing moved or made a sound, the wave of slumber I was anticipating came, thrusting me into a twirling slumber.
This entire experience helped me learn a lot about my family. As we waited for power, we learned to prepare for the unexpected, but we were excited that we could clean the yard. I hope we will never experience a hurricane like this again.

A few general rules to help with any kind of writing:

1. Avoid "to be" verbs. There is always something more descriptive that will sound better.
- Avoid the passive voice. This is very closely related to the use of "to be verbs".
2. Try to make it as concise as possible without losing meaning. If it doesn't convey vital information, you don't need it. If it does, there is usually a better way to put it to make the whole thing flow better.
3. Always be sure to say exactly what you mean. If you have the time, it helps to just look at every word and ask "Is this the best word to portray this?" and "Am I saying exactly what I mean?" Do the same thing with phrases.
4. Avoid prepositional phrases. They tend to add descriptive language by making a sentence longer. Try to use adjectives instead.
5. Be careful to use the same tense throughout your work. Switching from present to past to future is confusing and displays lack of experience.
6. Don't use the same verb too many times in a paragraph or essay. Once per paragraph is the most that will work well, and there is always a different way to phrase it.
7. A little proofreading goes a long way. Check to make sure your grammar, spelling, and punctuation are correct. It often helps to have a friend read it as well, because they may catch things you missed, having written it and so being familiar with the work.

I'm going to take apart your first sentence and demonstrate a few of these principles.

Juciebox wrote:As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change.

As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change.

This is the first and most obvious problem with this sentence: "I couldn't help but think" or "I couldn't help thinking would be more grammatically correct. Using rule two, however, you can easily see that the ideal is to simply say "I thought."

As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change.

Now, following rule one, we want to eliminate the "to be" verbs: "I thought, 'Change approaches.'" This is very concise and conveys to the reader exactly what you are trying to say.

As I stared out the window, I couldn’t help think it was all about to change.

This is a double prepositional phrase. Simply write: "Staring outside, I thought, 'Change approaches.'"

One could spend hours perfecting a single paragraph this way, so it is necessary to decide how important the quality of a certain work is to you. If you follow these steps to evaluate and revise your essay, it will make a huge difference. Just remember not to try to make it perfect. It's impossible. If any of this seems a little harsh or too in-depth, I apologize. These are the things I have learned in college, and I would like to help prepare others so they don't get picked apart like this for the first time when it really counts.

Have fun as continue your journey as an author!

--Arianna