Revolve

Anthropocentrism. Know what it means?
It's when you're the centre of everything,
and the whole world is spinning,
and you're trapped in the middle
and the maelstrom is winning
and there's nothing you can do
but look at it objectively.
Step back.
Open your eyes. Close your ears.
Lose your mind and kiss your fears
goodbye. Are we ready
to look at it as though we are already dead?
To feel the vortex rush through our heads,
to imagine for a second
we aren't all that we think we are,
and that we don't all live the lives we want
and that the world actually revolves around the sun
and not our kind selves.
What a novel idea!
A world that doesn't revolve around you!
A world where the dictionary is composed of real words
and the flakiness of yesterday is left behind for the faceless nobodies
who still can't grasp the teachings of
Letting Go.
Where's my street preacher?
Given up already on this town?
Can't say I blame him.
The world's not revolving around him anymore, after all.
It's not even revolving around God.
It's revolving around the sun now, so be a good boy
and sit still while I tell you what was wrong with yesterday,
what is currently failing with today
and what will undoubtedly be the downfall of tomorrow.

Hi, Shini. I have to say I loved this poem. I didn't find any grammatical errors (I hope I didn't miss any; I'd feel bad.)
I thought the rhyme scheme was great. I usually accidentally read poems off like songs in my head (I'm trying to stop that.) but I didn't on this one! I read it like a real poem! Yay! Haha.
I think my favorite line was the last one. It just closed up the poem very nicely and I liked it. Haha.

Thank you for reading I wanted a dramatic finish, I guess, and an unpredictable rhyming scheme.

Thanks so much for reading There isn't really much rhythm to it, its freeverse so I just wanted it read naturally. When printed out the poem is centered, and the shape of the words on the page is like a spiral dipping in and out, I wanted it to look like a tornado that's ~revolving~. And so I wanted it read quickly...but you can't see that here hehe. Hope that makes it a bit clearer for you though, thanks for reviewing!!

I actually really liked that, and I can see the format for it being like a tornado. I didn't really see any gramicarial errors either, but I think that I really, really like the concept of it all. I have to agree that it doesn't have a ton of rhythme, but I think that it's good the way that it is right now.

Shinigamizm! I'm June, and I'm going to review this for you .

Claeren is right! This poem has a rather dramatic flare to it, and I love it.

Stories are tricky to write in second person voice, and I can't say that poems are any easier. Well done with that, dear!

The rhyme scheme was perfect. The rhythm, the flow, the structure-- everything about this just came together brilliantly. I love the tone, as well. It's somewhat rebellious, as if it's going against whatever it can.

I'm pretty much at a loss for words here. I enjoyed this immensely; judging from this, you're rather good at poetry, aren't you?

So! Gold star for you; keep it up, dear!

June

Thank you. I've been writing poetry for a long time, so I hope I'm capable at it haha. This one is one of my favourites, so I felt I had to submit it. You summed it up with your rebellious observation - I almost wanted it to seem like it was battling against its own structure, which is why it's a bit all over the place!

Thanks for reading everyone, I've appreciated all your comments.

This is fantastic, seriously. I loved the overall tone of this poem. Everything just seemed to flow perfectly. This was my favorite part:

A world where the dictionary is composed of real words

and the flakiness of yesterday is left behind for the faceless nobodies

who still can't grasp the teachings of

Letting Go.


You grasped everything so precisely. Great job! I couldn't really find anything to critique haha and I'm looking forward to reading more =]

Oh, and of course this is Gold Star worthy!

Hi, Shini. I have to say I loved this poem. I didn't find any grammatical errors (I hope I didn't miss any; I'd feel bad.)
I thought the rhyme scheme was great. I usually accidentally read poems off like songs in my head (I'm trying to stop that.) but I didn't on this one! I read it like a real poem! Yay! Haha.
I think my favorite line was the last one. It just closed up the poem very nicely and I liked it. Haha.

You're pretty great!
Keep writing.
Jsut watched out for your stanzas!

That? Was brilliant.

At this point I realize I'm just repeating everyone else, but seriously, this poem was a joy to read and, I'd guess, say, since I could feel the rhythm as I was going through it.

The only pedantry I have to offer you is that in a few places the enjambment seemed arbitrary, earlier on. By the time I was at the end of the poem my mind was too blown for me to really be able to comment.

Thank you, Helpful Mchelpfulpants. (Oh, I do so love your username!)

I appreciate your comments, and of course, I'm happy you enjoyed it so much! This is one of my favourite pieces. I'll be sure to take a look at the earlier part of the poem and bear in mind what you said!

I loved this!

Your poem had great rhythm and I could follow it easily and understnad what you were trying to say the whole way through it!

I'm probably just repeating what everyone else has said but I have to say it all over because I really did love your poem!

I'm really not good when it comes to grammar but as I read your poem I couldn't make out any clear grammar mistakes which is a great plus.

I especially loved the way you closed the poem. The last line fitted extremely well with the rest of the poem so that helped with the flow of it. The flow of your poem was also, obviously, amazing! It helped me read it with ease.

To be honest it feelt like I was actually in the poem and I love it when a poem or a story has that effect on me!

Everything seems to work so naturaly as well which in my opinion is the most important thing when writing a poem. Your rhythm, the flow, the atmosphere of the poem. Everything just seemed so perfect!

Overall I adored your poem. It was dramatic, effective and extremely well written. I love your writing style and I can't wait to read some more of your work!

Keep writing!

Meg x-x