I'm Not a 'Nobody'

Here's a song that takes on a very different point of view. Please critique honestly.

thank you,
thevoiceinside


I’m Not a ‘Nobody’

Walking along this city street
Only tattered shoes on my feet
No one knows my name
All they see is my shame

(chorus)
Yet they don’t understand
They label me…
“Homeless” It’s all they see
They’re looking on the outside

I’m not a nobody
I’m a somebody
(end chorus)

I stand at a distance, just watching
You pass by; your friends and you
Stop and stare; it’s what you do
To not feel pity would feel wrong
Why can’t you hear my song?

I didn’t used to be like this
Skateboarding was my bliss
Schoolyard conversations,
Teenage temptations
I’ve been there
I’ve done that

(chorus)
Yet you don’t understand
You label me…
“Homeless” It’s all you see
You’re looking on the outside

I’m not a nobody
I’m a somebody
(end chorus)

(guitar solo)

Inside of me…
Just look and see
It’s in my eyes,
It’s in my faded smile
It’s who I used to be

The company let its’ workers go
Dad came home with nothing to show
It was Dad they had picked
And Mom just got too sick

Here I am…
Walking along this city street
Only tattered shoes on my feet
Yet you don’t understand
You label me…
“Homeless” It’s all you see
You’re looking on the outside
Look inside of me

I’m not a nobody
I’m a somebody

(guitar solo)

Look inside of me…
Inside of me…(fade)

I really like this song, and the subject is original and something that grabbed my attention.

Nice touch with the skateboarding!

Brilliant. I love the chorus. P'raps you'd care to look at my song, "Just Like Love"?

SUPER GOOD! You had moral and the theme. But I did felt that some of the rhyming was forst + I think that this part doesn't fit in:

And Mom just got too sick

But that is just me. Anyways that was a great song. I will give it a star. I am also glad that you wrot something really good. SUPERB!

I thought this was really good. I liked that it wasn't just a song, and actually had a moral and something to say. A few lines seemed a little awkward and out of place to me. Of course I can't think of anything now, but while I was reading there were a few things that sorta seemed weird. But since I can't think of anything in specific, I don't know how much help that will be. Anyway, good job!

That was really nice. It did kind of have a little twist in it. You hear most teenagers saying, "I'm nobody", "He doesn't like me", "They don't want me around," blah, Blah, BLah, BLAh, BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good work! Keep them coming!

Keep writing!

I love the emotion you put into the lyrics. I actually like how it rhymes. It has meaning and is the type that would grab anybody's attention whether they hear it on the radio or wherever they would hear it. It stands out. You always hear people complaining about how everyone sees through them and this really touches people's inner emotions. Great job!

That was really good, you set the emotion, you had a good moral, and the beat (in my head) was stable.

Good job! I enjoyed reading!

i really really liked this song.

the idea behind it was very intriguing! and original, too.
it made me think... what is somebody? who is a nobody? haha... sorry.

as i read it, it flowed. and i could actually hear the beat that it went to.

this must be an amazing song to listen to... i wish i could hear how it goes.

<3<3<3<3

Again i loved it. But in the way i hard the song in my head, i don't know what it was but the end of the chorus was a little off. just the last line though. otherwise I loved it.

og that was really really awesome at first i really thought it's some pieice of bullshit but sorry this was very cool honnestly and im preety sure whoever will read this on youngwritersscoiety will like it goood job keep makins songs like that people will like you and yo cool songs

I really liked this. It sounds like a song that I would buy for my
ipod. Definitely keep writing lyrics because I can see that you have
a lot of potential. The topic was really origianl too by the way which
makes it that much more interesting. Keep it up!!!!!!

I wish I could write a song as good as this. I really have something special with music and i could hear this songs rhythm and tune in my head. The guitar solo rocked! This song is very original and I would like to see more scripts from you. I would change one thing, the fade at the end. I've heard almost every song end in fades. Try to think of a great ending with more originality. Originality is key!

HI HERE FOR A REVIEW

this song realy made me happy on the inside, like I was a happy little pear doing the macarena~! just kidding because no one EVER understands my metaphors.

KEEP IT UP

Loves,

Lizzi

i have never read anything like it, and i could almost hear the music in my head! Very origional!