Were

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For Incog and Dreamwalker's Claw against Fang: Vampires vs. Werewolves contest.

Were

Wolfsong sound sonorous over valley—
Huntingsong victory

All eat well fat warm deermeat
Tendersteaming flesh
Watch blood flow clot coagulate

Pups hungry
Nuzzle mouthcorner
Softmeat come out
Pups can eat

All good

Moonshine on valleyhome
Brightsilver high in sky run like wolfpack over darksnow
Run back to den now

Run through brightsnow turning graysnow
To little lightpoints not in darksnow
Brightsilver inside den now

Wolfone sleep now

...

Naked cold.
Panting steam.
Covered in blood.
"What have I done?"
Last edited by Kale on Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Female
Points 1212
Reviews 47
It was good, but it got a little confusing. Was the point of veiw in the pups? You might want to clarify a bit.
Without punctuation the poem looks more like a list, you should add some. If you did that purposefully then you did a great job at it.
Sorry for the horrible review i am still learning. :wink:
"We played Pin the Tail on the Reason My Life Feels So Insufficient, and nobody won." -Megan Moriarty




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Gender Female
Points 3034
Reviews 34
It's alright.
There wasn't much to it on any level though. It didn't make a ton of sense either.
It's nothing personal, but it reads like something an illiterate child would write. I'm just not a fan of the simplistic sentence fragment things like "Pups hungry/Nuzzle mouthcorner."
There's nothing that can't be fixed in writing though.
Well~ keep working on it. : D
G'luck!
I'm back!

"Breaking fixed idea!
Throw away the prejudice
that fish live in fish bowls only!"



We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
— Ernest Hemingway