Heart-shaped Box

There’s a heart-shaped box sittin on my window sill
It has a lot of space inside for you and me to fill
With love notes and treasures
Expressions of love forever
Come help me fill this heart-shaped box

We’ll fill it with trinkets of plastic and gold
We’ll open it one day when we’re really, really old
Let’s keep our memories
Of paper planes and shiny rings
Come help me fill this heart-shaped box

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy
And scratched up skin
Our little hands
That held our life
We plundered through
Toil and strife
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box

Now we’re just a little too busy in life
Not enough time to remember those starry nights
But it still sits there
Covered in life’s wear
And it still waits there patiently telling me

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy
And scratched up skin
Our little hands
That held our life
We plundered through
Toil and strife
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box

And when we’re old and gray
Oh Lord do I pray
That we will remember
Those lovely Novembers
And chasing fireflies
I’ll never say goodbye
To that heart-shaped box

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy
And scratched up skin
Our little hands
That held our life
We plundered through
Toil and strife
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box

writ3rindisguis3 wrote:There’s a heart-shaped box sittin on my window sill either put sitting or sittin'
It has a lot of space inside for you and me to fill
With love notes and treasures
Expressions of love forever punctuation
Come help me fill this heart-shaped box I would change 'this' to us and add so before come

We’ll fill it with trinkets of plastic and gold punctuation
We’ll open it one day when we’re really, really old nice repetition and rhyming
Let’s keep our memories
Of paper planes and shiny rings punctuation
Come help me fill this heart-shaped box Needs a period or a comma. If you use a comma, add 'cause and the beginning of the next stanza.

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy doesn't fit in here, punctuation needed
And scratched up skin punctuation
Our little hands
That held our life that's kind of personifying the hands!
We plundered through
Toil and strife you know how you rhyme sometimes in this? After strife, you could add in something about life
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away How long are they locked up? why? Also, punctuation is needed.
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box needs a period

Now we’re just a little too busy in life
Not enough time to remember those starry nights
But it still sits there
Covered in life’s wear doesn't fit right to me
And it still waits there patiently telling me I would add a colon or some sort of punctuation here.

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy
And scratched up skin
Our little hands
That held our life
We plundered through
Toil and strife
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box

And when we’re old and gray
Oh Lord do I pray
That we will remember
Those lovely Novembers
And chasing fireflies change 'and' to of, punctuation
I’ll never say goodbye
To that heart-shaped box punctuation

It’s a reminder of when
We were such kids
Of laughter and joy
And scratched up skin
Our little hands
That held our life
We plundered through
Toil and strife
This heart-shaped box
Kept our memories
Locked away
For future things
I love that heart-shaped box

I must say, I'm impressed, I liked this piece. It was easily relatable. Good job, you earned a gold star!

Punctuation
The other thing wrong with your grammar is your punctuation. Many people underestimate the power of punctuation. They are just as important as words itself in writing.

Stanzas
They balanced pretty well, good job. I'd work on fluency a bit more though. A lot of lines are choppy, so try to lengthen a few to match others.

Description
I'd add more description and imagery. Make use of similes and metaphors and personification. Plus, parallel structure wouldn't hurt.

Rhyming and Repetition
There was lots of repetition and occasionally, some rhyming. Good job!

I 5really like the repetitiveness and sybolism in this poem... how the heart-shaped box stands for love and for youth. Its really good! Just be careful with punctuation, and like chasingcolts21 said above, maybe a little bit more imagery. i think it would really add a whole other layer to your writing.

Again, great job and keep on creating!!!