The Dance

The Dance

Your simple white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner
Your delicate face shifts slightly to form a small smile
Sending a tiny twinkle into your crystal blue eyes


Your soft angel blonde curls
Bounce off your shoulders
As you begin to trust your partner a little more
He grips you tighter
As the music changes, you pick up the pace

You gasp, quietly
As he tests the growing trust
And gentely lifts you off the ground
Your fairy like feet, point perfectly downwards
And your dress gracefully rests around your ankles

He catches your eye and your eyes lock
As he puts you down, he is extreemly careful
Your eyes remain locked
And the sparkle in your eye intencifies
As you have a silent conversatoin

He changes direction
And you continue to dance with him
He pulls you in tighter again
Your bodies come together and you move as one
As you trust eachother entirely

The sceen shifts in your eyes
But remains the same to any observers
As your simple white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner

dancingclouds wrote:The Dance

Your simple, white dress The comma here isn't necessary.
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner.
Your delicate face, shifts slightly to form a small smile, No comma here either.
Sending a tiny twinkle into your crystal blue eyes.


Your soft, angel blonde curls
Bounce off your shoulders
As you begin to trust your partner a little more.
He grips you tighter.
As the music changes, you pick up the pace.

You gasp, quietly
As he tests the growing trust
And gently lifts you off the ground.
Your fairy-like feet, point perfectly downwards No comma here.
And your dress gracefully rests around your ankles.

He catches your eye and your eyes lock. This sounds kind of redundant. Could you just say, "Your eyes lock?" I think it would work.
As he puts you down, he is extremely careful.
Your eyes remain locked This, again, is redundant. Could you change this line and the next one, so they aren't so repetitive?
And the sparkle in your eye intensifies
As you have a silent conversation.

He changes direction
And you continue to dance with him.
He pulls you in tighter again.
Your bodies come together and you move as one
As you trust each other entirely. I'm guessing you are trying to get the whole "trust" point across, but could you use a different work?

The scene shifts in your eyes,
But remains the same to any observers
As your simple white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner.

On the whole, I liked this poem. Even though the lines varied greatly in length and syllables, and it was free verse, you did it elegantly, and it always seemed to flow. There were several words you misspelled, which I edited in bold, and I also added some punctuation. At times, it was a bit redundant, like with the repetition of "eyes" in one stanza and the word "trust," but that's pretty minor. Great job! Once you edit the few minor errors, this will be all the more fantastic.

[quote="dancingclouds"]The Dance

Your simple, white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner
Your delicate face, shifts slightly to form a small smile
Sending a tiny twinkle into your crystal blue eyes


Your soft, angel blonde curls
Bounce off your shoulders
As you begin to trust your partner a little more
He grips you tighter
As the music changes, you pick up the pace

when I read that it reminds me of an angel at the ball or an older version of goldy locks dancing with her prince i love the the imagery and repitition at the end and i don't think u need a comma after "your simple" but everything else is perfect.. this poem reminds me of a princess at a ball nice imagery and nxt u shudd put this in an narrative category