Why?

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I pretty much got bored one time, late at night, and spilled out some words and voila
I'd just like some feedback on what works, what doesnt, you know.

Why ever a sunrise?
Why would she have me here?
Why the timeless wash of the waves?
Why soft sand and a setting sun?
Why ambiguity and serenity?

Why words in the dying light?
Why no sweet buss?
Why fierce eyes and stolid lips?

Why?

Why does she smile when she means not to?
Why ever in the translucent air of dusk,
Could my dry heart not be seen to shatter?

Why must a quivering lip catch liquid memories, a single tear
Sliding from my cheek?
Why another drop among the turbulent waves?

Why my mind cascading around me?
Why would balance desert me?
Why the steady buzz of loss droning inside?

Why must odium snatch my breath?
Why hatred oozing between my lips?
Why words?

Why words becoming sobs becoming bile?
Why must my heart die with the setting sun?
Why does silence hurt the most?




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Gender Female
Points 1947
Reviews 26
Hey. I like that poem, it made me feel like I was there, watching the sunset.

I think the part that I liked the most had to be
Why words becoming sobs becoming bile?
Impossible is a word to be found in a dictionary of fools- M. Thatcher




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1681
Reviews 31
Why ever a sunrise?

Why would she have me here?

Why the timeless wash of the waves?

Why soft sand and a setting sun?

Why ambiguity and serenity?



Why words in the dying light?

Why no sweet buss?

Why fierce eyes and stolid lips?



Why?



Why does she smile when she means not to?

Why ever in the translucent air of dusk,

Could my dry heart not be seen to shatter?



Why must a quivering lip catch liquid memories, a single tear

Sliding from my cheek?

Why another drop among the turbulent waves?



Why my mind cascading around me?

Why would balance desert me?

Why the steady buzz of loss droning inside?



Why must odium snatch my breath?

Why hatred oozing between my lips?

Why words?



Why words becoming sobs becoming bile?

Why must my heart die with the setting sun?

Why does silence hurt the most?
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Complex and beautiful.
It was nice.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 10
I really love the emotion because it's raw and I enjoyed the line "...must a quivering lip catch liquid memories..."

I like what you're trying to say at the end, but have you considered making the last line a statement instead of a question? I think it'll make the poem a bit more powerful.
How nice- to feel nothing but still get credit for being alive.



trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backward)
— E.E. Cummings