Hiding, Trying, and Tears

hey you guys, this is my first time putting my stuff on here, so tell me what you think. i dont mind critisism, as long as youre not doing it to be mean. but this is one of my shorter poems. its only 4 stanzas, and its not written in the type of style of free verse i normally write in. thanks!


“Hiding, Trying, and Tears”



I’m trying to hide that you hurt me
I’m trying to hide that I cared.
I’m trying to hide that you’ve torn me
I’m trying to hide the tears

I’m trying to hide all the pain you’ve caused
I’m trying to hide it away
But somehow, no matter how I’m trying
It just doesn't seem to fade

The sense of betrayal haunts me
The sense that I failed close by
No matter how hard I try to
I just can’t leave them behind

I’m trying so hard to hide the pain
I’m trying so hard not to cry
But no matter how hard I’m trying
A tear still slips by

Musical Girl wrote:
I’m trying to hide that you hurt me
I’m trying to hide that I cared.
I’m trying to hide that you’ve torn me
I’m trying to hide the tears
For some reason I don't like how the last line fits into the rhythm.

I’m trying to hide all the pain you’ve caused
I’m trying to hide it away
A little dramatic repetition is good, but it's getting pretty redundant.
But somehow, no matter how I’m trying
It just doesn't seem to fade

The sense of betrayal haunts me
The sense that I failed close by I don't think this line really fits or sounds good.
No matter how hard I try to
I just can’t leave them behind

I’m trying so hard to hide the pain
I’m trying so hard not to cry Meh, that could be a stronger statement.
But no matter how hard I’m trying
A tear still slips by

All in all, not bad.
It could be much more profound though.
Keep writing and g'luck!
<3

thanks. and yeah. i agree. it wasnt one of my best poems. but i didnt want to put on a really long one first time, so i went with this one. thanks a lot though. and i'll try to fix it a little more