for harley

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don't you think that skateboards
and three-chord riffs are a little overdone?

as much as you hide behind gothic
vestments and chains and wristbands
there's only so much that you can make original
before you become just as fake
as everyone else

being cool is never as hot as being you
but how can you be you when you don't
know who you want to please
hold on to your headphones as long as you can
because they only stretch so far
before the wires rip and you have to lie to be free again

you just want somebody to ride
the rollercoaster beside you
they'd hold your hand and scream along with you
and smile and cry and hold you tight
and write songs about when they met you
play it to you at midnight when the moon is bright
with a broken acoustic guitar and a smile on their face

they'd have rock and roll eyes
and you know you'd love them till sunset
before jetting off on your stolen motorbike
in a leather jacket of course, and everybody
would stare, but you'd just laugh.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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That is really good. I know Harley will like it.

:)




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I love it...the conversion from melancholy, sad slight-depression to...love. MMmmmmyeah. Thanks, it is an excellent piece.




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One of my favorites I've read on this site. Thanks for posting.




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(Tit for Tet, right?)

This poem was, in one word, excellent. In that same breath, excellence does not mean "perfection." The only flaw with this poem to me, a simply layman, was that it was over-the-top with imagery. Imagery is good, but it should not comprise the poem: poetry is the exercise of genius within a fixed form. My suggestion is that where you have imagery all lumped up (for instance, the whole of the last stanza), get rid of some of it and change it to metaphors or some impacting resonation in the reader's mind.

Oh, and don't change the fourth stanza, okay? Don't.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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*smiles* This is really, really good. I like it. A lot. :D
Love and Light




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my god, thanks so much!

it's so me, you actuall;y listened to everything i've said to you and turned it in to something amazing in that way that only you can; i love it

you've made my... evening, i guess; i'm all smiling and fizzy

=D>
Last edited by Harley on Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.




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One word: woah.

Very well done, my friend.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin



Courage, my soul! Now learn to wield the weight of thine immortal shield...
— Andrew Marvell