It was almost impossible to sit still. Every time I sat down it only took a few seconds for my legs to start shaking. A few more seconds for me to start biting my nails and I started pacing again. I tried to think of other things, like the hospital itself opposed to why I was at the hospital in this God forsaken waiting room. Like why do they have these awful bright fluorescent lights? Everything in the hospital is white: the floors, the ceilings, the walls, and the doors. Doesn’t bright and white make people think of being dead? Was the hospital trying to prep their patients for what might be coming? I glared around the room, stopping my constant pacing. They stick you is a room that puts you in the mind of the afterlife and then abandon you. There are supposed to be nurses and doctors all around keeping me updated. I haven't been updated yet! Hospitals are cruel places. I wanted nothing more than to just leave this place with my parents in hand, but judging by what I’ve been told already that might not be possible either.
My parents had been in a car accident. Not one of those car accidents where you’re backing out of a space at the mall and make a mistake and tape another parked car. No, my parents had been in a real one; some drunken asshole tried to get on the freeway going in the wrong direction and smashed into my parents head on as they tried to get off. Just imagining the aftermath of that kind of collision blurred my vision with tears again. I put my face in my hands and permitted only one choked sob to be emitted. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to stay strong. No, I had to stay strong. I started pacing again and absently reached for the pack of cigarettes in my back pocket. I’d had it tucked perfectly between my lips when a voice stopped me.
“There’s no smoking in here, honey,” said an elderly nurse.
She walked away, her sweet but wrinkled face smiling, before I could even respond. I scoffed and shoved the cigarette back into my pocket. Of course there’s someone around when you’re trying to do something illegally comforting. I crossed my arms and glanced at the clock. Had I really only been here three hours? It felt like I’d been here for days. The time made me even more anxious. My hands started to shake and my breath began coming out in quick loud huffs. I began to pace faster. Where the hell were the doctors!
“Ms. English?” a deep voice came from behind me.
A doctor, I realized at once. I spun around and rushed toward him. He walked slowly meeting me halfway. He was flanked by another doctor clutching a chart to her chest. I searched their faces trying to gage whether the update would be good or bad. Their faces, however, were completely blank. I braced myself for anything. I stood completely still in front of them. I was no longer pacing. Both my shaking and breathing had stopped. I was completely still. The male doctor closest to me shoved his hands in his pockets. He took another step closer to me to make the impending conversation more intimate, I figured.
“Your mother suffered serious injuries. As we understand she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. The crash resulted in her body being ejected from the car through the windshield. Her body is almost completely bruised and she has plenty of broken bones. Five of her ribs were broken and three pierced her lungs. We have her on a ventilator as of now. When she hit the ground her skull cracked. She is in a coma right now and her heart beat is slow. I don’t want to let that she won’t be alright but I don’t want to tell that she will either. It’s very touch and go at the moment,” the doctor finished his face still remarkably blank.
I didn’t react. I just waited. I didn’t want to halt getting the full story. I had to hear about my dad. I just stared at him waiting for him to continue. My direct eye contact seemed to fluster him in some way. He averted his eyes for a fraction of a second and shifted his weight uncomfortably. What did that mean? Was the news of my father worse? How could it be? He took a deep breath before continuing.
“Your father was not thrown from the car and the airbags did deploy, but the angle in which the steering wheel was at and the force of the crash snapped his neck. Your father was killed instantly,” he said. “I’m very sorry.”
He had spoken very clear and plain English. It however did not register that way in my head. My brows furrowed as my mind struggled to make sense of what he had just said.
“Your father was killed instantly.”
The breath that I had been holding gusted out of me. My entire body begun to tremor so bad it was almost convulsing. My knees had turned to jelly and I could no longer hold myself up. Both doctors rushed forward to catch me as I began to crumble. My body was reacting on it own. I had no control over it. I gasped in a considerable amount of air before letting it back out in bloodcurdling scream.
* This is a story I've just begun to work on. I was suddenly inspired by a look on my friend's face one day. It was kind of weird but I'm really excited about this story. All opinions and comments are greatly appreciated!
