Maybe I'm Just Another Fool

I'm not entirely sure if this belongs in narrative poetry but i'll give it a try. please comment!! i need all the help i can get!!!





A hushed whisper
Cold, quick kisses upon your face,
Soaking your body,
Seeping all the way to your heart until,
You feel that tingle,
That spark,
That intuition,
The indescribable feeling,
That so many fools have tried to put to words.

A beautiful song,
With a million rhythms,
And just as many lyrics,
Swimming around you
Grabbing at your soul.
You should feel so cold,
Because you're covered not
From head to toe,
There’s not one inch of skin on you
That hasn't been touched
And you don't move an inch
You can't bear the thought of moving
Because maybe then,
Maybe then it will all just be a dream
As you stand
Alone in the rain.

It's an unimaginable feeling
So unbelievable
That you have to try,
Just try,
To share with the world
It’s not the heart. No,
It’s not the head or the mind,
It’s not the gut,
Or the body,
But it's the soul,
Oh! The famous soul!
How often do we speak of him?
But maybe today,
Just maybe,
We’ll do him some semblance of justice.
Because what you're feeling,
Drenched, dripping, delirious
Right now,
Don't move!
You might lose it,
Yes, just stay right there.
Breathe deeply,
Calmly,
Close your eyes,
Reveal in the softness of the moisture,
The smell it gives
As it bathes the world.

Your heart is pumping
You’re excited,
Don't move!
No one can get you.
The hope,
The peace,
The overpowering and overwhelming peace
The feeling that seems to spread
As the rain soaks your skin
Your soul sucks it in
Licking its lips as it sucks the blood of the sky.
The serenity.
Listen,
Just listen,
Do you hear it?
The soft music
So beautiful,
There’s nothing like it
And it's just so
So hard
To describe,
But I guess,
Maybe I'm just another fool
Trying to let this is seen by the world.

Hello, my name is Kaila, and I'll be your reviewer this afternoon. (:

There’s not one inch of skin on you

That hasn't been touched

And you don't move an inch

You can't bear the thought of moving

I'd take out "And you don't move an inch" because it sounds repetitive, since the next line says the same thing, and you use the word "inch" two lines up.

But it's the soul,

Oh! The famous soul!

How often do we speak of him?

I love this line. It's beautiful, and reminds me of old poets we would read in English class.

Just try,

To share with the world

It’s not the heart. No,

I would put a period after "world" because that transition is a little confusing without it.

Reveal in the softness of the moisture,

The smell it gives

As it bathes the world.

I like this line too, but I think you meant to use "revel" not "reveal"

You can't bear the thought of moving

Because maybe then,

Maybe then it will all just be a dream

As you stand

Alone in the rain.

This part feels a bit cliche to me. I'm not sure how you'd want to change it, though.

The soft music

So beautiful,

There’s nothing like it

And it's just so

So hard

To describe,

Since you just called it soft music, the line "so hard" seems like you're talking about the music, and is a little confusing. I would combine the lines "so hard" and "to describe"

Maybe I'm just another fool

Trying to let this is seen by the world.

I think you meant "trying to let this be seen by the world"



Overall: I don't really know what this is about. It seems like there could be a story behind it, but it isn't clear, at least to me. All I got from it, is that someone is standing in the rain, and is either in love, upset, or listening to music. Try to incorprate what is happening, instead of just how the person might be feeling.

And also, look out for cliches. There were a few, and the best kind of poetry is the really origional kind.

I liked the ending, too. So good job. (:

Peace out.