a day in the life of a sk8ing koala

i woke in a daze as usual. nothing special about this day again the same 4 the past 5565 mornings before it. i did what i do every morning roll out off bed un-elegantly on to the floor and lie there on my face for 2 hour trying to convince myself its worth getting up. when i had finished my face sesh i pivoted on my head and sild my jeans on then got up clumsily twating my head on the table opposite put on my tee i bought from primark,yes i know primark but my friend came up with a clever solution to this we will simply referr to it as primarny solving all our problems and its pretty sik for 4 quid, then i put on my new,i say my new, lecoaste jacket that i got from lost property at school, do judge me its a nice jacket and they said take it or its going to charity so who am i to turn down a free 90 quid jacket so ye bet your feeling pretty silly now, and carried on down stairs. again as usual i would bang my head on the roof when coming down stairs groaning a little to give the sence i noticed but didnt really care id just complain later.

13:45 said the orange clock on my xbox, you've probably got the image of an orange coloured icon in the corner. no my friend you are mistaken its the fruit the orange with some hands and numbers on it seems a bit pointless to some like me because its 200 fucking points for a virtual clock thats nearly as usful as gorden brown even if he did get plastic surgery to stop his face from looking like someone had just crudely drawn a face on a scrotum. i may have said it but you all where thinking it, theres a knock on the door of course i can tell its doug from the most peculiar way that he knocks(very homosexually) but there he is at the door always looking cheerful and happy, rosy cheeked and bright eyed. doug always looked alot younger than he was, i know an 8 year old who looks older than him,he may be a chain smoker but we dont need to get into that, doug also acted alot younger than 15 extremely childish attitude. i suppose i cant talk seeing as i still laugh when an american says call of duty on xbox live because it sounds like dudy,lol gets me every time,

anyway we get to the park ,wow if that doesnt sound sad for our age it is a skate park, we just did some basic practising nothing special. i hadn't been skateing for long only a month or so but i was really enjoying it and was learning fast i could already board slide but i has fucked up my new board quite alot. when it comes to skateing i am no where near good but i do know that you learn from mistakes and mistakes come in scars and bruises so i fell quite a bit and broke my ass again still jsut recovering from the last weekend warm up.

random explosion,sex scene and gun fire in split second

anyway it hit 8:45 so we decided to pack in hit my head on the way upstairs fell into bed wriggled out of cloths and waited 4 the 2hour face plant in the morning.

Hey, Koala!

Welcome to Young Writers Society! It's a great place to get critiques for your work, so you should return the favor! It's a loose "rule" here that for every piece of your own work you post, you should have two reviews of others' work. Your review count is currently at zero, so get cracking!

Also, remember to always capitalise your I's while writing!

PM me if you have any questions.

Hope this helped,
Sakura

Hey there Koala!

Ok, first of all, let’s go over the basic rules.

Capitalize the title of your work. Change it from “a day in the life of a sk8ing koala” to “A Day in the Life of a Skating Koala.” Also, you need to rate this. PG-13 at the least.

I know you know this, but you always need some some sort of ending punctuation for the end of a sentence. (Weather it’s ., ?, ! ect.)

Also, when you have a word like “dont” you need an apostrophe. (Ex: don’t.)
Remember, you always need to capitalize “I”. (Names, too.)

Don’t use numbers or letters for words like “to”, “for”, “you”, or “are”. Just write them out.

Also, you have some serious run-on sentences. Try to fix them, K? (Ex: “I went out side to get the mail and I saw my neighbor outside we talked and talk but Mom called me so I went inside.” to “I thought I heard the mailman, so I went outside to check. While I was there, I saw my neighbor, Miss. Robinson. We talked and talked, but then I heard Mom calling, so I told her goodbye. )

I’ve already done those things, but make sure to add them to your next piece.

This is what it looks like:

I woke in a daze as usual. Nothing special about this day. Again, the same [s]4[/s] as the past 5,565 mornings before it. I did what I do every morning, roll out off bed un-elegantly on to the floor and lie there on my face for [s]2[/s] two hours trying to convince myself it's worth getting up. When I [s]had[/s] finished my face sesh, I pivoted on my head and slid my jeans on. Then I got up clumsily, twating my head on the table opposite of me, and put on my tee I bought from Primark.(Yes, I know, Primark. But my friend came up with a clever solution to this, we will simply refer to it as " primary solving all our problems", and it's pretty sick for [s]4[/s] Quid). [s]then[/s] After that, I put on my new, I [s]say[/s] said my new, Lecoaste jacket that I got from the "Lost" property at school. Don't judge me, it's a nice jacket, and they said, "Take it or it's going to charity." So who am I to turn down a free $90 Quid jacket? [s]so ye bet your feeling pretty silly now, [/s][s]and[/s] Then I carried on down stairs. Again, as usual, I would bang my head on the roof when coming down stairs. Groaning a little to give the scene, I noticed, but didn't really care. I'd just complain later.

13:45, said the orange clock on my Xbox. You've probably got the image of an orange coloured icon in the corner. No, my friend, you are mistaken. It's the fruit the orange with some hands and numbers on it. It seems a bit pointless to some like me, because its 200 fucking points for a virtual clock thats nearly as useful as Gorden Brown. (Even if he did get plastic surgery to stop his face from looking like someone had just crudely drawn a face on a scrotum.) I may have said it, but you all where thinking it. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. [s]of course [/s]I can tell it's Doug from the most peculiar way that he knocks.(Very homosexually.) [s]but[/s] There he is at the door, always looking cheerful and happy, rosy cheeked and bright eyed. Doug always looked a lot younger than he was. (I know an 8 year old who looks older than him. He may be a chain smoker, but we don't need to get into that.) Doug also acted a lot younger than 15. (He's got an extremely childish attitude.) But then. I suppose I can't talk, seeing as I still laugh when an American says "Call of duty" on Xbox live because it sounds like [s]dudy[/s] doody. [s]lol[/s] Ha. Gets me every time.


[s]anyway[/s] Sooner or later, we get to the Park. (Wow, if that doesn't sound sad for our age. Don't worry, [s]it is[/s] it's a skate park.) We just did some basic practising, nothing special. I hadn't been [skating for long, only a month or so, but I was really enjoying it, and was learning fast. I could already board slide. Unfortoinetly.[s] but [/s]I [s]has[/s] had fucked up my new board quite a lot. When it comes to skating, I am nowhere near good. But I do know that you learn from mistakes, and mistakes come in scars and bruises, so I fell quite a bit and broke my ass again. I'm still [s]just[/s] recovering from [s]the[/s] last week[s]end[/s]'s warm up.

Random explosion, sex scene, and gun fire in a split second.

anyway, it hit 8:45, so we decided to pack it up and go home. I hit my head on the way upstairs, fell into bed and wriggled out of my clothes, and waited [s]4[/s] for the 2 hour face plant in the morning.

Here are some bad run-on sentences:

i woke in a daze as usual. nothing special about this day again the same 4 the past 5565 mornings before it. i did what i do every morning roll out off bed un-elegantly on to the floor and lie there on my face for 2 hour trying to convince myself its worth getting up.

when i had finished my face sesh i pivoted on my head and sild my jeans on then got up clumsily twating my head on the table opposite put on my tee i bought from primark,yes i know primark but my friend came up with a clever solution to this we will simply referr to it as primarny solving all our problems and its pretty sik for 4 quid, then i put on my new,i say my new, lecoaste jacket that i got from lost property at school, do judge me its a nice jacket and they said take it or its going to charity so who am i to turn down a free 90 quid jacket so ye bet your feeling pretty silly now, and carried on down stairs.

In this whole part there is only one period!

no my friend you are mistaken its the fruit the orange with some hands and numbers on it seems a bit pointless to some like me because its 200 fucking points for a virtual clock thats nearly as usful as gorden brown even if he did get plastic surgery to stop his face from looking like someone had just crudely drawn a face on a scrotum.

when it comes to skateing i am no where near good but i do know that you learn from mistakes and mistakes come in scars and bruises so i fell quite a bit and broke my ass again still jsut recovering from the last weekend warm up.

Remember, periods are really important.


Review time!

... again the same 4 the past 5565 mornings before it.

That sentence doesn't read right. It's confusing. I suggest you change it.

when i had finished my face sesh i pivoted on my head...

What is a "sesh"?

...twating my head on the table opposite put on my tee i bought...

How do you "twat" your head on a table? You need to make "put on my tee i bought" a new sentence.

yes i know primark but my friend came up with a clever solution to this we will simply referr to it as primarny solving all our problems and its pretty sik for 4 quid

This is very confusing. Also, I put "sik" as "sick", it that what you meant?

...so ye bet your feeling pretty silly now,

Huh? Why am I feeling silly? You also might want to put "you" instead of "ye'.

again as usual i would bang my head on the roof when coming down stairs groaning a little to give the sence...

First of all, I would get rid of that "Again". Second, do you mean "ceiling"? It's pretty impossible to hit your head on the roof. (Especially indoors.) Also, some people might not understand "to give the scene". At the least I would change it to "make".

...i noticed but didnt really care id just complain later.

Why would you complain later?

13:45 said the orange clock on my xbox, you've probably got the image of an orange coloured icon in the corner. no my friend you are mistaken its the fruit the orange with some hands and numbers on it seems a bit pointless to some like me because its 200 fucking points for a virtual clock thats nearly as usful as gorden brown even if he did get plastic surgery to stop his face from looking like someone had just crudely drawn a face on a scrotum.

Ok, this whole bit is a little off-topic. Is doesn't add to the story at all. (I know I said this before, but please rate! Some of us don't want to read stuff like this. )

i may have said it but you all where thinking it, theres a knock on the door of course i can tell its doug from the most peculiar way that he knocks(very homosexually)

How does one knock "homosexually"? Describe please.

he may be a chain smoker but we dont need to get into that,

Off-topic.

doug also acted alot younger than 15 extremely childish attitude.

This bit doesn't make sense. Does he have a childish attitude?

lol gets me every time,

Try not to use chat speak in you writing.

still jsut recovering from the last weekend warm up.

I would put and "I'm" in front of that.

so we decided to pack in hit my head

This is confusing. I would put an "I" Before "hit", "up" instead of "in", and a period after "up".

wriggled out of cloths

and waited 4 the 2hour face plant in the morning.

Nice ending.



Ok, overall, this is very confusing. It doesn't have a point. Is this "About the Authors"? If so, put it in the appropriate file.

Well, I can't do anything else until you fix it up. Once you do, tell me and I go over it again.

Please apply all I've told you to future writing, it will help you a lot!

Anyway, PM me if you have any questions.

Good luck!
-Y