Okay. As writers block is taking over and I can't write anything at the moment, I though I'd try something different and use my own experiences, which I usually find too personal and don't like it. I think it worked pretty well.
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‘Rosie, wait up!’ I carried on walking, not even having to fight the urge to turn around. No matter how much I wanted to, I would not turn around, I owed myself that much. The calls were getting closer and closer to me, and although I knew I would have to face her sometime, there was no way I was going to turn around and stop, to give her the satisfaction of having control over me once again. Then I felt the hand on my shoulder, and knew this was it, this was when I was going to tell her exactly what I thought,
‘Rosie, I don’t want it to end like this, and I’m not looking for an argument. Can we put this behind us.’
All of a sudden, all my feelings of hate and anger towards her were gone. Here she was, my beat friend, someone I had shared so many memories with, there was no way I could tell her all the horrid thoughts I had been having. I hated myself in this moment, I was letting her get to me once again, I was letting her control me and I knew why. The one thing that took over my life, the one thing stopping me from doing what I really wanted, cutting her out of my life.
‘Of course we can’
I smiled as she hugged me, and I took in her scent and how her body felt under my hands. As she pulled away, she kept her hands around my neck and I didn’t move my hands from her waist. It was a sweet moment, she had to go and ruin it,
‘I’ve got to go and meet Tom. Come with me?’
Tom. The boyfriend. One of the biggest problems I have to face almost every day. It kills me when I go with her to meet him. He’s totally soppy, saying things like ‘I just wanna be with you Sophie’ or ‘I love you’ while I stand around feeling like an absolute twat and wishing I was him. Of course, they both know exactly how I feel. It doesn’t change anything at all.
I nodded, and she pulled away and linked arms as we walked towards the park where my torture would start,
‘Hey.’
Tom hugged her in the way she had been hugging me just moments ago. As I stood there, a million different thought ran through my head. Things like ‘I hope I don’t look jealous.’, ‘how do I look like I’m not jealous’, ‘I don’t want to look at them, but my eyes are just drawn to her’. She lifted her head and caught my eye, and blew a kiss in my direction, we both exploded into a fit of laughter. It was moments like this that reminded me why I always forgave her no matter what she did.
After living through the nightmare of spending time with Sophie and Tom holding hands and kissing, I found myself sat on her bed, with her next to me, telling me what tom tried to do when I wasn’t there.
‘He tried to get his hands down my pants.’
She lowered her voice and gave me the look that let me know she was not in the best of moods with him.
‘And then he did this.’
And the next thing I knew, her hands were on my thighs, moving swiftly upwards. I knew I should stop it, it was obvious, and it was the right thing to do. But things like this happened often, so why should I put a stop to it now. I didn’t want it to stop; I enjoyed it way too much. Her face was suddenly centimetres away from mine, as she showed me where he put his hands when he kissed her. And the next things I knew, my lips were on hers, there was no time to stop it, and her mouth suddenly opened and mine opened with it. And then our tongues were suddenly dancing together as I wrapped my hands around her waist. And I knew I would regret it. It was one of those spur of the moment things. Fireworks exploded inside me, this felt right. It felt right, but it was so wrong too.
The next morning in school, I knew something was wrong the minute I stepped into French. She’d always sat with me in French, always, even when we were in the middle of an argument, we sat together. Not today, I glanced at her empty seat and then my eyes were drawn across the classroom, to where she sat, sharing a joke, with Lana, the girl who she supposedly hates. And suddenly, I realised just how big this mistake could have been.
‘Hey Sophie.’ I said as I passed. Silence.
‘Hey Lana.’ More silence. Clearly, she had told Lana about the night before.
All day, more of the same. She avoided me, but made sure whenever she was sharing a joke with someone, she made sure it was loud enough for me to hear. I won’t deny it, I did the same thing; I wanted to show her just how much I didn’t care. Even though inside, I cared a hell of a lot.
That night, sat at home, the phone rang, I knew straight away it would be her. No one else rings here, everyone else rings my mobile. I didn’t move, as I heard my Mother race to get the phone, shooting me a look on her way past,
‘It’s Sophie.’
I took my time, turning the volume on the T.V down, shutting the living room door, sitting on the floor, moving the phone. Before I picked it up and spoke
‘Hello.’ I heard a deep breath on the other end of the phone,
‘Rosie, I’m so sorry. Last night. What happened? It confused the hell out of me. It was unexpected. I want to be your friend again.’
And once again, I was putty in her hands; I was back at square one. She says jump, I’d say how high?
‘It’s okay, I’m sorry too; it was a spur of the moment thing.’
‘It’s fine, I over reacted to it all. Let’s forget it, okay.’
I smiled into the phone,
‘Sure. Put it behind us.’ We both laughed, and again I remembered why we were friends in the first place.
‘So, you want to come out after school tomorrow? Tom’s dragging me out with some of his mates again. I need someone to keep me sane.’
And the circle was completed, and it was about to start again, and there was nothing I could, no, nothing I would do about it...
That is confusing. Sorry, I thought Sophie was nicknamed Rosey.
