Earthmovers

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A/N: Old! Turn back!

[spoiler]Jaws of steel:
Serrated teeth, razor sharp and crunching,
Grinding up the earth
As a giant grinds man's bones.
Long handled mouths,
Orifices of black, ever wide and growing
Becoming even larger
The better to eat you with, my dear.

They sit on the hillcrest
With their silver bells and cockle shells
Like little maids all in a row.

Greasy gears:
Clanking bits of iron, diamond hard and crushing
Pounding down the rocks
Into user-friendly boulevards.
Plumes of dense exhaust
Ebony clouds of trouble, ever hot and reeking,
Stale with the screams
Of land once untouched by asphalt.

They sit on the hillcrest
With their silver bells and cockle shells
Like little maids all in a row.

Rumbling tracks:
Notched belts, moving fast and eating
Consuming the vast miles.
As Jack Horner would eat a plum.
Much too quickly
The land can't escape, too slow and rooted,
Cemented where it stands
Not nimble enough to clear the candle.

So They sit on the hillcrest
Gluttonous monsters of man's creation
With jaws of steel and greasy gears and rumbling tracks
Like little maids all in a row.[/spoiler]
Last edited by Kylan on Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:57 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado




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Pretty good stuff.
Sorry I don't have a critique.
Nothing really came to mind.




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Kylan,


I left this piece asking myself, "And...?" You have rehashed in boring language the narrative of cybernetic misanthropy, but to what purpose?

Next time, ask yourself, "What new am I trying to say?"


Best,
Brad
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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ooh, good combination of nursery rhymes and utter destruction. but once, kylan, just once, can't you ditch the negative topics and write happy things?
YEAH??
well, you forgot Poland.




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Kylan,
i think its all right. at some points i lost what you were trying to say but at others, i completely got it. i really cannot say anything because its a lot better then any of my work :)
Some people blame our generation, but have they stopped to think, who RAISED us?
-photo bucket quote




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I like the perspective and the way things are described, cool and creepy at the same time, but other than that I think I will agree with Incandescence that there's really little that brings up any new ideas, or at least expresses the desire for something new.

Also, isn't this a bumped thread?
Am I a one eyed hunter of unicorns or a hunter of one eyed unicorns? The world may never know.




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Yes. This is an ancient post. You can stop commenting on it. I'm no longer pursuing this piece.

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado



My one true aspiration in life is to make it into the quote gen.
— avianwings47