nvm 1

Void. ;p

Hey, I'm Eimear.

1. I liked the concept and the title was spot on. I really like the title actually. It might have been nice to incorporate that word into the poem somewhere, 'Turnabout' just has such a great feel to it. But alas, it was fine where it was.

So we'll start from the start, no?

2. Now, the nature of this poem is that it trickles down the page, but without any punctuation whatsoever it becomes increasingly hard to read. My eyes need boundaries! I've ordered this into an easier stanza, but feel free to ignore it. Structure is good though- applied right.

I want him to see,

just how much he

really means.

But it’s like the words

have caught in my throat.

So many doubts,

I miss his warmth,

his smile,

his laughter.

See how much more manageable it is to read now? All from a few commas, full stops and capitalization used correctly. But the form and structure isn't a major issue, if fixed, it will give the poem a better chance of being read on a deeper level.

Another problem I had was the length of this poem. I thought you could have gotten your point across effectively in much less lines. It became sort of, diluted, towards the end. If you show and don't tell, your writing will have more zing.

But it's no biggy.

You had some great imagery!

I liked this one, classic, but lovely:

Is he my heart

My soul

The stone against the

Raging river

This was a dramatic poem. Your atmosphere is spot on.

The use of speech in it I felt should have been used more sparling. Speech here and there is more effective. Still, you incorporated it well in the first place.

I hope this has been a little bit of help. Sorry If I sounded like I was contradicting myself from time to time, I was just trying to show you how could could improve on an already good poem.

PM if you have any questions,

Eimear

Thank you very much. Yes it helped quit a bit, I appreciate your effort and time. ^^