Un-Excepted

2 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 16
Collect my soul,
Unwavered from distance
and reputation.

Conjure up an attitude of silence
To mimic the passage of time...

Dwell into the eyes of the lonely
and see their empty stares
filled with opportunities gone
amiss.

Belly up in the tendrils of society
they long for acceptance.
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;




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Gender Female
Points 10701
Reviews 356
Hi marie! I'm Kat, nice to meet you, and I will review this delightful piece of yours, even though I don't have much to say! :D

The only thing I noticed was punctuation.

Collect my soul,
Unwavered from distance
and reputation.

Conjure up an attitude of silence
To mimic the passage of time...

Dwell into the eyes of the lonely
and see their empty stares
filled with opportunities gone
amiss.

Belly up in the tendrils of society
they long for acceptance.

I'm not sure what 'unwavered' means. I searched through dictionaries, and still I did not found it. Anyway, dispesise from that, you shouldn't capitalize it., and put a comma after 'distance'.
The next two lines are lovely! Adorable, even. But I'm not sure I get them.
Comma after 'lonely' and 'stares'. Again, lovely stanza!
Comma after 'society'.

I'm sorry, this is so much of a short and poor review, but there wasn't much I could find wrong with your poem. The word choice was wonderful, and the flow, rhythm was good.
About the message/meaning, I did not get it. Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't get anything more of this poem than pretty words put amazingly good together.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything!
*Kat*
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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we are all mariah carey
— Kay (NovemberCrow)